Because I was too clever for them as I am too clever for you.
Albert:
Too clever for them?
The Toff:
I never lost a game of cards in my life.
Bilclass="underline"
You never lost a game?
The Toff:
Not when there was money on it.
Bilclass="underline"
Well, well.
The Toff:
Have a game of poker?
Alclass="underline"
No, thanks.
The Toff:
Then do as you're told.
Bilclass="underline"
All right, Toffy.
Sniggers:
I saw something just then. Hadn't we better draw the curtains?
The Toff:
No.
Sniggers:
What?
The Toff:
Don't draw the curtains.
Sniggers:
O all right.
Bilclass="underline"
But Toffy, they can see us. One doesn't let the enemy do that. I don't see why....
The Toff:
No, of course you don't.
Bilclass="underline"
O all right, Toffy.
[All begin to pull out revolvers.]
The Toff: [putting his own away]
No revolvers, please.
Albert:
Why not?
The Toff:
Because I don't want any noise at my party. We might get guests that hadn't been invited. Knives are a different matter.
[All draw knives. The Toff signs to them not to draw them yet.
Toffy has already taken back his ruby.]
Bilclass="underline"
I think they're coming, Toffy.
The Toff:
Not yet.
Albert:
When will they come?
The Toff:
When I am quite ready to receive them. Not before.
Sniggers:
I should like to get this over.
The Toff:
Should you? Then we'll have them now.
Sniggers:
Now?
The Toff:
Yes. Listen to me. You shall do as you see me do. You will all pretend to go out. I'll show you how. I've got the ruby. When they see me alone they will come for their idol's eye.
Bilclass="underline"
How can they tell like this which one of us has it?
The Toff:
I confess I don't know, but they seem to.
Sniggers:
What will you do when they come in?
The Toff:
I shall do nothing.
Sniggers:
What?
The Toff:
They will creep up behind me. Then my friends, Sniggers and Bill and Albert, who gave them the slip, will do what they can.
Bilclass="underline"
All right, Toffy. Trust us.
The Toff:
If you're a little slow you will see enacted the cheerful spectacle that accompanied the demise of Jim.
Sniggers:
Don't, Toffy. We'll be there all right.
The Toff:
Very well. Now watch me.
[He goes past the windows to the inner door R.; he opens it
inwards. Then under cover of the open door he slips down on his
knee and closes it, remaining on the inside, appearing to have
gone out. He signs to the others who understand. Then he appears
to re-enter in the same manner.]
Now, I shall sit with my back to the door. You go out one by one so far as our friends can make out. Crouch very low to be on the safe side. They mustn't see you through the window.
[Bill makes his sham exit.]
The Toff:
Remember, no revolvers. The police are, I believe, proverbially inquisitive.
[The other two follow Bill. All three are now crouching inside
the door R. The Toff puts the ruby beside him on the table. He
lights a cigarette.]
[The door in back opens so slowly that you can hardly say at what
moment it began. The Toff picks up his paper.]
[A Native of India wriggles along the floor ever so slowly,
seeking cover from chairs. He moves L. where the Toff is. The
three sailors are R. Sniggers and Albert lean forward. Bill's arm
keeps them back. An armchair had better conceal them from the
Indian. The black Priest nears the Toff.]
[Bill watches to see if any more are coming. Then he leaps
forward alone (he has taken his boots off) and knifes the
Priest.]
[The Priest tries to shout but Bill's left hand is over his mouth.]
[The Toff continues to read his sporting paper. He never looks round.]
Bilclass="underline" [sotto voce]
There's only one, Toffy. What shall we do?
The Toff: [without turning his head]
Only one?
Bilclass="underline"
Yes.
The Toff:
Wait a moment. Let me think.
[Still apparently absorbed in his paper.]
Ah, yes. You go back, Bill. We must attract another guest. Now are you ready?
Bilclass="underline"
Yes.
The Toff:
All right. You shall now see my demise at my Yorkshire residence. You must receive guests for me.
[He leaps up in full view of the window, flings up both arms and
falls on to the floor near the dead Priest.]
Now be ready.
[His eyes close.]
[There is a long pause. Again the door opens, very very slowly.
Another Priest creeps in. He has three golden spots upon his
forehead. He looks round, then he creeps up to his companion and
turns him over and looks inside each of his clenched hands. Then
he looks at the recumbent Toff. Then he creeps towards him. Bill
slips after him and knifes him like the other with his left hand
over his mouth.]
Bilclass="underline" [sotto voce]
We've only got two, Toffy.
The Toff:
Still another.
Bilclass="underline"
What'll we do?
The Toff: [sitting up]
Hum.
Bilclass="underline"
This is the best way, much.
The Toff:
Out of the question. Never play the same game twice.
Bilclass="underline"
Why not, Toffy?
The Toff:
Doesn't work if you do.
Bilclass="underline"
Well?
The Toff:
I have it, Albert. You will now walk into the room. I showed you how to do it.
Albert:
Yes.
The Toff:
Just run over here and have a fight at this window with these two men.
Albert:
But they're--
The Toff:
Yes, they're dead, my perspicuous Albert. But Bill and I are going to resuscitate them.--. Come on.
[Bill picks up a body under the arms.]
That's right, Bill. [Does the same.] Come and help us, Sniggers-- [Sniggers comes] Keep low, keep low. Wave their arms about, Sniggers. Don't show yourself. Now, Albert, over you go. Our Albert is slain. Back you get, Bill. Back, Sniggers. Still, Albert. Mustn't move when he comes. Not a muscle.
[A Face appears at the window and stays for some time. Then the
door opens and looking craftily round the third Priest enters. He
looks at his companions' bodies and turns round. He suspects
something. He takes up one of the knives and with a knife in each
hand he puts his back to the wall. He looks to the left and
right.]
The Toff:
Come on, Bill.
[The Priest rushes to the door. The Toff knifes the last Priest
from behind.]
The Toff:
A good day's work, my friends.
Bilclass="underline"
Well done, Toffy. Oh, you are a deep one.
Albert:
A deep one if ever there was one.
Sniggers:
There ain't any more, Bill, are there?