you realize that you’ve inflicted that kind of pain on someone
else, and you’re stuck with that remorse for the rest of your life.
No amount of support or forgiveness can take that away.”
4
Robin Alexander
“Did your husband forgive you?”
“Surprisingly, yes, and he’s been a good friend to me.” She
looked away and bowed her head. “It would’ve been easier, I
think, if he would have hated me.”
“Sounds to me like you haven’t forgiven yourself.”
Hailey shook her head. “No, I haven’t, and I doubt I ever wil .”
“If he’s forgiven you, is there a chance for reconciliation?”
“I love him, but I can’t be a wife.”
She looked as though she were about to cry, so I let the
subject drop. “So now you share your life with a dog that likes
musicals.”
I watched her tension evaporate. The wrinkles left her brow
and her shoulders relaxed. “Yeah, the unconditional love is great.
Although I do wish she would play tennis. I really miss that.”
“Tennis, huh?”
“Yeah, do you play?” Hailey asked.
“I’m a mean badminton player. The concept is the same, isn’t
it?” I loved the way she wrinkled her nose in response.
“It’s similar.”
“I have a membership to a health club that I never use. They
have tennis courts, and I could really use the exercise,” I said,
hoping that she’d be interested.
She looked at me and smiled. “You look like you’re in pretty
decent shape.”
I patted my stomach. “That’s because I’m hiding my fluff in
this hoodie. This could be a good thing. You can teach me to play
tennis properly, and I can work off my pudge. It’s a win-win, at
least for me.”
“I’d love to,” she said with a smile.
“Okay, that’s settled. Now that we’re talking about exercise,
I’m hungry.”
She really perked up then. “I found a sandwich shop a couple
of blocks over. They have all kinds of sprouts and healthy stuff.
Wanna try it?”
I was thinking Mexican with lots of gooey cheese, but when
she jumped up and pulled me to my feet, I was helpless but to
follow.
4
Pitifully Ugly
Healthy food sucks. I sat looking down at a gluten-free wrap
filled with something that looked like grass and a cheese that
was anything but gooey. The first bite nearly gagged me, but I
swallowed it down with green tea that made it tolerable.
“You like?” Hailey asked when she put her half-eaten wrap
down and took a sip of tea with the leaves floating in the bottom
of her glass.
I should’ve been truthful and told her it tasted like shit, not that
I’d ever tasted that, but the flavor had to be close. “It’s great.”
The conversation had fallen into a lull. I was at a loss for
anything to say because my taste buds were screaming in
rebellion.
“It’s a shame about the girl you met. I’m sorry that you were
so disappointed,” she said suddenly.
I smiled at the way her lips twitched. “My sister tried to warn
me away from online dating, but I didn’t take her advice.”
“Why did you join?” she asked before polishing off the
grotesque wrap. I had no idea how she could maintain such a
pleasant expression as she chewed.
“I’m terrible at meeting people.”
“You met me.”
I pushed my wrap away. “I guess I wasn’t as hungry as I
thought. I’ll save this for dinner. As for meeting you, I guess
that’s different. You’re easy to talk to, and since we live in the
same building, that gives us something in common right off the
bat.”She smiled. “You did seem kind of nervous the first few times
we talked.”
“Magnify that a hundred times, and that’s me on a first
date.”
“I find you charming,” she said, meeting my eyes. “If you
allow someone to see this side of you, you’d have plenty of
prospects.”
“And therein lies the problem. When I met Stacy this morning,
4
Robin Alexander
I was so nervous, I thought I was going to be sick a couple of times.
Then when she started talking about…butt sex, I flipped.”
Hailey laughed so loud that a couple of patrons looked our
way. She covered her mouth until she was composed. “What’s the
name of this dating site you’re on—booty buddies?”
“No, the Rainbow Room, it’s for lesbians.”
Hailey’s lips did that odd little twitch again before she took a
sip of her tea.
“Does it make you uneasy that I’m a lesbian?”
“Not at all,” she said seriously. “You are who you are, and you
seem to be comfortable with that. I think it’s great.”
“I don’t think anyone has ever used that word to describe
me,” I said with a pleased smile.
“Comfortable?”
“Yes.”
“Want me to tell you what else I see in you?” Hailey asked
with a daring smile. “I’ve been told that I’m supremely accurate
with my first impressions.”
I leaned back in my chair, unsure if I wanted to hear what she
had to say. “Is it bad?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“Okay then, be honest but gentle.”
“It’s blatantly obvious that you’re shy,” Hailey began. “As you
said, you’re uncomfortable with small talk. You’re very warm
and kind, though, and I suspect quick to forgive. I figure that
your apartment is immaculately clean, and you’re meticulously
organized when it comes to work. And I think,” Hailey said with
a broad smile, “when you do meet that special someone, you’re
going to make her very happy.”
“I’d already told you about the shy part, but how did you come
to the conclusions on the rest?”
“That’s easy,” Hailey said with a wave of her hand.
“Accountants are meticulous and organized because they have to
be, or they wouldn’t be in business for long. Your clothes, even the
casual ones, are never wrinkled, so you obviously fold everything
and put it away, instead of living out of a clothes basket. And the
kindness part is just something I sense about you.”
0
Pitifully Ugly
I was taken aback by her observations. I’d always taken
fleeting glances at people, afraid that they might see me looking
too closely. I noticed obvious things like hair color or body type,
but not much more. Even with Hailey, I always looked at her with
sideways glances. Now as I looked at her, I could see she was
watching intently as I fiddled with my napkin. Her inquisitive
gaze moved to my leg that was bouncing nonstop.
“Your turn,” she said almost hesitantly. “What do you see in
me?”I felt nervous as I openly appraised her for the first time.
Something in her eyes made me feel like she truly wanted me to
see her, to know who she was. I couldn’t look at them for very
long because I knew she was analyzing me as I studied her. There
were faint laugh lines around her eyes and mouth, a tiny almost
imperceptible scar at the corner of her top lip. Her hands looked
soft with clear polished short nails that twitched slightly as my
gaze flittered over them.