“I’m going to watch a little bit of the news, and see if I can get anything from when these idiots outside are going to go away,” Seri said, tossing Quill a Banana.
Aquilla smiled and walked upstairs.
She didn’t play with the phone. She had something else she had to do first.
Oh my God, Julius. I’m going to kill you when I see you. The numbers didn’t work. What the hell did they mean? She was sure that it was Quill. She tried every number combination there was. Nothing, denied access. She didn’t use any numbers and typed the simple name Quill. Fucking A, yes!!! Stupid fucker, there better not be any more barricades to get through.
Hey pretty girl. The first sentence confused the hell out of her. Did he know she was going to read his journal? This is not the journal that I lied and told you that it was. Remember a few years ago when we were stuck in that hotel for a month? You made fun of me for keeping a journal. It was never a journal, Quill. That was the first time that I was scared for you. I didn’t know what was going to happen. My father had never screwed up enough to stay in hiding for that long of a time. He wrote this for her?
If you are reading this, Quill, then one of two things have happened, either I am dead or we have been separated. I have no idea if you will even get the chance to read it, but I have to try. I’m not worried that you won’t be able to figure out my gibberish codes. You will, you’re too damned stubborn not to.
I have to tell you things that you have a right to know. The first one is that I love you. I love you so much, Quill. I have always loved you. It goes way beyond how a man loves a woman. It’s different than that, and I’m not sure I can even explain it. I felt an attraction to you when you were three, when we first took you from your family. You didn’t take me, Julius. You were just a little boy.
That is where I am going to start, Quill, from that morning in New York. Wait…let me back up just a bit. You need to know where I came from, as well. I know how much you love my father. I know that you think there is no one like him. I am glad of that. I am glad that he has always treated you like his little princess. He wasn’t always a good man, Quill. He was not a good husband to my mother…at all. I was afraid of him for many years. I hid behind my mother’s legs many times. Valdez is the one that gave me the story. It was shortly after you came along.
My mother was never meant to be anything more than another chattel. My father was training her when she became pregnant with me. He never knew it until he showed up months later to ask her to do another three month assignment. She was almost ready to give birth. He left her there until I was born, and sent his own physician in to do the paternity test. Although, he resented her for getting pregnant (like she didn’t have help), he wasn’t about to leave me there. She gave up her life for me. She thought that he would be able to give me a better life than she could in that poor little village. I’m sure we would have both been better off to have been left alone. I would think that her worrying about feeding me was less bothersome than what she lived through with him.
They were never like a married couple, and not even close to being a mother and father. They slept in separate rooms and my father got his thrills from training chattels. He was never intimate with my mother. Not usually, anyway. I do remember a few times when things were a little touchy and he would cease any new chattels coming in. He would just burst into any room or whatever she was doing and demand that she go to the training room. I assume that is how my blood sister came along. He was mean to her? Aquilla couldn’t believe what she was reading. Not from her father. He wasn’t capable of being mean to his family, was he?
I was the reason we were in New York. I begged my father to take me. I was too young then to know that his business consisted of a large shipment of coke being brought into the city. I wanted to see Times Square, Central Park, the Empire State Building and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I had just finished doing a report on the city and begged my father to take me. Aquilla was only four at the time, and although she had no idea what New York City even was, she crawled onto my father’s lap and begged too.
It melts my heart thinking about her. She placed both her little hands on the sides of his face and said, “I want to see the tire building too.” I didn’t think it was possible for him to love anyone as much as he loved her. He did, Quill. He loved you so much. I don’t know how or why, but he did. I’m sure he was a little sick. He had himself convinced that you were his little Quill. It’s actually kind of funny. You look like a ghost compared to the real Aquilla. I know now that he chose that week because of all of the commotion that would be taken away from the barges coming in and more focus being put on the festivities at Times Square.
I blamed myself for years for being there. We shouldn’t have been there. He shouldn’t have had us in that car. I miss her, Quill. I miss them both. She was such a joy to be around. I too didn’t think I could love you. I didn’t want to love you. You weren’t my little Quill. You were some white girl that my father snatched from the streets. Don’t worry. I did fall in love with you. I had to. You followed me around like a stray dog and I felt compelled to protect you, even though I too was just a boy. It was my duty. You were my new Quill, and I would have done anything to make you happy.
Aquilla wiped a tear that she hadn’t realized had fallen, and quickly closed the laptop.
“Hey, you okay?” Seri asked, sitting on the small bed with her.
“No,” she accidently sobbed. “I miss him, Seri. I need him. I don’t want to be here.”
Seri had no words. What was she supposed to say? She brushed her hair behind her shoulder and smiled a caring smile. “I don’t know how to make this easier for you, Quill.”
“I haven’t even been here one Goddamn day and I feel like I have been away from him for years. I need to touch him. I need to smell him. I have to find him, Seri.”
“Quill, you’re right. It’s only been one day. Give it some time. You’ll forget him. Time mends all wounds. You’re going to be okay.”
How the fuck did she know? She was going to leave and go back to her life. Aquilla moved the laptop to the nightstand. “I’m going to take a shower in my shared bathroom that isn’t even in my room,” she complained, grabbing clothes from her bag.
Aquilla appeased her so called parents and ate dinner with them. She didn’t talk much and only answered questions when she was asked. They tried to get her to stay downstairs and watch television, but she didn’t want to. She was already tired of seeing her picture all over the news. She hated it. She hated being the kidnapped girl. She wanted to go home. She wanted her father and Julius. This was so unfair and nobody gave a flying fuck about what she wanted. They all knew what was best for her. Fuck them, all of them, even Seri. She didn’t need any of them. She needed Julius. Julius had to have something written about his whereabouts. He just had to. How long could she keep this up?
Aquilla showered, letting the hot water mix with the tears. Why the hell was she crying? She didn’t cry. She was a Chavez. Chavez’s didn’t cry. She wanted Julius, that’s why. She just wanted him. She needed him.
Aquilla used a little of Reese’s makeup, trying to hide the puffy eyes before rejoining Seri, who needed to leave her alone so that she could read.
“I’m going to grab a shower and then we’re going to talk,” Seri warned, dropping her cellphone to her twin bed.