There was actually one speech I gave, which I began using with lots of military groups in the future. I was asked to say some words to a group of senior non-coms who had seen their last war. The Army was still downsizing and the Gulf War had been their last hurrah. I was expected to say fine things and thank them for their dedicated service, and I did that of course. Then I added an extra.
“Now I am going to close this by saying that your nation is not done with you. Some of you came into the Army as draftees. Others enlisted. All of you had chances to get out after doing a hitch, and all of you thought that your service to the nation was important. It still is. Now you are retiring, to start second careers, many of them in the private sector. However, your nation still needs you, now more than ever! I want everyone here to think about the sacrifices you have made, and have been asked to make. I want all of you to consider a new sacrifice, the sacrifice of serving in political office. It’s not easy, but it is important. From now on, every time you complain about something dumb in government, I want you to think about what you could do to make it better. I want you to think about becoming part of the solution, and not just complaining about the problem. Republican, Democrat, or Independent — I don’t care! Just get involved! Run for alderman or county commissioner or the school board. Hell, run for dogcatcher! The skills that got you here today, the pride and dedication and courage and smarts, those are the skills your hometowns need! You’ve spent a lifetime serving your country. Now go home and serve there as well!”
At the end, as I was shaking hands, several commented to me that I had given them something to think about, and some of the senior officers told me the same thing. Later, while talking to some of the colonels and generals, I stated that for years, military service had been considered a requirement for holding political office, but that was going out of fashion. Maybe it should come back into fashion, and what better way than this? Maybe one of those non-coms would become a alderman, and then maybe leverage that upwards. It worked for a beat up old battery commander, didn’t it? (Not me — Harry Truman!)
In May, the Queen of England visited and gave a speech to Congress. In preparation, I went home the night before and practiced waving to the peasants with Marilyn playing the role of peasant. She returned the favor, using a special wave involving the middle finger being extended. How very peasant-like!
One of the things that Marty forced us into was the role of host and hostess. It was one thing to buy a home large enough to do this, but another to actually do it. Still, Washington floats on a sea of shrimp cocktails and Swedish meatballs. Some of my colleagues had reputations as being very private homebodies, but more than a few had a very different reputation. There were at least a half-dozen A-list parties every night somewhere in this town, some given by politicians, some given by lobbyists and think tanks (which had the advantage of being tax deductible), and some given by high-end reporters and pundits.
Marty gave me my marching orders. I had to pick a date and we would hold our first dinner, something small, for the Maryland contingent of Congress. That was nine Representatives and two Senators. If everybody came and brought a spouse/significant other/insignificant other/somebody-they’re-just-trying-to-get-in-the-pants-of that would be 22. Not all would attend and somebody would probably add an extra. Add in a few reporters, pundits, and hangers-on. Toss in an invitation to the Governor of Maryland, since Annapolis is only a half hour away. Figure about three dozen people. Marty checked out the name of the ‘party liaison’ and made a few calls.
“Don’t sweat it, you can afford it,” he told me. He had a particularly evil grin as he said this.
I just rolled my eyes at that. “You’re really getting off on ordering me around,” I told him.
“Damn straight! Marilyn told me to keep you on the straight and narrow.”
The dinner was on Friday, May 17. For the average Congressman, meeting your fellow Congressman on a Friday night isn’t so great, since most of them are back in their district on a Friday night. Maryland was a little different, though, since it is right next door to Washington. Other than the Gilchrests from the Eastern Shore, everybody else could almost commute.
Marilyn brought the kids and Dum-Dum down right after school, and Sherry’s niece came over to babysit upstairs with them. That generally went fairly well, but there were a few hitches. Charlie and his sisters were neatly dressed, and all three were at an age where they understood that “Behave or else!” actually involved an ‘or else!’ Our party coordinator brought in a chef and wait staff, and the chef used our fancy showroom kitchen to make some Maryland dishes, including soft shelled crabs and oyster soup. He also made up some Maryland fried chicken, and did some drumsticks for the kids. We allowed them to troop through, grab some plates, and head back upstairs. At that point Dum-Dum snuck past them and zoomed down the stairs. Fortunately I was able to snag her before she disrupted too much. I picked her up and calmed her down in my arms, and several people came over and got enthusiastically licked before I maneuvered her back up the stairs.
That actually elicited a discussion of child rearing techniques. Everybody commented that our children had been extremely well behaved, and I simply mentioned the ‘or else!’ method of child education. Since Marilyn and I were the youngest in the group, everybody else in the room thoroughly understood this time tested technique, and passed along how they had raised their children and how they had been raised. None of us believed all that touchy-feely New Age no spanking bullshit.
In general it went well. We didn’t really discuss anything important. Everybody thought the kids were adorable (which had Marilyn and me scratching our heads) and Dum-Dum was a real scamp. I made sure I told the others, all of whom, other than Wayne Gilchrest, had more experience in Washington, that whatever I could do to help Maryland, to let me know. Governor Schaefer immediately asked me for a campaign donation, saying how that would be good for Maryland. That got a loud round of laughter, since he was a Democrat, so I countered by saying, “Don, I already married a Democrat,” and pointed to Marilyn. “Just how much more can I do for you guys!?” That got even more laughter and the Governor shook my hand, saying that was plenty sufficient. The photographer Marty had ordered up took several group pictures.
I did earn a number of Brownie points when, over dinner and joking about Schaefer’s comment about helping him out, Wayne Gilchrest commented, “Maybe you can donate to some of my volunteer fire departments like you do your own?”
I glanced over at Marilyn and she shrugged at me, so I shrugged back. I looked over at Wayne and said, “Okay.”
Beverly Byron, who represented the Maryland Sixth, the Appalachian counties, joked, “Can the Democrats get in on the action, too?”
I looked across the table and said, “Sure. I hear even Democrats have fires.”
She gave me an odd look. “Are you being serious?”
“Yes. Are you?”
There was a level of consternation around the table. Governor Schaefer, who was sitting a few seats down, asked, “Carl, are you serious about donating money to other districts’ charities, even the Democrats?”
I glanced over at my wife, who smiled and nodded. “Governor, unless you can guarantee me that all the bad things that happen to people in the state of Maryland will only happen to Republicans, then yes, I am serious,” I looked around the room. “Look, I’ve heard the stories, I know what’s been said. I bought the election by throwing my money around to charities. I’ll admit I’ve given a lot of money to fire departments and emergency squads and police departments in my district, but it’s because that’s where I live. If you have some charities in your districts you’d like to see helped, then let me know. Or let Marilyn know. She’s actually the head of the Buckman Foundation. Just be prepared for the consequences.”