By now our steaks had arrived and we started cutting them up. Happy cows! I savored a bite, and then answered. “I think it’s my chief of staff. I don’t think he has a clue what he’s doing. I need somebody who knows what he’s doing, since I certainly don’t, and he ain’t cutting it. He spends all his time trying to line up campaign contributions and no time trying to help anybody get anything done.”
“So fire him! Get somebody new. Where’d you get him anyway?”
“Gingrich recommended him, but I don’t know if he knew the guy all that well. He had been an assistant chief of staff to somebody who just lost his seat. Either Newt didn’t know the guy, or Newt is trying to sink me. Now, he’s probably perfectly capable of doing that, but I can’t see what motive he would have. He hasn’t known me long enough to hate me yet!”
Marty gave a wry smile and nodded. “Well, at least you’re not a total babe in the woods. I know some guys who wouldn’t consider a knife in the back. Still, you’re right. Newt Gingrich would slit your throat if he thought it was a good idea, but his big plan right now is building the numbers of Republicans up and getting control of the House. If he slits your throat, it won’t be until after he does that. The guy is probably just a good assistant and a lousy boss. We’ve all seen that before.”
“True, so true. I remember one battalion exec who was brilliant, right until the day the battalion commander had to go to Fort Sill for a week and left him in command. The guy was a miserable clusterfuck when left to his own devices.”
“Right,” agreed Marty. “So fire this asshole and get somebody decent.”
“You know anybody any good?” That just earned me a shrug. “I don’t want to go back to Gingrich, and the only others I really know are newbies like me. Hell, you know this town, you’d be better than what I’ll find on my own!”
Marty laughed hard enough to start coughing, which got me to laughing as well. Then he said, “Carl, even if I wanted to work for you, you can’t afford me!”
“Is that the only issue? The money? Do you like being a lobbyist that much?” I asked.
He looked at me seriously. “No, but I like being in this town and I like being near power, and I really like the money. I make more than what your chief of staff makes! I like you, Carl, but I don’t like you that much!”
I nodded in agreement, and we kept talking through dinner. After dinner, we eschewed dessert, but we did order coffee (tea for me) and cognacs. Marty ordered a Remy Martin, but I said, “You know, I’m not big on cognac. Can I just get some whiskey instead?”
The waiter answered, “Yes, sir, of course. Anything in particular?”
“Canadian Mist? Or Canadian Club if you don’t have it.”
“Yes sir, of course,” replied the waiter.
We sipped on our coffee and tea while the waiter went to the bar. A few minutes later he returned with a pair of snifters, setting one down in front of each of us. I just stared at mine in disbelief. “Holy Christ!” I told my friend. “I thought he’d just bring back a shooter! There must be four ounces of whiskey here!”
Marty laughed and swirled his cognac in his snifter. “I wonder if we can set it on fire?”
“Oh, good Christ! Do you remember that night? Remember how I ended up being thrown in the pool over that?” I swallowed some of my whiskey, which I have to admit, was very nice.
Marty held his snifter out to me. “To the Polar Bear Club!”
I tinked my glass against his. “And all the idiot members of it!”
After we were nearing the bottoms of our snifters, I commented, “If it’s just a question of money, I could always raise your pay? What the hell? That’s how the real world works? Supply and demand! High end people cost more!” I think I was starting to slur things, but wasn’t sure.
Marty was coherent enough to be listening. “Forget it! It doesn’t work that way! That’s a government job! You can’t moonlight or get paid under the table. Why do you think these guys all want to work for the lobbying firms? So they can make some money!”
“Marty, let me tell you something. I may not know shit about government, but I know about people and money, and if there’s a way to do something, it can be figured out.”
“Well, when you figure this out, let me know. I’ll be curious!” Now Marty was slurring a bit.
I waved down the waiter and handed him my American Express card, wishing now that I hadn’t ordered the whiskey. I also asked him to order the driver up. He came back, I signed away a ludicrously large piece of my net worth, and we left. Marty was staggering slightly as we went outside. I took a breath of air and got enough oxygen flowing to stay awake, and helped my friend into the limo. By the time I went around to the other side and climbed in, Marty was asleep.
The driver and I stared at each other. “Crap! I was hoping he would help me get inside, not the other way around!” I said.
“Yes, sir,” the driver replied, laughing. “Do you know an address for him?”
I shrugged. “Not a clue. Let’s take him over to my place. He can sleep on the couch. Maybe you can help me with him.”
He nodded. “If not, I have a brother in law with a construction company. We can borrow their crane.”
We went over to 30th and up the driveway. I unlocked the front door and propped it open, then the two of us got Marty upright and headed inside. We dumped him on the couch, and then I stumbled upstairs to bed.
I woke up late the next morning, wondering why I was still wearing a suit. I remembered why when I stood up, and discovered I had a major league headache. I stumbled into the bathroom and stripped off my clothing, and then swallowed a half dozen Advils. I stood under the shower for a long, long time, then crawled out and had a few more Advils. I handle ibuprofen very well, much better than aspirin or Tylenol. Then I remembered my guest downstairs. I grabbed a robe and padded barefoot down to the living room.
Marty was absent, but there was a handwritten note on a scrap of paper in the kitchen. “Took cab… great place… call me” along with one of his business cards. I made myself some cereal and juice, and ate that, and then headed upstairs again. I was very late when I got into my office.
As soon as I hit the Longworth building Mindy and Chuck followed me into my office. I was all cleaned up and dressed, but my eyes were bloodshot and my pallor was a bit grey. Mindy said, “Long night?”
I looked at her and said, “If I wanted a woman to scold me, I’d get married. Oh, yeah! I did! Too bad you’re not my wife.”
Chuck was oblivious, and immediately announced I had missed an appointment with somebody from the Renewable Fuels Association that morning. I looked over at Mindy, who gave me a blank look. I grabbed my planner off the desk and flipped it today’s page. No meetings were scheduled. “Chuck, there’s nothing listed for today.”
He waved his left hand dismissively. “This is something that just came up.”
“No, Chuck, it didn’t. If you had somebody scheduled to meet me this morning, then you scheduled it no later than yesterday, so it could have been put in my calendar. When did you actually schedule this meeting?”
Chuck’s eyes widened and he began to sputter. “No, no… it wasn’t like that… I mean, yes it was the other day, but no…”
“Forget it. What possible reason could I have to meet this guy?”
“Woman. Tracy Shelburne.”
“Nobody cares, Chuck. What possible reason could I have to meet this lady? Renewable Fuels? What the hell is that all about?”
“Ethanol, of course,” he replied.
“Ethanol? From corn?” He nodded. “Chuck, let me tell you, the only ethanol from corn we care about in the Maryland Ninth is bourbon. What in the world did I want to speak to her about anyway?”