The following Monday morning, I got a call from Cheney’s office and was asked to meet with a few staffers for a more personal vetting that afternoon. Joe Allbaugh, the campaign manager, had gone through my responses and now had more questions. There were some questions that had arisen with my responses. I met with them in the Whip’s office. It became very obvious to me, very quickly, that I was not going to be a serious candidate. Among the exchanges, we had the following topics:
Military Service:
Q: Explain, in detail, how you earned your Bronze Star.
A: I’m sorry. That drop was classified Top Secret.
Q: It will be critical to know so that we can properly use this in the campaign!
A: That was classified Top Secret. I am not allowed to speak about it.
Q: Congressman, that happened 19 years ago. We need to know the details.
A: Good for you! Now, all you need to do is trot over to the Pentagon and get the Chief of Staff to sign off on my breaking security, and have him put it in writing, and I will be happy to tell you!
Q: This isn’t very helpful, Congressman.
A: Top Secret! I still hold a reserve commission and a security clearance. What branch did you serve in and what was your clearance? (No answer to that one!)
Charity:
Q: Why do you donate to Planned Parenthood?
A: Because I want to. They do good work.
Q: That isn’t going to be popular, Congressman. You shouldn’t be donating to a charity for abortions.
A: Fine, then don’t donate your money to it. It’s my money; I’ll give it to who I want to. (This also applied to a number of my other donations. I was either giving to the wrong people, or not giving to the right people.)
Church:
Q: Where do you go to church?
A: I don’t.
Q: Never?
A: When I do go to church, I accompany my wife to her church. She’s a member of Our Lady of Grace in Parkton. They’re Catholic.
Q: It’s important to show that you are a Christian and a regular member of a church, Congressman.
A: Then ask my wife to run.
Business:
Q: Congressman Buckman, why did you invest in [insert name here — they named several firms]?
A: So I could make money. Why do you think I invested in them? (At that point these financial wizards would want to know why we structured a deal this way or that, and I told them that when they were multibillionaires, they could feel free to give me advice.)
Q: Why does your blind trust invest primarily in the Buckman Group and related companies?
A: Maybe because I built a great investment company and I taught them how to make a lot of money. You should give it a try someday.
and finally, my favorite, Personal:
Q: Why did you parents disown you?
A: Because they didn’t like me. (I think by this point they were agreeing with my parents!)
Q: Why did you think it was necessary to shoot your brother?
A: Because he broke into my house and was trying to kill me.
Q: You have a black belt in karate. Why didn’t you use karate to disarm him and capture him?
A: Because he had a big knife.
Q: Why didn’t you simply shoot it out of his hand?
A: Were you always this dumb, or did you take a special class?
At that point the interview was over. We never did get to my voting positions or public statements. I am sure that they went back to Dick Cheney with the conclusion that I was both unsuitable and uncooperative. I told Marilyn about it that night, and she was more than a little amused. She told me, “Carling, your biggest problem is that you don’t tolerate fools very well, and to you, most people are fools.”
“So? You married me. Does that make you a fool? Then how come I tolerate you?”
At that she giggled and said, “Would you like me to demonstrate?”
I smiled and nodded. “Maybe you’re not so foolish after all!”
Chapter 126: Selection
Marty Adrianopolis was leaving me.
It wasn’t as tragic as it sounded. He was a great Chief of Staff, and I trusted him implicitly, but he had a fatal flaw. Marty was a firm believer in married bliss. He had proved this twice before. Now he was seeing a good looking blonde about ten years younger who worked in Steny Hoyer’s office (it was our own little version of James Carville and Mary Matalin, only reversed.) Marty needed to make more money than he could make on a government paycheck.
“So, what are you thinking?” I asked him.
“Well, I’ve been talking to the guys over at ARI, and I figure I can slip over there and become an executive director, something at that level. That way I can still work with you on your projects, but I can actually make some money without jumping through so many hoops,” he replied, smiling.
It was certainly something I would have proposed, so I simply nodded. Since I was the major funding source of the American Renaissance Initiative, I had a lot of say in the matter. “I’ve got no problems with that. The only question is going to be timing. I want you to stick with me through the election. After that, during the lame duck session, we find a replacement, and then you head over to K Street. Have you negotiated your new salary yet?” I asked with a smile.
He grinned back. “It won’t be cheap! Jenny has expensive tastes!”
“Maybe we need to head to Vegas first, and get the over-under on how long this one lasts.”
Marty flipped me the finger at that. “Third time’s the charm! Hey, what do we do if you actually get selected as the nominee for Vice President? What happens then?”
“You mean, right after the heavens open and Christ comes down for the Second Coming?”
“Exactly!”
“I am guessing that things get complicated. I can still run for Congress at the same time. If Bush wins, they’ll have a special election, probably in January. We’ll run a candidate in the Maryland Ninth. If we win, you’ll need to stick around to help them settle in. Figure a few months to find a new Chief of Staff. It shouldn’t delay things more than a few months,” I told him.
“Any ideas on who you’d run? You’re going to have a lot of influence on this,” he commented.
“Think Cheryl would go for it? She knows the district and the players.” Cheryl Dedrick headed up my Westminster staff.
“She’d be a good choice, and it wouldn’t hurt with the women’s vote. Wait until you get selected, then talk to her about it.” I nodded agreement with this. A lot of Congressmen got started by working on somebody’s staff.
I left it with Marty starting to consider his replacement at the end of the year. Two weeks after my confrontation with the two doofuses who vetted me, I got a call from Joe Allbaugh. Would I be willing to meet with Governor Bush in a few days? I actually stared at the phone in my hand for a second before responding affirmatively. Even if I wasn’t going to be selected, you don’t piss off a guy who might well become the next President. You take the meeting! I was to meet the Governor in a suite at the Hay-Adams.
Unsurprisingly, when I got to the meeting, Dick Cheney was present as well, and he didn’t look overly happy to be there. As far as he was concerned, he didn’t want anybody getting in his way of selecting the next Cabinet, and certainly not either George Bush or the prospective Cabinet members. He was only here because the campaign was reacting to the pressure from the media. Al Gore, on the other hand, was trumpeting the transparency of his selections. This was total hogwash, as well. Al was selecting a Vice Presidential pick for the same reasons of expediency as anyone else did, and his Cabinet choices would be mostly recycled Clintonistas.