“And then what?”
He knew she wasn’t asking something mundane, like whether he was going to go right to bed or stop for a shower first. She didn’t have to put it into words; they both knew what she really meant.
“And then I’m staying there,” he finally admitted.
Alone. Never to come back.
Sam swallowed away a stab of hurt, knowing there was more to this. Alec wasn’t the type to walk away having gotten what he wanted. He wasn’t that guy; she knew it down to her very soul.
More, he felt something for her. She knew that, too, just as she knew she had developed feelings for him as well.
“No, you’re not,” she finally said, remaining calm and resolute.
He finally met her stare directly, and she saw the genuine emotion in that handsome, weary face. “Sam, you told me last night how glad you were for life.”
“I am.”
“So I want you to go start living it.”
That was exactly what she wanted to do. “I intend to. No more locking myself away here; there’s a lot going on in the world and I plan to be a part of it.”
A faint smile widened his mouth. “I’m glad.”
She wasn’t finished. “I plan to be a part of yours, too.”
Though a spark appeared in his eyes, the smile faded. “I don’t expect that.”
She pounced on his words. “You don’t expect it? Or you don’t want it?”
“Semantics.”
“No, it’s not,” she snapped. “One implies that you’re about to walk out of here for some noble, it’s-for-your-own-good reason. The other says you got what you wanted last night and don’t care to repeat the experience now that I’m not in any danger and you’re not stuck babysitting me.”
Anger tightened his features as he stalked over, grabbing her shoulders. “Don’t you say that. Don’t even think it.”
“Then take off your coat, stay here, and prove me wrong, damn it.”
His hands dropped. The coat remained on. An invisible veil of determination separated him from her as fi nitely as one of the fences from that hellish prison.
She stared up at him, searching for the truth, needing to understand why he was trying so hard to walk away when he sounded as though he wanted to do anything but.
God knew Sam had a lot of reasons not to trust men after what her loving husband had done. But she trusted him. She trusted them-what they could have together, if only he’d let them. Lifting a hand to his face, she cupped his cheek. “I’m falling for you, Alec.”
His eyes closed.
“I’m not some inexperienced kid who confuses lust with love. I’ve had relationships; I’ve been in love. I’ve been married; I’ve been divorced. And I’ve never felt for anyone-even after years-what I feel for you now, after less than a week.”
He finally looked at her again, but that emptiness remained. “In that time you’ve seen someone you love brutalized, your own mother targeted. You’ve been kidnapped. You’ve had to stand by and watch an injured man bleeding at your feet. And you’ve learned about the death of a woman you were coming to like. All in less than one week. So where’s this newfound gladness for life gotten you so far?”
The truth dawned. She finally began to see. Alec wasn’t intending to walk out on her because he didn’t care, but because he did. He’d decided she should be happy and had the crazy idea that his job, his life-the way he lived it-meant she wouldn’t be.
“Alec…”
“You’ve lost a lot of people you loved, Sam. Your father. Your grandmother. Hell, even your slimeball of a husband. Those losses nearly crushed you. So why on earth would you want to keep going down this dark road with me when you’ve seen over the past several days just how easily it could happen again?”
Sam licked her lips and tried to make him understand. “I know you’re aware of how I’ve lived for the past year, hiding out here, licking my wounds. But I’m not a weakling, Alec.”
“I didn’t mean-”
She cut him off. “I know you didn’t. Let me finish. Honestly, it wasn’t fear that kept me here, safe inside these four walls.” She shrugged helplessly, knowing she had to admit everything if she wanted any kind of future with this man. “It was humiliation. Sadness. The desire not to get hurt again, not the fear of it.” Stepping closer, she slid her hands around his neck, and pressed her body against his. “And you wouldn’t hurt me.”
He remained stiff. “You can’t know that.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me on purpose,” she clarified.
“Christ, Sam, you could be hurt just by association.”
She leaned up on tiptoe and brushed her lips against his, feeling his hands move to her hips as if unable to help himself. He didn’t push her away, though his body remained stiff and unyielding. “Do you really think my mother regretted being with my father? That she would change anything, lose the years she had with him, so she could avoid the lonely ones that came afterward?”
He slowly shook his head.
“And you think Detective Myers’s wife is right now sitting by his bedside wishing she’d never married him so she wouldn’t have to go through the pain of wondering if he’s going to make it?”
“Of course not. But-”
She kissed him again, stopping him from saying more.
“I know you were shot a few months ago. I know there are risks. And I know the shooting made you question everything about yourself, your job, your future. It made you wonder if you are even worthy of having any of those things.”
He eyed her in shock, as if wondering how she could know him so well when he hadn’t confided so much in her.
He hadn’t needed to. She already knew this man well enough to know how his mind worked. The conversations they’d had about the incident had made it very clear that a part of him thought he had deserved to feel those bullets tear through his body.
“People die. Lily died. And that other agent down in Atlanta. It’s very sad, but it wasn’t your fault.”
“You don’t know-”
She put her fingers over his mouth. “I do know. And so do you. Deep down, you know he could just as easily have checked that woman for weapons. Could have asked you to, could have been more suspicious.”
His reluctant nod confirmed her words.
“It comes down to this: You didn’t pull the trigger. Just like you didn’t put Ryan and Jason on that ice or trick that poor woman onto that rooftop. None of it was your fault.”
It seemed to take forever but was probably only half a minute before his tense shoulder muscles eased. His body relaxed against hers, the stiffness in his jaw disappearing. The flint disappeared from his eyes, replaced by tenderness. And gratitude.
He might not have accepted it entirely, but Alec knew she was right.
“I’m not proposing here. I’m not saying we’re going to be together forever. But I think I’m falling in love with you.”
He sucked in a surprised breath that she’d so baldly put the words out there. Heck, she’d almost surprised herself, but she didn’t regret saying them.
Nor did she regret adding, “I think you’re falling in love with me, too. If I’m wrong, and you’re not, then yes, you should keep that coat on, turn around, and walk out of here.” She leaned up again, stealing another soft kiss, exchanging another tender breath. “If I’m right, though, please tell me you’ll stay so we can figure out what happens next.”
She didn’t kiss him again. The ball was in his court, their future in his hands. Whether that future included a passionate affair or a lifelong commitment, she didn’t yet know. She knew only that she wanted the chance to find out.
Alec didn’t reply, not with words, anyway. Instead, he stepped away from her, with a smile on his lips and emotion in his eyes.
And then he took off his coat.
