"I was sent to this home for girls. It was hell for the first few weeks, without any sex or pain. I could have gone for some cunt-sucking from other girls, but that idea just sickens me. I'm working with the psychiatrists now. I don't know if I can change, or if I really want to, but I guess I'm not normal. But I think I'd do almost anything to get out of this place and get back to where regular people are."
That is Ginny's story or at least the beginnings of a bizarre sex life. She is quite typical, in many ways, of the most extreme masochist.
Her account of her early home life clearly revealed that she thought she was a nothing because of the way her parents ignored her. Later, with Dick, she felt as if she were worthless, then when she was able to experience great joy and satisfaction, and give it to Dick, she obeyed the deep desire to be somebody. She believed that she was truly superior.
Ginny's wonder about the ability to blend pain and pleasure is common to most of us. Psychiatrists state that pain and pleasure are far from opposites, but are, in fact, quite similar in that both involve stimulation of the nerve ends.
It is the brain and the emotional makeup that determines which of these stimulations are pleasurable, and which are painful.
Further, it is unlikely that Dick could have aroused Ginny's passions as he did, with paddling, had she not been attuned to such stimulation by her earlier experiences at home. By watching her mother, Ginny had been conditioned to believe that pain was a prerequisite to sexual pleasure; thus, she was almost eager to attain such pleasures, accepting pain as a normal part of the game.
The buttocks are a part of the erogenous zone which is centered in the vagina. Also, the vagina is the seat of sexual pleasure. Thus, any stimulation of the buttocks, such as paddling or spanking, has a definite responsive effect on the vagina. First, there was a sensation of pain, then as the pleasure nerves in the vagina began to respond, there was a co-existing, dual sensation of pleasure and pain. Eventually, pleasure took over and there was no pain.
Not all persons can react this way, which leads psychiatrists to believe that there is a strong emotional tie or connection which enables the brain to transform the pain into pleasure. In a slightly different way, Dick was like this, too. He enjoyed giving the pain, or he would have stopped the relationship much sooner, or not, even have allowed it to develop at all. Also, he was often unable to stop himself, which indicates total involvement with what he was doing. His brain was translating Ginny's pain into his pleasure.
It is not as simple as we try to make it, for purposes of understanding a child like Ginny, but that is the basic principle involved.
This "pleasure from pain" syndrome is, as mentioned at the beginning of this chapter, present in all of us. In Ginny, it was nurtured and encouraged to a point where it got out of control. Ginny is now getting professional care and help with her problem.
Chapter 5
Pre-Teen Lesbian
Psychiatrists have divergent theories about the factors which tend to produce homosexuality. Masturbation has been named by some as the largest factor among females, but other experts disagree with this theory. Kinsey and others who have researched this subject, tend to believe that the frequency of orgasm is much higher in lesbian relationships than in heterosexual encounters. One reason for this theory is that two individuals of the same sex are likely to understand the anatomy and the physiologic responses and psychology of their own sex better than they understand that of the opposite sex. Such an understanding is often developed through masturbatory practices by which the female is able to acquaint herself with her own sexual desires and requirements.
It is commonly accepted that many lesbians use their knowledge of masturbation as a ploy in seduction of other females.
Christine, the subject of this account, was first seduced through masturbation. The facts of her homosexuality, however, show that a highly complex set of background facts had a hand in making her a confirmed, aggressive lesbian.
Chris was the youngest of five girls, and her father died when she was a year old. Thus, she was raised in an atmosphere of complete femininity, and by a mother who taught her to hate and distrust men. Another important factor in her later lesbianism is that she had absolutely no father image, nor any male affection as a child. This is pointed out merely to establish the fact that it was quite natural and normal for Chris to turn to females for solace and affection.
"I didn't realize until I was about five, I suppose, that nobody seemed to miss my father. My mother was always griping about what a no-good he was, with only one thing on his mind sex. She said he used to beat her up, and when I asked my older sisters about it, they said it was true. I grew to believe that all men were ogres the bad guys in life.
"And, my sisters were good to me especially Jane, the next youngest to me. She was four years older than me, and we shared the same room and even slept in the same bed from the time I was four, so we were very dose.
"I remember that when I'd been punished by my mother, or my oldest sister, and would be in bed, crying, Jane would put her arms around me and hold my body close to her. Sometimes, she would rub my body I used to get leg-aches a lot and she'd rub my legs. Often, she would let her hand touch my pussy, and once or twice, she would rub the lips of it with her fingers. She would usually kiss me on the lips when she was doing this, and after a while, I got so that I turned to Jane for all my solace and all of my affection, my mother had to work and I don't remember her ever showing me much affection. The older girls were so much older than me that we were almost like strangers. My world consisted mostly of Jane.
"I remember once, when I was five, Jane came in the room crying and holding her crotch. She said she had been playing 'tag’ with some other kids and one of the boys had grabbed her and dug his nails into her pussy. She took off her panties and you could see the red nail marks she didn't have any hair around her pussy yet.
"I asked her if I could rub it for her. She looked at me sort of funny, then said okay. I remember that she laid down on the bed and spread her legs, and I rubbed her pussy as gently as I could. Then I remembered that sometimes, when I'd have a scratch or bump and would run to Jane, she would kiss it ‘to make it better.’ I've seen a lot of people do that to kids.
"Without asking Jane, I leaned over and kissed her cunt, right on the lips. She jumped and half sat up, watching me as I kept on kissing the lips and the places where the marks showed. She didn't stop me, but after a while she just laid back and let me rub and kiss her pussy. She put her hand down without disturbing my kissing and ran a finger inside her pussy. She played with the little knob I could see sticking up just inside the lips. After a while, she moved her finger faster, and then all at once she just relaxed and pushed me away.
"We didn't do anything for quite a while after that, but I kept wondering how it felt to put your finger inside and play with your pussy, so I tried it. It felt good, but nothing really happened to me. Then one night, I asked Jane to do it to me. I thought that I was doing it wrong because I wasn't getting much fun out of it just a warm, good feeling that excited me.
"She played with my knob and it did feel better than when I did it, but it still didn't thrill me at the end like she seemed to be able to do to herself.
"Later, she kissed my pussy like I'd kissed hers, and that felt real good. It excited me when she put her tongue up inside and rubbed it over my knob. We began to do it to each other a lot after that.