QUEEN: None are worthy. It is death. None are worthy. None.
ZOON: Though it be death, yet once again upon Aether Mountain in heaven I kiss your hand.
QUEEN: Away! It is death. Upon the word of a Queen.
ZOON: I kiss your h ...
[She standing kills him kneeling. He falls off Aether Mountain, behind it out of sight.
[As he falls he calls her name after intervals. She kneels upon the summit and watches him falling, falling, falling.
[Fainter and fainter as he falls from that tremendous height comes up her name as he calls it.
Zoomzoomarma! Zoomzoomarma! Zoomzoomarma!
[Still she is watching and he is falling still.
[At last when his cry of ZOOMZOOMARMA comes almost unheard to that incredible height and then is heard no more, she turns, and with infinite neatness picking up her skirts steps down daintily over the snow.
[She is going Earthward as the curtain falls.
CURTAIN.
CHEEZO
DRAMATIS PERSONÆ
SLADDER, a successful man.
SPLURGE, his secretary and publicity agent.
THE REV. CHARLES HIPPANTHIGH.
BUTLER.
MRS. SLADDER.
ERMYNTRUDE SLADDER.
SCENE
The big house that SLADDER has bought in the country . SLADDER'S study. Large French window opening on to a lawn.
Time: Now.
SLADDER'S daughter is seated in an armchair tapping on the arm of it a little impatiently.
The door opens very cautiously, and the head of MRS. SLADDER is put round it.
MRS. SLADDER: O, Ermyntrude. Whatever are you doing here?
ERMYNTRUDE: I wanted to speak to father, mother.
MRS. SLADDER: But you mustn't come in here. We mustn't disturb father.
ERMYNTRUDE: I want to speak to father.
MRS. SLADDER: Whatever about, Ermyntrude?
ERMYNTRUDE (taps the arm of the chair): O, nothing, mother. Only about that idea of his.
MRS. SLADDER: What idea, child?
ERMYNTRUDE: O, that idea he had, that-er-I was some day to marry a duke.
MRS. SLADDER: And why shouldn't you marry a duke, child? I am sure father would make it worth his while.
ERMYNTRUDE: O well, I don't think I want to, mother.
MRS. SLADDER: But why not, Ermyntrude?
ERMYNTRUDE: O well, you know Mr. Jones--
MRS. SLADDER: That good man!
ERMYNTRUDE: --did say that dukes were no good, mother. They oppress the poor, I think he said.
MRS. SLADDER: Very true.
ERMYNTRUDE: Well, there you are.
MRS. SLADDER: Yes, yes, of course. At the same time, father had rather set his heart on it. You wouldn't have any other reason now, child, would you?
ERMYNTRUDE: What more do you want, mother? Mr. Jones is a Cabinet Minister; he must know what he's talking about.
MRS. SLADDER: Yes, yes.
ERMYNTRUDE: And I hear he's going to get a peerage.
MRS. SLADDER (with enthusiasm): Well, I'm sure he deserves it. But child, you mustn't talk to father to-day. You mustn't stay here any longer.
ERMYNTRUDE: But why not, mother?
MRS. SLADDER: Well, child, he's been smoking one of those big cigars again, and he's absent-like. And he's been talking a good deal with Mr. Splurge. It's one of his great days, I think, Ermyntrude. I feel sure it is. One of those days that has given us all this money, and all these fine houses, with all those little birds that his gentlemen friends shoot. He has an idea!
ERMYNTRUDE: O, mother, do you really think so?
MRS. SLADDER: I'm sure of it, child. (Looking out.) There! There he is! Walking along that path that they made. I can see he's got an idea. How like Napoleon.[*] He's walking with Mr. Splurge. They're coming in now. Come along, Ermyntrude, we mustn't disturb him to-day. He has some great idea, some great idea.
[Footnote *: (N.B.-SLADDER is not in the very least like Napoleon.)]
ERMYNTRUDE: How splendid, mother! What do you think it is?
MRS. SLADDER: Ah. I could never explain it to you, even if I knew. It is business, child, business. It isn't everybody that can understand business.
ERMYNTRUDE: I hear them coming, mother.
MRS. SLADDER: There must be things we can never understand: things too deep for us like. And business is the most wonderful of them all.
[Exeunt R.
[Enter SLADDER and SPLURGE through the window, which opens on to the lawn, down a step or two.
SLADDER: Now, Splurge, we must do some business.
SPLURGE: Yes, sir.
SLADDER: Sit down, Splurge.
SPLURGE: Thank you, sir.
SLADDER: Splurge, I am going to say to you now, what I couldn't talk about with all those gardeners hanging about. And, by the way, Splurge, haven't we bought rather too many gardeners?
SPLURGE: No, sir. The Earl of Etheldune has seven; we had to go one better than him, sir.
SLADDER: Certainly, Splurge, certainly.
SPLURGE: So I bought ten for you, sir, to be on the safe side.
SLADDER: Ah, quite right, Splurge, quite right. There seemed to be rather a lot, but that's quite right. Well, now to business.
SPLURGE: Yes, sir.
SLADDER: I told you I'd invented a new name for a food.
SPLURGE: Yes, sir. Cheezo.
SLADDER: Well, what have you been able to do about it?
SPLURGE: I've had some nice little posters done, sir. I'm having it well written up. I've got some samples here, and it looks like doing very well indeed.
SLADDER: Ah!
SPLURGE: It's a grand name, if I may say so, sir. It sounds so classical-like with that "O" at the end; and yet anyone can see what it's derived from, even if he's never learnt anything. It suggests cheese to them every time.
SLADDER: Let's see your samples.
SPLURGE: Well, sir, here's one. (Brings paper from pocket. Reads.) "What is Cheezo? Go where you may, speak with whom you will, the same question confronts you. Cheezo is the great new--"
SLADDER: No, Splurge. Cut that question bit. We must have no admission on our part that there's anyone who doesn't know what Cheezo is. Cut it.
SPLURGE: You're quite right, sir; you're quite right. That's a weak bit. I'll cut it. (He scratches it out. Reads.) "Cheezo is the great new food. It builds up body and brain."
SLADDER: That's good.
SPLURGE: "There is a hundred times more lactic fluid in an ounce of Cheezo than in a gallon of milk."
SLADDER: What's lactic fluid, Splurge?