“She did?” Quill asked, looking over at her. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want her to feel anything for her. Why couldn’t she just leave her alone and keep her distance until she could figure out how to get out of there?
“Yes. She did. She loves you, Quill.”
“I don’t belong here, Mo. I’m different than them.”
“How are you different?”
“I don’t know. I can’t explain it. I wasn’t raised with this happy little family. I mean, I was happy and all. It was just different. I had servants that took care of everything for me. I don’t think I ever made my own bed, not until Seri made me do it anyway. I spent my life running and with two people.”
“Why do you think this is some happy little family?”
Quill snorted. “Watch how my mother is always playing with Reese’s hair, rubbing her back, and engaging in meaningless conversation with her. I don’t do emotions.”
“You never had the physical contact like that growing up?”
“I mean, yeah, sort of. My father hugged me and stuff, and Julius was always affectionate with me. This is just different. I don’t know.”
“Do you know that when your mother lost you, she lost Reese too?”
“What do you mean?”
“She left her and your father for two years. She didn’t feel as though she deserved Reese. She felt immense guilt for letting someone snatch you away.”
“What do you mean she left Reese for two years?”
“She left her in New York with your father and moved back here. She stopped living, spent her time in a dark room, and wouldn’t have anything to do with her own daughter.”
“She did?”
“Yes, Quill. She loves you. Please give her a chance.”
“They got a divorce because of me?”
“No. They got a divorce because Romano Chavez took you away from them, and she couldn’t handle it. None of it was your fault. You were three.”
Aquilla took a deep breath. Her heart felt heavy all of a sudden and she wasn’t sure how she felt anymore. She worked better being stone cold toward her mother and Reese. She didn’t want to like them, be close to them or be their friend. She didn’t want to hurt them either.
“I don’t know how, Mo,” she honestly spoke.
Monica smiled a warm smile, feeling like maybe she had just chipped away a little of the stone wall Aquilla had built.
“Spend some time with her, Quill. Go out to eat and to the movies with her tonight. Stop trying to push her away. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about. I’ve already coached her on what I think are going to be sore spots with you.”
“Really? And what is your conception of my sore spots?”
“Julius for one. I’ve explained to her that just because she feels that it is wrong that you think you love him, doesn’t mean that it is wrong, and that she wasn’t there. She doesn’t know. Your father is another one. She is aware that just because he took you from her, doesn’t mean that you didn’t love him, and that he didn’t give you a good life that you miss.”
“I don’t want Seri to leave me.”
“Honey, Seri is not your rock. Seri has her own problems. Let your mother fill those shoes.”
“I don’t know if I can, Mo,” Aquilla admitted with watery eyes, looking over to her.
“You don’t have to do anything, Quill. Just take that first step. The next one will follow. I promise.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
“How about you take the first one and worry about the next one when you need to. Better yet. Don’t worry about it at all. Just open up to your mother and see where it takes you.”
“I’m still going to find Julius and get out of here as soon as I can,” she assured her.
“Baby steps, Quill.”
Aquilla knew that meant to see where this took her before she decided to do that. She knew that Monica was hoping that she would realize that she wanted to be there with her family and that Julius was bad for her.
Chapter 14
Aquilla tried not to show her impressiveness over the massive movie screen and the surround sound in the theater. She even turned her head a couple of times, looking for a window. The thunderstorm flowing around the cinema felt so real. Wow. She really was sheltered. She couldn’t help but be excited. She may have picked a better movie had she known this one was about a drug cartel. She fought her whirling mind the whole time, trying to keep her attention on the movie while the scenes reminded her of the home she left behind.
The sidewalk was dark by the time the two of them exited the building.
“Want to get ice cream?” Liz asked, as they walked down the sidewalk.
“Sure. You know the last time I had ice cream was the day that our home was raided and my father was killed and Julius ran,” Aquilla shared for whatever reason.
Liz had to bite her bottom lip to keep from reminding her that he wasn’t her father. “I can’t imagine how hard that was for you, Quill. I’m sorry all of this has happened to you. I wish I could change it.”
“My father used to tell me that everything happens for a reason. Do you believe that?” Quill asked, looking over to her mother.
“No. I can’t really say that I do. I spent years thinking that. It drove me nuts. My father too, used to say that same thing. I spent many waken nights trying to figure out what I had done. If things happened the way they did for a reason, than I had to have done something really bad. ‘Cognitive dissonance,’ that’s the only thing I think I took from my own years of therapy.”
“What’s that?” Aquilla asked.
“It’s where an individual’s behavior conflicts with beliefs that are integral to his or her self-identity.”
“Uh?” Aquilla mumbled, not understanding the foreign language.
“Take a smoker. They smoke, which is the behavior, but yet they know that it causes cancer, which is the cognition. I was what you might call a smoker.”
“You have asthma. Why would you smoke?”
“No, not really, I’ve never smoked. I’m just using it as an example. My behavior of some of the things that I did after you were taken, were sort of like that. I knew my actions were causing major turmoil on my family, yet I did it anyway.”
“Like leaving Reese?”
“Monica tell you about
“Yeah, but don’t be mad at her. She’s only trying to help.”
“Yes. Like leaving Reese,” Liz admitted, holding the door for Aquilla to enter the ice cream shop.
“Do you want to eat in here or just keep walking?”
“We can walk. It’s nice out.”
“Hey, I know you. You’re that pretty famous girl that was all over the news last week,” the young man at the counter smiled. “How are you? I hope you are doing okay,” he stated, sincerely.
“Yes. I’m fine. Thank you for asking,” Aquilla smiled back.
“What can I get for you two lovely ladies this evening?”
“I’ll have a small strawberry cone,” Aquilla replied.
“Make that two,” Liz added.
They waited while the cute boy fixed their cones. Aquilla noticed a table of four young people about her age, looking at her as they whispered around the table.
“Here you go. They’re on the house,” the boy said, handing over the cones with a Colgate smile.
“Thank you,” they said simultaneously.
“You know that boy was flirting with you, don’t you?” Liz teased as they walked.
“Shit. I would hurt that little boy_____. Crap. Sorry,” Aquilla said with a skewed face.