At a wedding she photographed recently, some relative of the groom had said to her, “Love is like a feather in the breeze.” People often said startling things at weddings, so perhaps it was just the dreamy — no, deranged — look on the woman’s face that had made Jody force a smile. As the old lady walked away from her, Jody had thought several things in quick succession: Love, that exhilarating and exhausting state, is whatever anybody says it is, so stop the poetry and end the song; love is, indeed, like a feather; love is nothing like a feather; the word “breeze” might have been indicative of the lady’s attitude, because a feather in the wind would be another matter entirely.
Jody put her key into the lock and opened the door. A flight of steep black-painted steps rose into Mel’s apartment. Except for two rooms in the front, under the steep pitch of the roof, the area was open space, with an off-center stairwell surrounded by a high railing. It was like being in a treehouse; tall windows at the back overlooked the tops of ailanthus trees growing below. In the kitchen there was a skylight through which wisteria had pushed its way. When it rained, the top of the stove would be moist, and occasionally tiny flowers would be scattered over the stovetop. When Mel turned on the stove he ignored them, but she always brushed them away, as if they were alive. She sat for a minute, a little out of breath, on the sofa that curved around the room. No sofa in New York rose higher than midback.
Mel had left a note for her on one of the sofa cushions. Apparently Duncan had called to say that his former roommate, who lived on Christopher Street, had just gotten very bad news from a blood test. What was she supposed to do? Call some man she’d never met? She pushed the note aside and wandered away. Tucked in the bathroom mirror was a picture of Will, straddling Mel’s neck, proud of his new red sneakers and looking as secure, perched there, as the driver of an armored car. Recently, Mel had instigated the silliness of nicknames. Some days Will wanted to be Ace, some Butch. She thought that on the day the picture had been taken he was Ace. Ace in need of a haircut. Ace, who swung as hard as he could and still didn’t raise a bruise on Mel’s bicep. (“Of course you can’t hit me in the stomach,” Mel had said to him. “You’d hurt me.”) She looked at the lipstick on the saucer on top of the toilet tank. Mel would like it — he liked any profession of affection, however corny — if she scrawled I LOVE YOU on the bathroom mirror. The lipstick had cost ten dollars. Ten dollars for lipstick! She took off the cap and put lipstick on her lips but didn’t write on the mirror. She filled a glass with water and rose on tiptoes to water the spider plant. Putting the glass back in the holder, she remembered one of Mel’s peculiarities: wiping the glass, after use, with his bath towel. How could men be so neat about some things and so haphazard about others?
She tried to remember the name of the man she would meet that night. Could it really be Haveabud? His first name was probably Steve or Ed. No, there were no more Steves or Eds in New York. They were now Steven or Edward, whether they were gay or straight. If they had money, they didn’t have a nickname. Everybody was into high seriousness, so that now even dogs were named Humphrey and Raphael.
When Angela buzzed and Jody let her in, she was dressed in stone-washed jeans, probably about a size three, and an enormous sweatshirt with a green-faced, red-lipped Oriental on it and raised red letters spelling SUMO. Her hair was yellow — not any shade of blond but yellow, Crayola-crayon yellow. Pink ballet slippers. No socks. On her wrist a coiled bracelet that ended in the triangular head of a spitting snake. An earcuff and a diamond stud in one ear, a replica of the Empire State Building dangling from the other.
“I’ve left my old man, but it’s a good thing. I just don’t want him inquired about ever again. But wait, you weren’t here when he came to help out last time, were you? Tell Mel that it’s over, and to please not ask how he is, because that’s as boring as somebody calling you to tell you how their day went. The thing I’m handing you now”—Jody had stopped on the second-floor landing as Angela rushed up the stairs two at a time, heading for the top—“is a date-and-prune tart. The prunes cut the sweetness of the dates, but don’t tell anybody about the prunes because they won’t eat it. They think prunes are those things they bring you in wet bowls in Miami Beach, and prunes actually don’t cause you as much trouble as corn, but try telling that to anybody. So. I’m double-parked, and if you can help me carry stuff upstairs I can leave the car at the curb. It’s salmon mousse for the main course. And I love that lipstick. That’s going to look fantastic by candlelight.” Angela smiled a beatific smile. The waves that surrounded her face looked more like a corona than overdyed yellow hair. “Room temperature,” Angela said, handing the platter to Jody. She put her hand over her heart. “As if we know no seasons in New York. As if each moment is purely invented.”
—
After the party that night, Mel listened to the message tape. Duncan was flying to New York in the morning. Jody shrugged. “Why does Duncan think I’m going to get involved in the problems of a man I’ve never met?” she said to Mel. Then they fell into bed and drunkenly made love.
In his dream Mel sank to the bottom of the ocean in a submarine. At first it was one of those submarines the tourists get into to see the coral reef and the fish swimming around, but a few seconds into the dream everything changed, and suddenly there was a commanding officer who was quite annoyed with him for thinking of the submarine’s downward path as “sinking.” “We are descending!” the man shrieked shrilly at Mel, who suddenly had to endure the stares of the other Navy men. One woman from the first part of the dream was still there: a tourist in a pink pants suit, taking a picture of a flat yellow-and-blue fish that floated by. Then there was the carnage: the deer on the road, again; the Halloween revelers squatting and standing in the glow of the headlights. The bright eye of the deer. A body too large to have been supported by such delicate legs.
He kicked his feet backwards, out of the covers.
In the next part of Mel’s dream the small dog who lived downstairs was sniffing the corpse in the road.
Mel opened his lips, exhaling to blow the scene away, but the deer stayed still. The October cold made him shiver. His lips closed.
The small dog sniffed and sniffed, and then it became apparent that there was a second dog, identical with the first, and that they were not partygoers on Halloween night but damned souls in Hell.
He had some consciousness of his mouth. Was he drooling on the pillow? But then there was confusion: It was the dog who was drooling — the dog in the dream — and that dog was Cerberus, who was guarding the gates to Hell.
The small dog had an owner, but Mel could not imagine who among the costumed partygoers that could be. It was not Richard Nixon, because Richard Nixon’s dog was named Checkers. It must be Will’s dog, then. He and Will must have persuaded Jody to get a dog.
Mel turned onto his side.
Just before the dream ended, dogs were floating past the window of the submarine. In the little corner of his mind that fought to become conscious, Mel knew that if there were a cartoon caption — if Gary Larson were in charge — everything that was dreadful could be amusing. But the unconscious mind won out, so he knew that if he laughed it could be a death sentence: It would attract the rabid dog, and once bitten — once his leg had sprung a leak — it would be impossible for the submarine to rise again. Even the woman in the pants suit was alarmed. She had been photographing fish, and then drowned dogs began to drift by. Then Will was in the dream, looking at him as if he had known all along how grotesque this would become.