certain narcotics, and some things you can take aboard ship only by surrendering them for safekeeping by the purser, such as guns and other weapons.
Clark picked outgoing inspection for some typical abnormal behavior. They had passed down the line copies of a long list of things we must not have in our baggage-a fascinating list; I hadn't known that there were so many things either illegal, immoral, or deadly. When the Fries contingent wearily reached the inspection counter, the inspector said, all in one word:
"Nything-t'-d'clare?" He was a Marsman and as he looked up he recognized Uncle Tom. "Oh. Howdy, Senator. Honored to have you with us. Well, I guess we needn't waste time on your baggage. These two young people with you?"
"Better search my kit," Uncle Tom advised. "I'm smuggling guns to an out-planet branch of the Legion. As for the kids, they're my niece and nephew. But I don't vouch for them; they're both subversive characters. Especially the girl. She was soap-boxing revolution just now while we waited."
The inspector smiled and said, "I guess we can allow you a few guns, Senator-you know how to use them. Well, how about it, kids? Anything to declare?"
I said, "Nothing to declare," with icy dignity-when suddenly Clark spoke up.
"Sure!" he piped, his voice cracking. "Two kilos of happy dust! And whose business is it? I paid for it. I'm not going to let it be stolen by a bunch of clerks." His voice was surly as only he can manage and the expression on his face simply ached for a slap.
That did it. The inspector had been just about to glance into one of my bags, a purely formal inspection, I think-when my brattish brother deliberately stirred things up. At the very word "happy dust" four other inspectors closed in. Two were Venusmen, to judge by
their accents, and the other two might have been from Earth.
Of course, happy dust doesn't matter to us Marsmen. The Martians use it, have always used it, and it is about as important to them as tobacco is to humans, but apparently without any ill effects. What they get out of it I don't know. Some of the old sand rats among us have picked up the habit from the Martians-but my entire botany class experimented with it under our teacher's supervision and nobody got any thrill out of it and all I got was blocked sinuses that wore off before the day was out. Strictly zero squared.
But with the native Venerians it is another matter- when they can get it. It turns them into murderous maniacs and they'll do anything to get it. The (black market) price on it there is very high indeed . .. and possession of it by a human on Venus is at least an automatic life sentence to Saturn's moons.
They buzzed around Clark like angry' jetta wasps.
But they did not find what they were looking for. Shortly Uncle Tom spoke up and said, "Inspector? May I make a suggestion?"
"Eh? Certainly, Senator."
"My nephew, I am sorry to say, has caused a disturbance. Why don't you put him aside-chain him up, I would-and let all these other good people go through?"
The inspector blinked. "I think that is an excellent idea."
"And I would appreciate it if you would inspect myself and my niece now. Then we won't hold up the others."
"Oh, that's not necessary." The inspector slapped seals on all of Uncle's bags, closed the one of mine he had started to open, and said, "I don't need to paw through the young lady's pretties. But I think we'll
take this smart boy and search him to the skin and X-ray him."
"Do that."
So Uncle and I went on and checked at four or five other desks-fiscal control and migration and reservations and other nonsense-and finally wound up with our baggage at the centrifuge for weighing in. I never did get a chance to shop.
To my chagrin, when I stepped off the merry-goround the record showed that my baggage and myself were nearly three kilos over my allowance, which didn't seem possible. I hadn't eaten more breakfast than usual-less actually-and I hadn't drunk any water because, while I do not become ill in free fall, drinking in free fall is very tricky; you are likely to get water up your nose or something and set off an embarrassing chain reaction.
So I was about to protest bitterly that the weight-
master had spun the centrifuge too fast and produced
a false mass reading. But it occurred to me that I did
not know for surely certain that the scales Mother and
I had used were perfectly accurate. So I kept quiet.
Uncle Tom just reached for his purse and said, "How much?"
The weightmaster said, "Mmm ... let's spin you first, Senator."
Uncle Tom was almost two kilos under his allowance. The weightmaster shrugged and said, "Forget it, Senator. I'm minus on a couple of other things; I think I can swallow it. If not, I'll leave a memo with the purser. But I'm fairly sure I can."
"Thank you. What did you say your name was?"
"Mio. Miles M. Milo-Aasvogel Lodge number seventy-four. Maybe you saw our crack drill team at the Legion convention two years ago- I was left pivot."
"I certainly did, I certainly did!" They exchanged that secret grip that they think other people don't
know and Uncle Tom said, "Well, thanks, Miles. Be seeing you."
"Not at all-Tom. No, don't bother with your baggage." Mr. Mio touched a button and called out, "In the Tricorn! Get somebody out here fast for the Senator's baggage."
It occurred to me, as we stopped at the passenger tube sealed to the transfer station to swap our suction sandals for little magnet pads that clipped to our shoes, that we need not have waited for anything at anytime-if only Uncle Tom had been willing to use the special favors he so plainly could demand.
But, even so, it pays to travel with an important person-even though it's just your Uncle Tom whose stomach you used to jump up and down on when you were small enough for such things. Our tickets simply read FIRST CLASS-Im sure, for I saw all three of them-but where we were placed was in what they call the "Owner's Cabin," which is actually a suite with three bedrooms and a living room. I was dazzled!
But I didn't have time to admire it just then. First they strapped our baggage down, then they strapped us down-to seat couches which were against one wall of the living room. That wall plainly should have been the floor, but it slanted up almost vertically with respect to the tiny, not-quite-nothing weight that we had. The warning sirens were already sounding when someone dragged Clark in and strapped him to one of the couches. He was looking mussed up but cocky.
"Hi, smuggler," Uncle Tom greeted him amiably. "They find it on you?"
"Nothing to find."
"That's what I thought. I trust they gave you a rough time."
"Naah!"
I wasn't sure I believed Clark's answer; I've heard that a skin and person search can be made quite
annoying indeed, without doing anything the least bit illegal, if the proctors are feeling unfriendly. A "rough time" would be good for Clark's soul, I am sure-but he certainly did not act as if the experience had caused him any discomfort. I said, "Clark, that was a very foolish remark you made to the inspector. And it was a lie, as well-a silly, useless lie."
"Sign off," he said curtly. "If I'm smuggling anything, it's up to them to find it; that's what they're paid for. 'Any-thing-t'-d'clare?' "he added in a mimicking voice. "What nonsense! As if anybody would declare something he was trying to smuggle."