As with most agents, being rude about actors was Karl’s favourite joke. He patronized them behind their backs, calling them childish and mad. He was, of course, just jealous. No matter how rich and powerful an agent gets, he still finds it difficult to jump queues in restaurants.
Bruce pursued his hasty improvisation, in the hope that detail would make it more convincing. ‘I just thought they had, you know… maybe they had the right look.’
Karl cast a doubtful glance at Wayne and Scout. ‘Well, I’m just the schmuck who counts the money, but these kids look about as much like psychopaths as my grandmother, God save her soul.’
Bruce was pleased at this response. The less interest Karl showed in Wayne and Scout the better.
‘You want a drink, Mr Brezner?’ Wayne asked.
This gave Bruce further cause for relief. Wayne appeared to be prepared to play along with the fiction.
‘Are you kidding?’ said Karl. ‘A drink? At seven fifteen in the morning? Have you any idea how much my current liver cost me? Body parts do not come cheap, my friend, particularly those of which the donor only had one and was hence reluctant to part with it… Only kidding. Since we’re celebrating, get me a scotch, kid.’
Karl sat down on the couch beside Brooke, taking the opportunity as he sat to cast an appreciative glance down the front of her dress.
His mentioning the time reminded Bruce that Karl had no business being there at all. ‘That’s right Karl, it’s only seven fifteen. What do you want?’
‘Lemme get this drink, then maybe we can talk down in the snooker room.’
‘We’ll talk here. I’m busy.’ Bruce hadn’t meant to snap. The last thing he wanted was to raise any suspicions in Karl that something was wrong. Wayne caught the wrongness of the tone too and shot a warning look at Bruce from where he was standing at the drinks cabinet. Had there been a musical sting at this point, it would have suggested that Bruce had better be damned careful.
‘Well excuuuuse me,’ said Karl. Even tough New York agents with skin thicker than an elephant sandwich can be offended. ‘I forgot for one moment that you just won an Oscar and therefore are professionally obliged to treat with contempt those whom formerly you have loved and respected.’
Bruce knew he must remain very calm. If Karl’s suspicions were even slightly aroused he would never leave the room alive. ‘Karl, I didn’t sleep yet.’ He attempted a weary matteroffact tone. ‘Could we do this another time?’
‘Another time? Maybe you didn’t see the papers today.’
‘Of course I didn’t see the papers – it’s seven fifteen in the morning.’
Karl took his drink from Wayne without even glancing at him, let alone thanking him.
‘Well, I don’t want to be the shitdelivery boy here, Bruce, but yours is not a popular Oscar choice. Frankly, the editorials would be kinder if they’d given it retrospectively to Attack of the LargeBreasted Women.’
Bruce shrugged and he meant it. ‘Who gives a fuck what those parasites think?’
Just a few hours earlier he would have been obsessed with what they thought, but that was a few hours earlier. Things had changed. Changed for ever. Karl, of course, was still living in the old world.
Or at least he thought he was.
‘We give a fuck, Bruce,’ he said. ‘It’s the violence thing. It’s the big deal of the moment and it’s getting a little serious. These fucks are talking up Ordinary Americans like it was some kind of training manual for psychos. Newt Gingrich was on the Today Show this morning-’
‘All politicians are scum,’ Wayne interjected. ‘Ordinary Americans is a fuckin’ masterpiece.’
Again Karl ignored him. ‘He says you’re a pornographer and you shouldn’t get honoured for glamorizing murderers.’
Scout was bored. She didn’t like Karl and she didn’t care what Newt Gingrich thought. She had been having a much more interesting conversation before Karl arrived. She turned back to Brooke.
‘Brooke, will you put my hair up like you said you would?’
Rather nervously Brooke nodded and, taking her handbag, she crossed over to where Scout was sitting and started to do her hair. Karl was not a little surprised to be interrupted in this way by outofwork actors, but he let it go. That he should care if this little runt showed him disrespect. In his life she did not even exist.
‘I think the Republicans want to turn it into a midterm election issue. We need to make a plan.’
Again Scout barged in with her own agenda. ‘You know what I love? I love the way hair mousse comes out of the can. Like, how do they get it all in there?’
‘It expands, honey,’ said Wayne.
‘I know it expands, dummy. Because it’s bigger when it gets out. But I don’t know how it happens. It’s the same with cans of whipped cream. How do they do that? I mean cream is cream – you can’t crush it up.’
Karl looked at her, astonished. He hadn’t been ignored like this in twentyfive years.
‘Excuse me,’ he said, ‘did I become invisible? I’m talking here.’
Scout seemed suitably admonished. ‘Sorry,’ she said.
‘You are very far from welcome,’ Karl replied with ill grace, before turning back to Bruce. ‘They’re thinking about reclassifying for overeighteens. That’s half our box office gone at a stroke, to say nothing of actual bans, particularly in the South. In retrospect, I think the crucifixion scene was a mistake.’
‘Awesome scene, man,’ said Wayne.
Again Karl ignored the interruption. ‘It’s these fucking Mall Murderers, Bruce. Those two little punks are in danger of getting our picture pulled, Oscar or no Oscar. Do you know they just shot up a 711? Christ, what kind of pointless sickos are these people?’
Brooke and Bruce froze. Karl’s conversation had suddenly taken an unimaginably dangerous turn.
‘Well, you know,’ Brooke said casually, while teasing at Scout’s hair, ‘I mean, you have to try to be a little understanding, see things from their point of view.’
Karl was not an understanding type of person. ‘What, you mean the point of view of a socially inadequate jerkoff? Please.’
‘I really don’t think you can dismiss them that easily.’ Brooke was doing her best but it was a hopeless task.
‘Pardon me, miss, for appearing rude, but that I should give a fuck what you think. Wayne Hudson and that weird, scrawny little bitch he drags around with him are screwed up trailerpark whitetrash nobodies who have mashed potato instead of brains. The sooner they get burnt, fried, decapitated, castrated, lobotomized, liquidized and generally fucked over, the better. I would gladly take a mallet to the little fucking scumbags myself.’
Bruce and Brooke braced themselves. Surely now the mayhem would begin. Wayne had moved to behind the couch where Scout was sitting. He had only to reach down into the cushions at her back to produce a machinegun, and this appallingly provocative man would be dead. Scout herself need merely brush aside the cushion on her lap. Surely it was all over for Karl?
‘You talk big, Karl, but you’d never do it.’ Bruce’s laugh was wooden as a daytime soap. ‘You always end up on the side of the underdog.’
‘Underdog? Those scum?’ Karl replied.
Bruce was now convinced that Karl had a death wish.
‘Like I would waste my tears on such syphilitic maggots? I would puke on their graves and those of their mothers, who no doubt were whores.’
Shut up! Every fibre of Bruce’s being willed this loudmouthed oaf to shut up. Brooke, too, was desperately trying to reach somehow into his mind and stop this fool from digging all their graves with his violent language.
How often had Brooke spoken in the past about auras and third eyes? While not actually holding a season ticket on the New Age Traveller bandwagon, she had always claimed to have a palpable connection with the mystic. She believed firmly that thoughttransference was possible. She was getting a painful crash course in Old Age reality.