Anna scoots to the edge of the bed and gazes down at me. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Seventy-two. No. Seventy-three…” I continue on the only way I know how to get rid of the demons that lie in wait in my mind. Punishing my own body to near breaking point, just so I won’t feel anything else, usually provides relief.
I hate what remembering the past does to me.
It makes me a crazy fucking freak.
Anna throws her legs over the bed and lowers herself onto the floor next to me. She watches me intently for a moment before reaching over to lay her hand on mine as I continue doing push-ups.
The little gesture causes me to lose count, and I turn to stare at her as I continue. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to in order for me to understand that she cares about me. The small act of sticking by my side while I work my own shit out is enough.
This girl is special. I can see that now with certain clarity. But the problem still remains—I don’t deserve her. She’s too good for me. It’s only a matter of time before she realizes that, too, and leaves me. When that happens…it will kill me. I know it will.
I’m so fucking addicted. This will not end well for either of us, because I won’t know how to let her go.
17
Anna
Xavier has been quiet today. He doesn’t seem upset or anything, just cautious around me. I’m sure what I witnessed last night wasn’t something he wanted me to see, but Lord knows I’m not going to force him to tell me what upset him. The last time I tried that, things got crazy.
I just don’t like seeing him hurting.
The car comes to a stop, and Jimmy hops out first, opening the door for Xavier and me to get out. I stare up at the huge brick arena that we’re about to enter. It reminds me a bit of a coliseum, and Xavier’s powerful presence imitates that of a gladiator about to enter for battle.
My eyes drift over to him. His dark hair is pushed back from his face while glasses shield his eyes from the evening sun. Xavier threads his fingers through mine as the security guards open the rear entrance doors for us.
A large black man with a completely bald head nods at Xavier. “What up, X. You ready for tonight, man?”
Xavier grins. “Razor won’t know what hit him, Freddy.”
Freddy laughs. “Funny, he just told me the same thing.” He marks something off the clipboard he’s carrying and jerks his head inside. “Come on. I’ll show you where the dressing room is.”
“Stick close to me in here. Backstage is chaotic, and I don’t want to lose track of you,” Xavier says as he tightens his grip on my hand and leads me inside.
I smile at him, wanting nothing more than to reassure him that he has nothing to worry about. “It’s going to be fine. Focus on your match. I’m not going anywhere.”
He nods and focuses straight ahead as we pass by a few men wearing Tension t-shirts with the word “crew” stitched onto them.
A few of the guys call out to Xavier as we head down a long white hallway. The crewmen zip around us, carrying assorted pieces of equipment and props, and even as an onlooker I can tell that every employee is under a time-crunch to make tonight’s show go off without a hitch.
The beefy security officer escorting us down the hall stops at the last door on the right. “You can wait in here with the other wives, miss.”
Xavier shakes his head. “No fucking way. Anna stays with me. I’m not throwing her into that snake pit alone, Freddy.”
Freddy sighs. “What did you expect, X? She can’t go back into the dressing room. The guys would flip their fucking shit.”
Xavier pulls his lips into a tight line as he stares into the room where all the wives are waiting. I follow his line of sight and spot Deena, wearing a slinky, red mini dress and one of the most evil grins I’ve ever seen.
I don’t like the idea of being alone with this woman, but I can’t allow Xavier to worry about that. He doesn’t need another problem in his life to deal with. I want to help him, not be a hindrance.
I squeeze his fingers. “I’ll be fine.”
His gaze snaps down to me. “Are you sure? I can have Jimmy—”
I shake my head. “Don’t worry, I can handle her. Go, do your thing. I’ll wait right here for you.”
“You’re sure?”
“Positive. Now, go.” I nudge his arm.
Xavier bends down and presses his lips to mine. “Call me if there’s any problem.”
I stay in the doorway and allow my eyes to appreciate the view of his phenomenal ass. No longer do I have to wonder what having him would be like because now I know he really does earn the first part of his stage name.
“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Deena questions as she slithers up beside me. “He can make you feel so special while he’s using you. He’s so good, it’s easy to fall for the lie that he might actually care for you. That you’re special to him.”
I roll my eyes. “Give it up, Deena. He doesn’t want you anymore.”
Her blue eyes trail over my face as she appraises me. “That’s right because the two of you have a connection now? Is that what you think?”
I know I shouldn’t let her bother me—that she’s playing games with my head—but damn if that doesn’t sting. It’s like she knows exactly what to say in order to get to me.
“I almost feel sorry for you.”
I lift my chin. “You shouldn’t waste your time.”
She quirks an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”
“You’re the one that needs to get over it and move on. He’s done with you and your…’relationship.’ It meant nothing to him. Get that through your head and butt out of our business.”
She narrows her eyes. “In a month from now, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I came over here to offer you some friendly advice—woman to woman.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “What’s that?”
She smirks. “Make friends with the other wrestlers, because maybe when he’s through with you, one of them might take you on, if you’re lucky. They’re all loaded.”
I curl my lip. “You disgust me.”
She laughs. “The innocent card works for you. Keep it up. It’s a great cover. I might have to actually use that one myself.”
Maybe I need to be more direct?
“Stay away from me.”
“I’ll stay away from you all right, but I can’t promise the same for your boyfriend. He has a hard time turning me down…as you well know.” She winks at me.
Blood boils in my veins. I’m not usually one to condone violence of any sort, but I would like nothing more than to throttle her. Pulling her hair and smacking that cocky look off her face would make me so happy, but I refuse to sink to her level.
I won’t allow her taunts to incite the reaction she wants.
When I don’t say a word, she laughs in my face and turns to walk into the hallway where the man I recognize from television as Xavier’s nemesis awaits. Assassin grins as he wraps his arm around Deena’s waist and kisses the side of her head. It’s almost like he’s pleased that she’s just been in here, pushing my buttons.
I take a deep breath and walk into the room. The walls are white, just like the hallway, and there are several tables set up with women and children sitting around them. Babies sit on their mother’s laps and bang their toys onto the blue tabletops while their mothers attempt to feed them.
There’s an empty seat next to one of the ladies with a toddler on her lap, and I make my way toward it. My fingers curl around the back of the chair, and the woman glances up at me with warm chocolate eyes and a kind smile, and for some reason I automatically feel at ease with her. The three other tables are filled with women chatting amongst themselves, but for some reason, this lady is alone like they are excluding her.