I straightened my spine and took on a chastising tone. “Doesn’t matter. Someone has to teach you proper etiquette.”
“Oh, fuck me,” Cowboy groaned, shifting the bulge in his crotch and shaking his head. “I can’t believe I’m getting all hot and bothered for a woman who acts like an old-fashioned schoolmarm.”
I glared at him. “Why don’t you just leave me alone, then? Lord knows I’ve asked you to several times.”
He closed his eyes and pursed his lips. “Because I can’t, okay?”
“What do you mean you can’t?”
“You’re like a…drip on a leaky fucking faucet. You know, where at first you don’t notice it, but once you do, it’s the only damn thing you can concentrate on.”
“So now I’m a drip?”
“No. That’s not what I… What I mean is…” He pinched the bridge of his nose as the delivery of his lines stilted. “God, I’m fucking this up.” He took a deep breath and looked back at me. “Don’t you get it? Anna, I want you.”
My stomach twisted into a knot, and I clamped my eyes shut, trying to block out his words. A sickening wave of nausea washed over me. Though I wasn’t planning on staying much longer, the thought of having Cowboy at least once was enough to tempt me. It was a fantasy I’d played over and over in my head many times before. But could I actually do it? Could I allow myself one night with him, knowing it would mean more to me than it would to him?
No. I couldn’t possibly torture myself that way. To even consider it meant he’d already gotten under my skin. But to grant him one night would only ensure that when my time was up, I’d leave with nothing more than fond memories and a broken heart.
So instead, I said the one thing that would put an end to his relentless pursuit. “Cowboy, I didn’t move here with any intention of finding a relationship. Even if I had, I’d want one with substance, one that means something. Not a fling with someone who wants to take care of his…er, baser needs. I’d need a commitment.”
“So that’s what it all boils down to, right? You think I’m in it for the sexual reward? Like some sort of test to my manhood? I’m not, I swear.” He measured me with his eyes, his face serious.
Jeez. Would the man go to any lengths to get a woman in his bed? “You don’t have to pretend you’re interested in anything more than a one-night—”
His hand shot out and grasped my upper arm. “Where the hell did you get a lame-ass idea like that?”
I squirmed to free myself, but his grip only tightened. “That’s what you’ve been after since day one, isn’t it? To get me out of my clothes?”
“Of course not.”
I raised a questioning brow.
“Okay, so maybe I’ve come on a little strong. But when it comes to you, I can’t help myself. I’ve never met anyone like you. You challenge me in ways no other woman ever has.” He lessened the strength of his hold on me. “I want you to give this thing between us a chance.”
“You just see me as some sort of prize to be won because I’m the only girl who’s ever turned you down. You said so yourself.”
Cowboy’s posture stiffened and a vein throbbed in his temple. “Maybe that’s how it started out, but you’re not just some woman who turned me down. If I only wanted to have sex with you, I’d have taken you against the door when I had the chance.” I opened my mouth to argue, but he continued. “Don’t even bother denying it. Because, darlin’, we both know I damn well could have,” he said, a sly grin forming on his perfect mouth as his intense eyes focused on mine.
A lump formed in my throat and my stomach twisted into a knot. The heat from his gaze alone had me clenching my thighs together.
“Look, I know I’m a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve someone like you to give me a chance,” he said, keeping his voice controlled and his tone even, “but I’m asking you to anyway. You’re more than a passing interest for me.”
That was the moment it dawned on me.
I blinked at him in fascinated horror, as if I were watching a speeding car driving headfirst into a brick wall. He wasn’t asking for a one-night stand at all. Cowboy was asking me for a relationship, the very thing I’d just told him I wouldn’t settle for less than. Crap.
I hadn’t been prepared for this and wasn’t sure what to say, so I shook my head adamantly and said, “I’m sorry, but you’re…not my type.”
His control wavered as he sneered. “Why? Because I’m not Prince Fucking Charming on a white goddamn horse? You think I can’t measure up to the heroes in those fucking romance books you read?”
“It’s not that,” I told him, my eyes avoiding his as my body trembled. “I…I just don’t want this.”
God, I wanted this…and so much more.
He gritted his teeth. “Anna, you’re going to have to do better than that if you think you have any chance at convincing me you don’t want me. What the fuck are you so afraid of?”
“Nothing.” My voice cracked under the pressure.
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he ground out, pulling me to him.
My hands flew to his chest and I struggled to push him away. “No, I can’t.” He held enough power over my emotions to make me change my mind and tell him the truth, but I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t put anyone else at risk…especially him. I wouldn’t allow him to make himself a target for the man I knew would soon be coming for me. Because he always came for me.
One of his hands held my waist firmly as the other pushed a strand of my hair back and slowly moved down my neck until his palm rested above my left breast. “You feel that—the way your heart pounds against my hand and your body trembles under my touch? Don’t tell me it’s nothing.”
It was something, but… “I…can’t do this. Not to you.”
“Then talk to me, Anna. Tell me what’s stopping you.”
“I just don’t want you to…touch me.” Tears welled up in my eyes as my voice broke.
His jaw tightened and his mouth turned into a frown. “What is it about me touching you that scares you so much?”
“Nothing. It doesn’t,” I said quickly, adamantly denying it. I pushed against him, hoping he’d release me. I needed to get away from him. Now. His grip only tightened. I was going to have to tell him something or he was never going to stop pressing for the truth. “I’m afraid you’ll stop, okay?” Having blurted out the one thing that bothered me most about leaving, I blinked and a fat tear landed on my cheek. But I managed to cover up the truth by giving him something that would make complete sense. “M-my scars…”
“Darlin’, I’ve already seen your scars, remember?”
Sniffling, I lowered my head, unable to look him in the eye. “Yes, but not the full extent of them.”
“Doesn’t matter. When I look at you, I don’t see scars.” He lifted my chin with one finger and used his thumb to wipe away the tear. “I only see you. And whether you believe it or not, sweetheart, you’re beautiful. If you haven’t noticed, I haven’t wanted to stop touching you since I first gave in to the notion.”
“But you did. The night you first saw them, you touched them, and then left.”
Cowboy’s green eyes glittered as a muscle twitched in his neck. “Darlin’, the only fucking reason I walked out on you that night was to keep my dick from tearing through my jeans to get at you.”
My heart squeezed painfully tight in my chest. Contemplating a one-night stand with Cowboy was one thing…even if I couldn’t bring myself to tear my own heart out that way. But the moment he clarified he wanted more from me, I was lost. Yet I couldn’t ruin his life by letting him get closer to me. I needed to end this now by telling him I was leaving because I was in danger. I had no choice. Only then would he understand.
“There are other things you don’t know about me. Things that matter. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. I’m not a whole person.” More tears flowed down my cheeks as I tried to make him understand. “I’m…broken.”