He released an oath, his hand jerking back down to his side as if he’d been burned.
My cheeks flamed.
Most of the volunteers looked busy, but my gaze connected with Adam’s across the gym and I froze. His eyes narrowed. He was too far away from where we stood to hear our conversation, and Gray’s back was to him, but I still didn’t like the look on his face. It wasn’t suspicious, but it was curious, and I couldn’t afford curious right now. I couldn’t afford much of anything where Gray was concerned.
“I should go change,” I murmured.
“I’m sorry . . .” His voice trailed off.
The problem with the familiarity between us was that it was tough to remember when to turn it on and off. Hard to pretend like we hadn’t already crossed the Rubicon.
“It’s okay.”
I turned to walk away, but his voice called me back.
“Blair?”
“Yeah?”
He cleared his throat, and the expression he gave me filled me with all kinds of warmth. “You did an amazing job today. You’re going to give these kids a memory they won’t ever forget.”
I nodded, unable to speak for fear that if I did, it would give everything away. I’d wanted him when he was an asshole, kissed him when he was kind, but the look in his eyes now, the softness there, made my insides melt and seized my heart.
I fled the gym before I gave him everything.
Gray
I felt sorry for the Phantom.
And when she’d said it, her words had been full of compassion. Just like that day in the car. I was choking on Blair Reynolds’s compassion and I couldn’t breathe.
She was like a dream I’d given up long ago. A different life, a better me. A chance to wash the filth away.
I wanted her more than I’d ever wanted anyone. It was a gnawing hunger in the pit of my stomach, the feeling that no matter how much I ate, I’d never be full.
The worst was her kindness, her generosity, her attempts to soothe. She was like a beacon of hope, and as fucking corny as that sounded, I couldn’t resist the urge to be around her. It wasn’t about sex; I didn’t even know what it was anymore—
It was nice not being alone.
Fuck.
I tried to focus on handing candy out to the kids, not allowing myself to search for Blair in the crowded gym. I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d dressed up as, if she’d gone for a sexy costume like a lot of the student volunteers, or if she’d chosen something cute.
“Can I have a piece of candy?”
A little kid stood in front of me dressed in a Captain America costume, his hand clutched in his older brother’s. The carnival was mainly for the middle school students, but some of them had brought younger siblings with them. Everyone seemed to be having a blast.
Blair had outdone herself. The event was way more impressive than your typical school carnival. The kids wandered around with dazed, overexcited looks on their faces, as though the combination of sugar, games, and pumpkins was better than a trip to Disney World.
I’d always been happy to donate money to various charities in Chicago. I’d grown up on the South Side streets; I knew how desperately the neighborhoods needed it. But I hadn’t done anything hands-on. Ever. It hadn’t been my wife’s style, and with me working eighty-plus hour weeks, there hadn’t been much left over for volunteering. But just the simple act of handing out candy to these kids, seeing their smiles . . .
It felt a lot better than just writing a check.
I’d been one of these kids, knew how life could drag you down and pile on until you didn’t believe you had a chance at anything better. I’d been lucky that school had come easily for me, that I’d always liked learning, and that alone had probably saved me from joining a gang or worse.
I’d planned on overseeing the pro bono program without getting involved, but maybe I could research places I could help out. The slower work pace helped and I definitely had the time now. I’d always been pretty balls-to-the-wall, but it was impossible to ignore the fact that I’d also burned out fast. It was nice to not work an eighteen-hour day. To sleep in a bed rather than the couch in my office. To eat normal meals rather than existing on caffeine, coke, and the occasional sandwich my secretary picked up for me. I went to the gym now, had even started boxing again—a habit I’d lost when I’d started law school.
Rehab had taught me to find balance in my life, to recognize my triggers. I had the kind of personality where shit snowballed real quickly if I didn’t get it under control.
“Can I have some candy?”
The sound of the small voice jerked me back as I stared down at the cutest little girl I’d ever seen. She’d lost her front teeth, gracing me with a winsome smile, her little body dressed in a purple costume that looked like a fairy or something. The words came out with a slight lisp.
I crouched down, dropping a few pieces in her outstretched jack-o’-lantern candy basket.
Jessica hadn’t been a big fan of children—too messy, too loud, too much trouble, even with the nanny my money would have provided. I’d never been a kid guy. I’d been so busy making money I hadn’t really cared. But staring at this adorable little girl, I wondered what it would have been like if we’d had a kid. Would I have fucked it up with all of my problems? Or would loving something more than myself have grounded me in a way nothing else seemed to?
The little girl flashed me another smile, sending a pang somewhere near the vicinity of my heart. And then her chubby little hand came up and she gave me a wave. A smile tugged at my lips as I returned the wave, my body crouched down, eye level with her. We studied each other, and then she turned her head, and I was forgotten.
“I want to go see the princess!” she cried.
I followed her gaze and froze.
Blair stood a few feet away, dressed like a ballerina. The top was pink and gold, held up by thin straps that showed a mouthwatering amount of skin. It fit snugly against her torso and then flared out in a lighter pink tutu. Her legs were covered in tights, ballerina slippers on her feet. Her hair was up in a tight bun, some sort of tiara on her head.
A group of girls surrounded her, their eyes wide, clearly dazzled by her. I didn’t blame them. She looked like something out of a fairy tale.
Blair beamed, bending down to speak to one of the little girls, her eyes glowing, and our gazes locked as if she knew I was standing there, as if she’d been looking for me all along.
Blair
I wasn’t sure my ovaries could handle the sight of Graydon Canter smiling at a little girl dressed like a fairy.
I was ridiculously attracted to him on a normal day, add in the way he beamed at the little girl, and I was done.
And then he looked at me, and everything else fell away as a flutter took root in my heart, spreading throughout my body.
It was as though he held a string that bound us together, and even if I’d wanted to sever the tie, I couldn’t.
“How are things going?” I asked, flashing the little fairy next to him a big smile, trying to get my racing heart under control. My entire body felt electrified, awareness humming through my veins.
His eyes widened, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.
“Good.”
I took some candy from the bucket in front of him, my hand shaking slightly, and handed it out to the girls around me. Gray stood still beside me.
When I’d finished, I hovered there, not ready to leave.
I wracked my brain for topics to discuss.
“It’s a nice turnout, right? Everyone seems to be having a good time. Even the volunteers. Nothing like celebrating Halloween and seeing kids smile to take the stress of law school away.”
I took a deep breath, the pace of my rambling timed by the rapid beating of my heart.
“Speaking of, I’ve heard of other law schools bringing in pets to visit with students during finals. It helps relieve anxiety. I was thinking we should do something like that, but maybe use shelter dogs so they get some love. What do you think?”