not from the cold, but from stark terror and two bullets that must
have had fresh batteries. I cursed the Energizer Bunny under my
breath. Each step I took pressed the vibrators harder against me.
I stumbled several times when one of them hit just the right spot,
causing me to lose control of my right leg. The sensation had gone
from moderately pleasurable to agonizingly unbearable.
I nearly cried tears of relief when I found the lock to the
courtyard undone. Fishing out my keys was not going to happen.
I was on my way up the steps when the door opened, and Fuzzy
seemed to smile down at me. “Hold the door please,” I said
between clenched teeth.
“Are you okay?” Hailey asked with concern.
“Yes.” My voice came out in a squeak.
Hailey must have been stunned by my appearance because
she stood blocking the door while I tried to maneuver around her.
“Are you vibrating?” she asked.
“My phone, gotta go,” I said in a voice two octaves higher
than normal.
I dropped my jacket in the hall, but I couldn’t stand the thought
of bending over for it. I hoped whoever found it would look good
wearing it. I stood breathing heavily in the elevator. The ride up
seemed excruciatingly slow. No amount of wiggling or shifting
could make enough space between me and the harness. After a
violent wrestling match at my door, I managed to get my hands
on my keys and ran through the living room screaming like I was
on fire. I hobbled into the kitchen, yanked my pants down, and
cut myself free with a kitchen knife. I was still lying on the floor
sobbing with relief when I heard a soft knock.
2
Pitifully Ugly
“Just a minute.” I danced around, kicking off my pants, and
grabbed a robe from my bedroom. I opened the door just a crack
and peered out at Hailey. She held up my jacket.
“You…um…left this laying in the hallway,” she said as she
handed it to me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I am now, thank you.”
“Okay, well, good night,” she said with a smile.
I watched as she walked away, then closed my door. “Great,
she probably thinks I wet my pants or worse,” I mumbled as I
staggered toward the bathroom.
When I passed the kitchen, the harness was still vibrating on
the floor like it had a life of its own. I stomped it a few times just
for the pleasure of it before I found the buttons and switched them
off. I barely had the strength to toss the hateful contraption into
the trash can. “Happy fucking birthday, Ann,” I said as I limped
away.
Robin Alexander
Chapter 5
Try, try again.
I woke up the next morning and realized it was nearly noon.
After soaking my sore girl bits in the bath for an hour, I gingerly
sat at my computer. Newbie had finally responded the night before
when I was out getting hammered in more ways than one.
Hi, P.U.,
I’ve been enjoying the New Orleans flavor a little too much.
I’m gonna have to go back to eating nuts and berries if I keep this
up. So I was wondering, what do you do for entertainment? Do
you have any recommendations?
Newbie
I wanted to write back and say stay away from cosmopolitans
and cheating hairdressers, but that was a topic that I wanted to
fade into oblivion. I’m not sure what got into me, but I decided to
take a chance…
Hi, Newbie,
I’m not really a barhopper, so I can’t give you much advice in
that area, but if you’d like to maybe see some of the sites around
town, I would be happy to show you around.
P.U.
I had a few new messages, but I decided that work needed to
come first, so I put my head down and got to it. I paid invoices
4
Pitifully Ugly
and reconciled two store accounts that kept me until five. I made
myself a salad and took a seat at my computer. My heart skipped
a beat when I noticed a new message from Newbie.
Hi, P.U.,
I really would like to get to know you better, so please don’t
take this the wrong way. I’m not ready to meet anyone in person
yet. I’m still getting comfortable with my surroundings. I hope
you understand.
Newbie
My beat-skipping heart sank. I’d never met this woman, and
our messages were really only small talk, but I felt down in my
bones that this woman might be worth getting to know. She didn’t
shut me out completely, but it was a rejection nonetheless. I didn’t
respond.
Instead, I took another long bath after eating half my salad. I
was in bed by eight and asleep almost immediately.
I got up the next morning, took a shower, and was nursing a
cup of coffee when the phone rang.
“Good morning, sis,” Kalen chirped happily. “How are
things?”
“Things are fine.” I decided to save the happenings at the
Canal Street salon for when she got back. No need to trouble her
with crap while she was sailing the ocean blue. “Are you and
Toad having a good time?”
“I sure am, but Todd is in our room nursing a hangover. I have
video of him doing the robot last night on the dance floor. It was
awful. He’s gonna be so embarrassed when he sees it. I can’t wait
for him to wake up.”
“I’m looking forward to seeing that myself,” I said with a
grin. Todd was the most reserved stick in the mud I’d ever seen.
He must have been trashed.
“I think we need to send Mom and Dad on a cruise for
their anniversary next year,” Kalen said around a mouthful of
something that was no doubt delicious and fattening.
Robin Alexander
“They live in the Keys. Why would they want to go on a
cruise?”
“Well, it doesn’t have to be in the Caribbean. We could send
them on one that goes to Alaska.”
“I’m game if you think we can get Dad off the golf course
long enough to go. Mom will be equally as difficult. She doesn’t
do the cold.”
“Let me work on Mom. She’ll love it if she’d give it a
chance.”
I was glad that we were on the topic of Mom and Dad that
kept her from pressing me about work and badgering me about
my lack of a life.
“Okay, honey, I’m gonna run now. This call is costing us a
pretty penny. Love you.”
“Love you, too, sis.”
On my list of personal things to do, I wanted to have gone on
a date while she was away, so I could show her that I was capable
of finding my own girlfriend. Sadly, I realized that it had always
been that way with us. She was always trying to take care of me,
and I was always trying to show I could do it on my own.
Kalen was the consummate planner for everyone. She was
the one who convinced our parents to retire and move to Florida.
Todd was her high school sweetheart, and she mapped out his