was home. I inhaled deeply the smell of fried food and beignets,
and I even welcomed the smell of exhaust as we made our way
through the parking garage. My stomach did knot up, though,
at the prospect of seeing Hailey again. Invariably, we’d run into
each other at the apartment. It was going to be awkward and kind
of sad not to have her in my daily life.
“Sure you won’t take the cash back?” Marvin lowered my
suitcase to the sidewalk in front of my building a little later.
“Sure you won’t tell Kalen anything?”
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Robin Alexander
Marvin laughed and gave me a quick hug. “I won’t say
anything, cash or not.”
As I walked through the courtyard, I felt relieved to be home,
but there was a pang of sadness, too, as I looked at the empty
bench where I usually found Hailey. With the distraction of the
trip behind me, I realized that I missed being with her. I wondered
if maybe she missed me, too. A glance at my watch told me that
she should be home from work by now, but there was no sign of
her. I tried to tell myself it was all for the best as I rode in the
elevator to my floor.
I unpacked my things and started the laundry. Bone tired, I
warmed a can of soup and looked at my computer. Whatever e-
mails, if any, would have to wait until morning. I took my bowl
and a packet of crackers to the sofa and ate while watching TV. I
only meant to lounge for a while, but the next morning, I awoke
fully dressed with the remote still in my hand.
A knock at the door halted my trip to the shower. I fully
expected it to be Kalen ready to hear a firsthand report on the
trip, but when I looked through the peep hole, I was surprised to
see Hailey. I looked down at my wrinkled clothes and figured that
the rest of me was equally frightening. I ran my hands through
my hair and opened the door with a shy smile.
Hailey’s brows rose as she took in my appearance. “Rough
night?”
“Rough week.” I opened the door wider and motioned for her
to come in. She looked uncomfortable as she brushed past me and
leaned against the bar.
One of the suitcases that I was too lazy to put away the
previous evening lay in the middle of the living room floor. I
watched as Hailey glanced at it and back at me. “Business trip or
just a getaway?”
“Business, unfortunately.” I walked into the kitchen and set
up the coffeepot. The tension between us seemed more solid than
the bar that separated us. “And your trip was?” I tried not to sound
bitter.
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I watched out of the corner of my eye as she shrugged. “I
needed time to think.”
“When did you get back?” I measured the water for the coffee.
“The day you left. I wanted to talk to you then, but you were
gone before I worked up the nerve to come up here.” She was
silent for a moment. “I watched you leave from my window.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because I thought it would be better to talk face to face.” I
could hear the scraping of the bar stool as she pulled it back and
took a seat. I couldn’t make myself look at her. I heard finality in
her tone, and even though I figured whatever we had was over, I
wasn’t looking forward to hearing her say it.
“Want coffee?” I watched the dark liquid fill the pot.
“Sure,” she said after exhaling a long breath. “I need to
explain something to you, Shannon.”
I folded my arms and closed my eyes dreadfully waiting for
her to continue.
“You’ve no doubt heard the saying ‘what goes around comes
around.’”
“Many times, yes.” I poured our coffees and turned to slide
hers across the bar. When our gazes met, she looked tired. Her
eyes didn’t have the familiar sparkle.
“I haven’t let myself get close to anyone since the divorce,
mainly because I’m afraid that if I get attached, I’ll get hurt the
same way…the same way I hurt my husband.” Hailey’s hands
shook slightly as she lifted the cup to her lips. “I was attracted
to you the minute we met,” she said after she swallowed. “And
when I realized that it was actually you I was talking to online, I
tried to back off. You were just so damned irresistible, and I felt
myself giving in.”
Referring to me in the past tense as she did made my heart
sink. I sagged against the counter, suddenly feeling exhausted
and longing for my bed.
“When you came home from visiting your family, you seemed
so distant, and the warning bells started to go off. I panicked.”
“I guess I felt a little panicky, too.” I didn’t want to have to
admit that I had some fears of my own, especially after Kalen had
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gotten through with me. “There’s something I need to know. Like
what happened to the woman you had the affair with?”
Hailey’s face showed surprise and her lips tightened and
formed a straight line. “She lost interest after the divorce. I think
it was a thrill for her to sneak around. Once the marriage ended,
so did we.”
“So that’s not where you went when you left?”
“Of course not.” Anger flashed in Hailey’s eyes. “I went to
the corporate apartment to think things over.” Hailey stared down
at her cup for a minute. When she looked up at me, her eyes were
teary. “I don’t think I’m ready for anything serious.”
“I am,” I said with resignation. I hadn’t realized it until that
moment. I didn’t want to casually date. I just wasn’t cut out for it.
Once I found someone I was truly interested in, I didn’t want to
play the field to see what else was out there, and unfortunately, I
was still very infatuated with Hailey.
I wanted to tell her that I’d wait forever for her to come around,
but as I looked into Hailey’s misty eyes, I felt myself giving in,
and I let her off the hook as gently as I could. “I don’t want it to
be awkward when we pass each other in the hall, but I think it’s
best that we give each other some room.”
Hailey’s lip quivered as she wiped at her eyes with the back
of her hand. “I wish I was in a better place because you’re a great
catch.”
“You are, too,” I said. “One day, I hope you’ll be able to
accept that.”
Hailey tried to smile. “Thank you for the coffee, but I need to
get back to my place and get ready for work.”
She looked so miserable as she stood. I wanted to take her
into my arms and tell her everything would be okay, but my heart
was breaking along with hers. If I took her in my arms, I didn’t
think I’d be able to let her go. I stood rooted as she walked to the
door and let herself out. Maybe it was just exhaustion, but I felt
my own eyes well up as I stared down at her coffee cup. I took
a long shower and crawled into bed. Maybe it wouldn’t sting as
much after a long nap, but I doubted it.
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Chapter 22
Kalen + pizza = indigestion.
For weeks, I did my best to avoid Hailey. Instead of cutting