Blair
I sat on the couch in the law school lobby, glaring at the ringing phone, willing her to stop calling. It had been almost a week since the election, and my voice mail was flooded with angry messages from my mother. I wasn’t sure what she was more pissed about: that I’d blown off my father’s event, or that I’d gone to Will’s and spent the night hanging out with Jackie. Or that it had shown up in Capital Confessions.
My phone lit up again, and I stifled a groan as I answered and succumbed to the inevitable.
“Hi, Mom.”
“I assume you’ve seen Capital Confessions.”
Trust my mother to jump right into political machinations. No Hi, how are you? for the Reynolds family.
“I have.”
Honestly, I was surprised by how much I’d been mentioned in Capital Confessions lately. My breakup with Thom had fed the site for a while, and then they’d focused on Jackie’s paternity, and I’d been casually mentioned in those posts. But now my name appeared on an almost weekly basis. Most of the mentions were tied to my father, but still. I figured at some point the media had to tire of me.
“How could you?”
I couldn’t pretend to be shocked. I’d known this moment was coming for a long time. There was a line in the sand between my parents and Jackie, and each time I crossed it, our relationship worsened.
I wished it didn’t have to be like this, that it wasn’t my sister or my parents. Wished my father was the kind of man who had included Jackie in our lives from the beginning. But there wasn’t anything I could do anymore. They’d made their choices, and I’d made mine, and I wasn’t going to keep apologizing.
“She’s my sister. I wanted to be there for her.”
My mother sucked in a deep breath as if I’d struck her through the phone.
“It sends a message you shouldn’t be sending,” she snapped.
I didn’t bother pointing out that my parents had held a press conference when the news of Jackie’s paternity broke, feeding the media some bullshit story about how we were all one big happy family. As though they both didn’t treat Jackie like she was a leper.
“She’s my sister,” I repeated, wondering how my mother knew so little about me to think that I would abandon Jackie. “I’m sorry that her existence hurts you. I’m sorry he cheated. What he did was so wrong, but even worse is how he doesn’t attempt to make amends. None of this is her fault, and yet she’s the one who bears the brunt of it.”
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, Blair, but I’m tired of you acting out. You should be less concerned with that girl and more concerned with your family. You need to think about how your behavior reflects on the rest of us.”
That was all I had done. For years. I was over it.
“Why?”
“Because you have a duty to this family.”
There it was. The duty that was an albatross around my neck.
“It’s bad enough that you caused that scandal with Thom . . .”
“That scandal? That’s what you’re going to call my fiancé cheating on me? A scandal?”
How about some fucking sympathy? A hug. A kind word. Thom’s betrayal had been difficult enough without the added pressure my parents put on me.
“There was no need for your dramatics. When I think of the humiliation of all those people there, waiting for a wedding that never happened. Of your father, just months before the election . . . It’s bad enough, what we have to deal with from Kate. I expected better from you.”
Because I’d always played by their rules? Because I’d never had the balls to stand up for myself? Because I’d hidden who I really was so far beneath layers of bullshit, manners, and propriety?
“Why?”
“Because it’s expected of you. You threw everything away, and for what? A law degree from a school no one outside of D.C. has ever even heard of? You could have made a good marriage. I don’t know what man is going to want to put up with your drama now.”
Drama?
“No.” My voice shook as I pushed the words out. Everything came bubbling to the surface. My anger at my parents, at Thom, at Gray for treating me like everyone else did. For not fucking seeing me. Even at Kate for always getting to be the one who broke curfew, who talked back to our parents, who did whatever the hell she wanted, damn the consequences.
But more than anything, I was angry at myself. I’d done this. I’d allowed myself to become this shell of a person, and the worst part was that I fucking knew it. I’d criticized Gray for being scared, but I wasn’t much better. I should have done this a long time ago.
“I’m done doing things because it’s expected. Or because you need it to look good for an election, or so your friends will be impressed. I’m done caring what they write about me in Capital Confessions. I’m done living my life so everything looks a certain way. I’m done pretending I’m someone I’m not.
“This is me. I got a low score on my LSATs, and I go to a shitty law school that I know you’re disappointed about. And even though it’s a shitty law school, I’ll still probably get Cs this semester, because even though I busted my ass studying all of fall break, I still don’t understand most of it.”
“Blair—”
“I’m not done. Jackie is my sister. So is Kate. Don’t force me to choose between you and them, because after everything that’s happened, it’s not a choice.” I struggled to control my voice, to contain the rage seeping out.
“I’m not the girl you thought I was, and I’m sorry if that disappoints you, but I’m not going to change. It’s up to you whether or not that’s enough.”
With my parents, who knew? They’d all but written Kate out of their wills. Maybe I’d be stricken from the family bible as well. I couldn’t force myself to care.
I waited for her to say something, hoped that on some level she’d understand, but was met with the deep freeze of silence instead.
Standard.
I said good-bye, grabbed my books, and headed to class.
Gray
Blair was upset, and it took whatever vestiges of my willpower that remained to keep me from stopping class and asking her what was wrong. Was it her family? Law school? Me?
I was the last person who should be fixing anyone’s problems, fuck, I could barely manage mine, but I wanted to make her feel better. Somehow.
I kept looking at her while I taught, waiting for a moment when her gaze would meet mine. She didn’t look at me. Not once.
The hour crept by with agonizing slowness.
At the end of class, I couldn’t resist.
“Ms. Reynolds, could you come see me for a moment? I need to go over some things for the pro bono project with you.”
Total lie. I did have a few things, but I could have easily emailed them. I wanted the chance to talk to her without the weight of seventy-four prying eyes. I wanted to know she was okay.
Blair took her time coming up to the front of the classroom. I occupied myself with the papers in my briefcase, trying to keep from stealing glances to gauge her progress.
And then she was in front of me, and the rest of the class trailed out of the room.
I lowered my voice, keeping the desk between us. “Is everything okay?”
She nodded slowly, the motion at odds with the sadness in her eyes.
I looked around the room, noting a few stragglers—Crossword Boy among them.
“You sure?”
She exhaled and some of the tension seemed to leave her body. “Yeah. Family stuff.”
I could have let her go at that, but the worry gnawing in my stomach held me in place.
“I saw Capital Confessions this morning,” I admitted.
Surprise flashed across her face. “You read Capital Confessions?”
“I do now.”
I didn’t need to say the rest; by the soft curve of her lips, she knew what I meant.