"I figure who Beeker sees is his own business," the commander said. "Since you asked, though, I believe he's seeing Dee Dee Watkins tonight."
"Now, there's a mismatch," the lieutenant growled, refilling her glass.
"You see something wrong with a starlet showing interest in a lowly butler?" Phule said, his voice chilling slightly.
"No ... I mean I don't know what he sees in her."
"I do," Armstrong smirked.
Rembrandt stuck her tongue out at him.
"Speaking of Ms. Watkins," Armstrong said, "there is a situation that's come up that you should be aware of, Captain."
"Now what?"
"Well, sir"-Armstrong sneaked a wink at Rembrandt, who grinned in return-"you know that fake holo-movie we threw together as an excuse to evacuate the complex? It seems we've gotten a raft of calls both from people who want to invest in the film as backers and from outfits that want to bid on exclusive distribution rights. So far Mother's just been taking names and messages, but eventually someone is going to have to call them back and let them all know there's no movie. Remmie and I have talked it over, and we agree that you're the logical person to handle that ... sir."
The commander frowned. "Why?"
"Well, aside from the fact that you have more experience dealing with money people, there's the fact that-"
"No," Phule interrupted. "I meant why tell them that there's no movie?"
"Sir?"
"Why not just form a film company and make the movie? Between the backers and the distributors, you already have the main necessary ingredient: money. If anything, it sounds like it might be a worthwhile investment for the company fund."
"But we don't know anything about making movies!" Armstrong protested.
"So hire people that do to run it for us," the commander said. "People like ... say, actors and stuntmen? Maybe even a cameraman? I'll bet that any aspect of the industry they can't cover, they'll know someone who can."
"My God!" Battleax said, starting to giggle uncontrollably. "That's so outrageous, it just might work!"
"No reason why it shouldn't," Phule said. "It's got a lot more going for it than most of the companies I bought or founded when I was first starting out. Heck; we even have Dee Dee Watkins signed to a multiple-movie contract."
"She's going to scream bloody murder when she finds out," Rembrandt said. "Can I be the one to tell her, Captain? Please?"
"First, let me review the contract with Lex," the commander insisted. "I think we're going to have to renegotiate it with fairer terms. It doesn't really pay in the long run to have your contract help sullen and bitter because they think they're being exploited."
"Oh, that's no fun!" Rembrandt said, dropping into a mock sulk.
Phule grinned. "You'd be surprised, Lieutenant. I didn't say we were going to give her a super offer just something a bit fairer than what she's already signed. If anything, it can be a real hoot negotiating a new contract with someone who's already signed off on a bad deal, especially if they know that if they don't agree to the new terms, the old deal stands. If you'd like, you can handle the first rounds on that discussion."
"Thank you, sir!" The lieutenant beamed, and blew him a kiss, to boot.
"You know, Captain Jester," Battleax said, "the more I hear about this, the more I find myself thinking about investing some of my own money in it, if there's still openings for new backers. Perhaps we can discuss it over dinner-that and a few other things."
"A few other things like what, Colonel?" Phule said warily.
Battleax hesitated, glanced at the lieutenants, then shrugged.
"I suppose there's no harm in at least mentioning this in the current company." She smiled. "After seeing your junior officers in action, I think it's time we discussed their next promotion. If you agree with me, I think they're just about ready for commands of their own."
Startled by this unexpected turn in the conversation, the lieutenants exchanged glances.
"I ... That really isn't necessary, Colonel," Rembrandt stammered. "I can't speak for Lieutenant Armstrong, but I'm quite happy right where I am."
"If given a choice, sir," Armstrong said, "I'd prefer to continue my training under Captain Jester."
"We'll see," the colonel said. "In the meantime ..."
She broke off with a frown as Phule's wrist communicator began to beep insistently.
"Really, Captain. Isn't there any way you can put a Do Not Disturb sign on that thing?"
"As a matter of fact, I did," Phule said as he opened the channel. "Jester here!"
"Hey, Big Daddy!" Mother's voice chirped at him. "Sorry to bother you, but I got General Blitzkrieg on the line. You up to talking to him, or should I tell him you're in jail overnight?"
"I'll take it," the commander said. "Hang on a second."
"Shall we leave, Captain?" Armstrong offered, starting to rise to his feet.
"Don't bother," Phule said. "But it might be better if you could all move to the far side of the room, so the holo cameras can't pick you up."
He waited for a moment while his visitors gathered up their drinks and moved over against the wall, then opened communications again.
"All right, Mother," he said. "Patch him through on the regular communications gear."
"You got it. Here he comes."
Phule stepped in front of the communications console that was a part of the furnishing of his quarters and/or office wherever he went, and a few seconds later the image of General Blitzkrieg materialized before him.
"Good evening, General," he said.
"I caught your showboating for the media, Captain Jester," Blitzkrieg growled without greeting or preamble. "Looks like you came out smelling like a rose ... again."
"Thank you, sir," Phule said gravely. "It was-"
"Of course," the general continued, ignoring the response, "I also saw some preliminary footage from what's supposed to be a new holo-movie being shot there on Lorelei ... except that it has some of your troops in it, and they're doing an incredible amount of damage to the very complex they're supposed to be guarding!"
"Nothing to worry about there, General," the commander said smoothly. "The occupant of the room in question has agreed to pay for the necessary repairs and renovations."
"Why would he do that?" Blitzkrieg scowled. "It's clear that it's your pack of hell-raisers who are doing the damage."
"Well, there's the fact that legally whoever rents a room is responsible for any damages to the facility," Phule explained. "As to my troops actually causing the damage, the truth is they were sort of invited to take that action, by the room's occupant-and it's a she, sir, not a he. In fact, it's the same woman you saw presenting me and my unit with the commendation."
"Sort of invited?" the general growled, catching the careful phrasing. "I'd like to hear some more details on that, if you don't mind. First, though, I want to know what your troops are doing appearing in a holo-movie in Space Legion uniforms."
"That's easy enough to explain, sir," the commander said. "As you yourself just said, sir, that was preliminary footage only. My troops were simply standing in while the camera angles were being blocked out. I can assure the general that they will not be present in the final version when it's released."
"I see," Blitzkrieg said grimly. "Well, Captain, while I have you on the line, there are a few other matters I want to know about. For example ..."