“Oh.” Feeling like a presumptuous idiot, I turned away from him and quickly closed my robe, crossing my arms over my chest to keep it in place. What the hell was I thinking? He’d obviously changed his mind about us.
“Anna, wait.” He stepped up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. “It’s not what you think.”
“It’s okay,” I said, holding back tears of embarrassment. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I get it.”
“Do you?” he asked, sounding painfully unsure. “You’ve been drinking and aren’t thinking clearly.”
“I understand the difference between a man who wants me and one who obviously doesn’t.”
“That’s not what I meant, Anna. I was only talking about the alcohol. That’s the reason we can’t do this. When we do, I want you to be sure, and I’m not entirely convinced you are.”
I turned around and looked into his eyes. “You think I’m throwing myself at you because I’m inebriated?”
He grinned. “Even drunk, you can’t stop using big words.”
I dropped my gaze and looked away. “This is embarrassing enough. You don’t have to make fun of me.”
“Darlin’, I’m not poking fun. I think it’s adorable the way you talk.” Using one finger, he lifted my chin. “Look, your first time should be special. Not some post-drinking binge decision.”
I blinked at him in horror. “What?”
“I don’t mind being your first, Anna. But not like this. I know you’re probably nervous about being with a man, but we don’t have to rush into having sex.”
“You know, you have a really infuriating and insulting concept of me,” I told him, crossing my arms once again.
“Sweetheart, I’m not trying to make you feel bad about being inexperienced. I’m just trying to tell you it’s okay. You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. It’s not a problem.”
“Apparently, Houston, we do have a problem.” I pursed my mouth, trying to control my temper, then blew out a breath at his puzzled look. “I’m not a virgin.”
The shocked look on his face was almost laughable. And I probably would’ve laughed if it hadn’t been for the annoying way he was staring at me. As if I were tainted or something.
I shook my head with irritation. “Your silence is deafening.”
“I’m just a little…surprised, that’s all.”
And disappointed, perhaps? Was that what he wanted from the beginning? “What does it matter, anyway? It has no bearing on—”
He shoved to his feet and started pacing. “When?”
I gave him an ill look. “It wasn’t recent, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“So this whole time, you’ve been acting innocent and toying with me?”
“Toying with you?” Confusion filled my head. “What are you talking about?”
“Your shyness about being touched, the virginal wardrobe, and the whole insecure schoolgirl routine you put out there. It was all an act?” He paced behind my couch for several beats. “Hell, woman, you might as well have been winking at me in the dark.”
“Well, I’m so sorry if you didn’t see my tramp stamp posted clearly on my back,” I said.
“Jesus Christ, now you have a tattoo?”
Oh God. This was getting ridiculous. I stood and swiveled toward him, blowing out a hard breath. “No, you’re missing the point entirely.”
“Then maybe you better explain it to me.”
“That’s just it, Cowboy. I don’t owe you any sort of explanation just because you assumed I was a virgin. If you wanted to know, then you should’ve asked.”
He gaped at me. “I didn’t just make that shit up in my head,” he yelled. “You pretended to be innocent.”
“I didn’t pretend anything,” I said, insulted by the accusation.
“Look, I’m not upset that you aren’t a virgin. I’m just not real keen on the idea about another man putting his hands on you. Especially when that bastard was married.”
“Married? What are you talking about?”
“It was Chief Swanson, wasn’t it? That’s who you were sleeping with?”
“What? No. Of course not.” I shook my head in disbelief that he would even think such a thing.
“Look, I already know he was sleeping with someone else before his wife came back in the picture. He dies and then suddenly you show up in town, claiming that you don’t know him, yet I find you at his grave kissing his headstone and spouting off apologies.”
“I already told you I didn’t know him,” I shouted, letting the anger consume me. “Excuse me if I don’t go around screwing strangers, like you—” I cringed internally at the words that had slipped out.
“You done yet?”
“No. I’m. Not.” I pushed back my hair and blew my bangs out of my eyes. “To quell your curiosity, I lost my virginity a long time ago. I don’t know why you consider that such an affront to your masculinity, but if it’s such a problem that I’m not the pure woman you assumed I was, then I don’t need you.”
“So you expected to drop something like this on me and not allow me to have time to process it?”
“There’s nothing to process. My past experiences are my own, and unless you’re willing to bare your dating lifespan to me, then it’s none of your business what I did or who I did it with.”
“Fine!”
“Fine!” I yelled back.
He grabbed his hat off the coffee table, turned on his heel, and stormed out to his truck. Throwing it in drive, he peeled out, spitting gravel across my lawn while stirring up a cloud of dust. Stumped by his anger, I slammed the door and sank into my couch. Well, just great.
I’d thought the night would’ve ended differently. Prince Charming was supposed to sweep me off my feet and carry me to bed. But that just goes to show why I’d never believed in fairy tales to begin with. The prince isn’t always charming and the princess isn’t always a virgin.
The next night, Bobbie Jo and Emily squeezed through the crowd of the bar and hurried toward me. They took a seat at the little round table in the corner that I’d been holding for us.
“We got here as fast as we could,” Bobbie Jo said. “What’s wrong?”
“I just needed someone to talk to.”
“But you said to come quick,” Emily said. “What’s the big emergency?”
“Well, I…uh…” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I want to have sex with Cowboy,” I blurted out.
Emily laughed. “Who doesn’t?”
“No, let me rephrase. I’m going to have sex with Cowboy…er, well I thought I was, anyway.”
Bobbie Jo shook her head. “Oh, Lord, I can’t believe you drank the Cowboy Kool-Aid.” Guess Emily hadn’t filled her in yet.
“It’s always the quiet ones,” Emily said, grinning. “So I guess last night didn’t go as planned?”
I blushed, not knowing how to explain the situation to them and maintain any bit of dignity I had left. “I think I made a mistake.”
“What do you mean you made a mistake? What’d he do to you?” Bobbie Jo asked, looking like she was about to send out an all-girl mob to remove Cowboy’s testicles.
“He didn’t do anything. That’s the problem.” My cheeks grew hotter. “I tried to seduce him and…well, he rejected me.”
Both girls blinked, as if I’d just told them aliens had taken over the planet. “Really?” Bobbie Jo asked.
Emily shook her head adamantly. “I didn’t think he was capable of turning down sex. Are you sure he understood what you were offering?”
“Oh, he understood, all right. And he turned me down flat.”
“Well, then it’s his loss. Right, Bobbie Jo?” Emily paused, waiting for a response, but when none came, she elbowed her friend. “Bobbie Jo?”
“Really?” Bobbie Jo said again, clearly still not believing Cowboy shot down a female offering him sex.
I sighed. “Who am I kidding? Obviously, I’m the first girl he’s ever turned down. Whatever. It’s not like I would really know how to please a man like him, anyway.”