Why was he so afraid of losing her? What about her intrigued him so much? Her raw beauty and strong will had initially attracted him, but what now kept him rapt? Was it her pain? The emptiness he had already tried to fill? Did he want to save her from self-destruction? Or did he want to show her that chivalry still existed despite the years and distances? He should be with her for the right reasons, but what were they? He couldn't just be her savior. She would close up, resent him, because needing him would make her confront her own weaknesses, and while she could do that, the reminder would only bring her more pain.
"… and you should have seen the look on my crew chief's face when the canopy opens and up pops Casey's head. I tell him that I caught her trespassing in my cockpit and that I'm turning her over to security immediately." Maniac chuckled over the memory, then his voice died off into the silence. "C'mon, Blair. You gotta admit that's funny."
"Uh-huh."
"What's the matter? Ain't you ever been locked up for a week aboard a supercruiser taken over by Pilgrims?" He snorted. "I
know this sucks. It really sucks. I bet Taggart's up in the wardroom right now, eating like a king. Aristee's probably won him over already."
"No way. He's up there convincing her to stand down," Blair countered, wishing his words were fact.
"I ain't saying he's a traitor. She could've easily drugged him. He's Intell and privy to a lot of data that she'd love to have. Know what? I'm convinced she's done that. Otherwise, he would have already come down to see us. He's either drugged or suddenly doesn't care. Or maybe / am saying he's a traitor."
"Paladin's no turncoat. He's more loyal to the Confederation than you."
"Then I hope his loyalty buys us a ticket out of this hole." A solid and familiar thump sounded from the wall that adjoined their cells. As he did at least once every day, Maniac had beat his fist on the steel. "Hey, guards?"
Someone approached, but the footsteps sounded a bit lighter than those of the guards, whose passage Blair had come to know well. He sprang from the bunk and gripped the bars of his cell, imagining for the nth time that he had the strength to bend durasteel. He jammed his head against the bars and squinted through the shadows vesturing the passage.
A figure came forward, his white robe extending to his shins and fluttering behind him with an almost underwater slowness. His face grew distinct, and Blair gasped. "Sir."
"Your ears must've been ringing," Maniac said.
Paladin arrived before Blair and gave a curt nod. "Lieutenant. How are you two doing?"
"We're all right," Blair answered. "They fed us well."
"If you call leftover rations a meal," Maniac qualified. "Probably scooped them out of waste can. Hey, Commodore? Where you been? And when the hell are we getting out?"
"It's complicated. And I'm not sure if you'll be getting out anytime soon. Aristee doesn't have enough personnel to assign a guard to you. It's easier for her to keep you here."
"While you get to stroll around the ship unguarded?" Maniac quickly followed. "Excuse me, sir, but I have a slight problem with that."
"She's got a guard on me. He's waiting at the hatch."
"You talk to her yet?" Blair asked.
"I've had several opportunities, Mr. Blair. Suffice it to say, I need many more."
"Question is, do we have that time? Where is she headed? And how many more people do you think she'll kill?"
"She's arranged to purchase supplies and take on more personnel at Aloysius Prime. She's having some trouble with the hopper drive, so I expect it'll take us a while before we get there. I'm not happy with that destination. Aloysius is in Robert's Quadrant, right on the Kilrathi border."
"You're not happy with that destination?" Maniac snapped. "Why don't you do something about it? That bitch will never stand down. We need to take this ship by force."
"Excellent idea," Blair said, feigning his enthusiasm. "The three of us will take on the entire crew. Or maybe you'd like to do that single-handedly? At least you'd have something other than sex to talk about."
"I'm flipping you the bird right now."
Paladin shifted to Maniac's cell. "Mr. Marshall, we may very well have to take this ship by force. And if we do, I expect that you will follow my orders without question-no matter what I tell you to do."
"At this point, sir, I'm most concerned with getting my particular ass off this particular ship. If we can save the Confederation in the interim, more power to us."
"Sir?" Blair interrupted. "Why didn't you come to see us sooner?"
"She's been forcing me to attend her con-crit sessions and suffer through a series of songs and conversations, a kind of exorcism of old ideas through music and speech. Your basic brainwashing in the guise of spiritual pursuit. It takes nearly five days to go through the first sequence."
"Maybe they drugged you," Maniac said. "Maybe you're just feeding us bullshit."
"I haven't been drugged. Tampering with the body in that way is strictly forbidden. That's a covenant in our favor. They want to win over only cognizant individuals since cognizance is a prerequisite of ascension."
"These people don't hang out in shuttleports, chanting and handing out flyers, do they?" Maniac gibed.
"Don't underestimate them, Mr. Marshall. If you do, you'll wind up chanting and distributing flyers yourself."
"Sir, I've never been a POW," Blair confessed. "That Kilrathi tattoo on your neck helps you remember that you were. I don't want to pry, but tell me this: How did you get through it? What did you do to keep yourself sane? It's only been a week, but I feel more tortured by the monotony than if they came down here and beat me. I guess I have too much time on my hands. I'm getting wire happy. So's Maniac. Pretty soon we'll do anything to escape, even if it gets us killed."
"I think you get through it by reaching down into yourself and finding a real reason to live. Why are you here, Mr. Blair? What is your purpose in this universe? Big questions. They might even sound ridiculous. But if you can discover the answers, it won't matter what they throw at you. When the Kilrathi took me, it was like having a window to hell. They know exactly what can kill a human. Exactly. That's just what I said in my debriefing. I spent two long years in captivity, but I made it through because I'm here to affect as many lives as I can. My life was never mine. It took me a long time to reconcile with that."
"To be honest, sir, I have no idea why I'm here. But I'll try to figure that out. Thanks."
"Gentlemen, I'll visit again soon. Just hang tight. Do the Confederation proud."
"Oh, we're doing it real proud sittin' here," Maniac muttered.
Ignoring the remark, the commodore drifted off, into the shadows.
Blair remained at the bars for several minutes after Paladin left. He played over the commodore's advice, but his thoughts seemed as imprisoned as his body. Maybe I'm just here to be a Confederation pilot. Maybe I don't have some higher purpose. Why do I even need one?
Your purpose is with us.
The voice sent Blair recoiling from the bars to inspect his cell. She had spoken in his head. And it hadn't been during a jump. Who are you?
I'm not a ghost. I'm not reading your mind. I'm just letting you read the script of my thoughts. My script is here, in this ship. Would you like to know me?
Yeah, I guess so. What do you want?
I'll come for you when I can.
Who are you?
No response.
"Who are you?"
"What?" Maniac asked.
Blair drew in a long breath, rubbed his eyes, then dropped onto his cot. "Nothing."
"Know what's gonna happen, Ace? The Confed is going to pound this ship out of existence, and we'll be along for the ride. We're on death row."