We were busy at The Drop that night, and with Scott gone, I didn’t stop moving until it was nearly closing. I was restocking when Tish bellied up to the bar.
“Hand me a beer, Kathleen?” she asked.
I pulled a bottle from the fridge and popped the top before handing it to her.
“You’re not going to have one?”
I shook my head. “Nah. Not tonight. I’m tired enough as it is.” Beer didn’t sound very appealing, and I wasn’t exaggerating about being tired. It was an effort to put one foot in front of the other, and I couldn’t wait to crawl into bed.
“How’s the love triangle going?” she asked with a wink.
I groaned. “You make it sound like it’s funny, when it’s awful. It really is.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, immediately contrite.
“It’s okay,” I sighed. “I just don’t know what to do. Every day it seems I’m being pushed one step closer to choosing between them, and I don’t want to do that.”
“In all seriousness, Kathleen, that would be the kindest thing to do.”
I glanced over at her, frowning. “What do you mean?”
Tish shrugged. “Well, if it was me and I was in love with a guy who loved me and someone else, I’d want him to pick. It’d just be a waste of my time to try and hold on to a relationship that may never happen.”
She had a point, and yet . . . “I don’t want to lose them.”
Tish reached across the bar and took my hand, giving it a squeeze. “This isn’t you, Kathleen. You’re not selfish. I know you’re not. I think you’re just scared. A lot has happened the past few months. But you’re strong. You’re a good person. You’ll do the right thing, and you’ll be glad you did.”
Her words echoed in my head as I sat silent in the chair in Kade’s room. They must’ve given him more pain medication, because he hadn’t stirred when I’d snuck inside.
I watched him—thinking about him, me, and Blane—until I could hardly hold my head up. Tish was right. I had to be strong, had to make the right choice, even if I was so exhausted and confused right now that I had no clue what that choice should be.
It was closer to morning than midnight when I finally trudged up the stairs to my apartment. The late nights at the hospital were taking a toll. However, when I reached the top of the flight, I got an unwelcome surprise.
“What are you doing here, James?” I asked, backing away from where he stood leaning against my door. My hand scrabbled inside my purse for my gun.
James looked at me, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I hear you and Kirk are over,” he said. “Again.”
I swallowed. “What does it matter?”
“You’re too good for him,” James said. “I think that’s why I hated seeing you with him.”
“You need to leave,” I said, wishing my voice weren’t shaking. James scared me, our every encounter marked by pain.
James ignored me, taking a few steps in my direction. I hurriedly backed up while pulling my gun from my purse.
“Don’t come any closer,” I warned him.
He paused at the sight of the gun in my hand.
“Maybe if Kandi’d had a gun that night, she wouldn’t be dead,” he mused. “She means . . . meant . . . something to me.” He gave a sudden, bitter laugh. “And we both hated you. Our common bond.”
“Go home, James,” I said. “It’s late.”
“Kirk deserved to die for what he did to her,” James said. “But you were there, weren’t you. Protecting him.” His eyes fixed on mine and he moved closer. Alarmed, I retreated until my back was to the wall.
“You’re like a guardian angel for him and Dennon,” he continued. “That’s where you were tonight, right? With Dennon?”
He was close enough now that the gun was nearly touching his chest.
“That’s none of your business,” I said, fear crawling up my spine as I fought panic. “I don’t want to hurt you. Just go.”
He reached out and I flinched as his fingers gently grazed the side of my face and cheek.
“I can’t stop thinking about you,” he murmured. “Can’t stop trying to figure you out—figure us out.”
“There is no us, James!” I was frantic to get through to him. I didn’t think I could pull the trigger, no matter how afraid I was.
“Fate brought us together, keeps bringing us together,” he insisted. “If you think I’m wrong, then shoot me.”
My hand tightened on the gun’s grip, the weapon trembling slightly. James looked completely unafraid, his gaze weirdly serene as he stared at me. After a moment, he spoke again.
“You can’t do it,” he said softly. “You can’t kill me, because that’s not who you are. You’re not a killer, like Kirk and Dennon. You’re an angel.”
Before I could say anything to that, he leaned forward and kissed me, a quick hard press of his lips against mine, then he was gone, heading down the stairs. A moment later, I heard a car start and pull out of the lot.
I was shaking like a leaf in the wind and could barely put my gun back into my purse. It took way too long to unlock my door and when I was finally inside, I hurriedly relocked it, then leaned against it and just breathed. As if I didn’t have enough on my mind, James’s unexpected reappearance in my life felt like the last straw for my tenuous composure. A hysterical laugh bubbled up in my throat but I swallowed it down.
Stripping to my underwear, I was too tired to do more than pull on a white tank, leaving my work uniform where it lay on the floor. I fell into bed and slept like the dead.
CHAPTER FOUR
I woke to the sound of someone knocking on my door. Blearily, I rubbed my eyes, glancing at the clock as I stumbled out of bed. I groaned. It was just after seven-thirty. I hadn’t slept for even four hours.
Cranky now, and only half awake, I still remembered my late-night visitor and checked the peephole before opening the door, but it was Blane standing there.
“Um, I . . . I . . . wasn’t expecting . . . you,” I stammered, blinking in the morning sunshine. I belatedly remembered how I must look, with tangled hair and last night’s makeup. Of course, Blane was in his customary suit and tie, sunglasses hiding his eyes.
“Brought you some coffee,” he said after an awkward moment, handing me a cup.
“Um, okay, thanks,” I said, taking it from him. I stepped back and he followed me into my apartment.
The coffee smelled heavenly, though my stomach lurched a little, reminding me that not enough sleep wasn’t good for the digestive system. I took a cautious sip and let out a sigh. I might forgive Blane for waking me up at this ungodly hour since he’d brought really good, really hot coffee.
I turned around to thank him, but the words stuck in my throat. He’d taken off his sunglasses and his gaze was raking me from head to foot with a familiar glint in his eyes. I abruptly realized I wasn’t really dressed for company. The white tank and bikini underwear left little to the imagination, and though Blane had seen it all before, it wasn’t exactly the look I was going for right then.
“Give me a minute,” I said, setting down the coffee. “I’ll be right back.”
I hurried into the bathroom, brushing my teeth and scrubbing my face. A brush through my hair did wonders and I pulled on a pair of knit shorts. I was back out in the living room in mere minutes.
“Sorry about that,” I said. Blane was sitting on the couch, so I picked up my coffee and sat in the chair across from him.
“It’s fine. Sorry to wake you.”
I shrugged. “I worked last night.” And had spent a few hours sitting at Kade’s bedside, but chose not to mention that. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him about James, but my problems weren’t Blane’s anymore, and James had always been my problem. I kept my mouth shut.