The Toff:
No more in the world, my friend.
Bilclass="underline"
Aye, that's all there are. There were only three in the temple. Three priests and their beastly idol.
Albert:
What is it worth, Toffy? Is it worth a thousand pounds?
The Toff:
It's worth all they've got in the shop. Worth just whatever we like to ask for it.
Albert:
Then we're millionaires, now.
The Toff:
Yes, and what is more important, we no longer have any heirs.
Bilclass="underline"
We'll have to sell it now.
Albert:
That won't be easy. It's a pity it isn't small and we had half a dozen. Hadn't the idol any other on him?
Bilclass="underline"
No, he was green jade all over and only had this one eye. He had it in the middle of his forehead, and was a long sight uglier than anything else in the world.
Sniggers:
I'm sure we ought all to be very grateful to Toffy.
Bilclass="underline"
And indeed we ought.
Albert:
If it hadn't 'ave been for him--
Bilclass="underline"
Yes, if it hadn't 'a' been for old Toffy....
Sniggers:
He's a deep one.
The Toff:
Well, you see, I just have a knack of foreseeing things.
Sniggers:
I should think you did.
Bilclass="underline"
Why, I don't suppose anything happens that our Toff doesn't foresee. Does it, Toffy?
The Toff:
Well, I don't think it does, Bill. I don't think it often does.
Bilclass="underline"
Life is no more than just a game of cards to our old Toff.
The Toff:
Well, we've taken these fellows' trick.
Sniggers: [going to the window]
It wouldn't do for any one to see them.
The Toff:
O nobody will come this way. We're all alone on a moor.
Bilclass="underline"
Where will we put them?
The Toff:
Bury them in the cellar, but there's no hurry.
Bilclass="underline"
And what then, Toffy?
The Toff:
Why, then we'll go to London and upset the ruby business. We'll have really come through this job very nicely.
Bilclass="underline"
I think the first thing we ought to do is give a little supper to old Toffy. We'll bury these fellows to-night.
Albert:
Yes, let's.
Sniggers:
The very thing.
Bilclass="underline"
And we'll all drink his health.
Albert:
Good old Toffy.
Sniggers:
He ought to have been a general or a premier.
[They get bottles from cupboard, etc.]
The Toff:
Well, we've earned our bit of a supper.
[They sit down.]
Bilclass="underline" [Glass in hand.]
Here's to old Toffy who guessed everything.
Albert and Sniggers:
Good old Toffy.
Bilclass="underline"
Toffy who saved our lives and made our fortunes.
Albert and Sniggers:
Hear. Hear.
The Toff:
And here's to Bill who saved me twice to-night.
Bilclass="underline"
Couldn't have done it but for your cleverness, Toffy.
Sniggers:
Hear, hear. Hear, hear.
Albert:
He foresees everything.
Bilclass="underline"
A speech, Toffy. A speech from our general.
Alclass="underline"
Yes, a speech.
Sniggers:
A speech.
The Toff:
Well, get me some water. This whiskey's too much for my head, and I must keep it clear till our friends are safe in the cellar.
Bilclass="underline"
Water. Yes, of course. Get him some water, Sniggers.
Sniggers:
We don't use water here. Where shall I get it?
Bilclass="underline"
Outside in the garden.
[Exit Sniggers.]
Albert:
Here's to fortune. [They all drink.]
Bilclass="underline"
Here's to Albert Thomas, Esquire. [He drinks.]
The Toff:
Albert Thomas, Esquire. [He drinks.]
Albert:
And William Jones Esquire.
The Toff:
Albert Jones, Esquire. [The Toff and Albert drink.]
[Re-enter Sniggers terrified.]
The Toff:
Hullo, here's Jacob Smith Esquire, J.P., alias Sniggers, back again.
Sniggers:
Toffy, I've been thinking about my share in that ruby. I don't want it, Toffy, I don't want it.
The Toff:
Nonsense, Sniggers, nonsense.
Sniggers:
You shall have it, Toffy, you shall have it yourself, only say Sniggers has no share in this 'ere ruby. Say it, Toffy, say it.
Bilclass="underline"
Want to turn informer, Sniggers?
Sniggers:
No, no. Only I don't want the ruby, Toffy....
The Toff:
No more nonsense, Sniggers, ee're all in together in this, if one hangs we all hang; but they won't outwit me. Besides, it's not a hanging affair, they had their knives.
Sniggers:
Toffy, Toffy, I've always treated you fair, Toffy. I was always one to say, Give Toffy a chance. Take back my share, Toffy.
The Toff:
What's the matter? What are you driving at?
Sniggers:
Take it back, Toffy.
The Toff:
Answer me; what are you up to?
Sniggers:
I don't want my share any more.
Bilclass="underline"
Have you seen the police?
[Albert pulls out his knife.]
The Toff:
No, no knives, Albert.
Albert:
What then?
The Toff:
The honest truth in open court, barring the ruby. We were attacked.
Sniggers:
There's no police.
The Toff:
Well, then, what's the matter?
Bilclass="underline"
Out with it.
Sniggers:
I swear to God...
Albert:
Well?
The Toff:
Don't interrupt.
Sniggers:
I swear I saw something what I didn't like.
The Toff:
What you didn't like?
Sniggers: [In tears.]
O Toffy, Toffy, take it back. Take my share. Say you take it.
The Toff:
What has he seen?
[Dead silence only broken by Sniggers' sobs. Then stony steps
are heard.]
[Enter a hideous Idol. It is blind and gropes its way. It gropes
its way to the ruby and picks it up and screws it into a socket
in the forehead.]
[Sniggers still weeps softly; the rest stare in horror. The Idol
steps out, not groping. Its steps move off then stops.]
The Toff:
O great heavens!
Albert: [In a childish, plaintive voice.]
What is it, Toffy?
Bilclass="underline"
Albert, it is that obscene idol [in a whisper] come from India.
Albert:
It is gone.
Bilclass="underline"
It has taken its eye.
Sniggers:
We are saved.
Off, a Voice: [With outlandish accent.]
Meestaire William Jones, Able Seaman.
[The Toff has never spoken, never moved. He only gazes stupidly
in horror.]
Bilclass="underline"
Albert, Albert, what is this?