“Moan like you mean it.” The director shouted the order out to Deep, who started to moan in the same way she always did. There was a look on her face, and Jason knew she hadn’t used any lube, and it was hurting just a little.
He thought about Sydney. She’d been so fucking wet that he’d slid into her with ease.
“Fuck, so good, I want you to come in me. Give me that spunk.”
With each word that was being said, Jason took a step back. He couldn’t do it. There was no way he could continue living a complete and total lie. Some men and women loved being porn stars. They relished fucking a new person every day, but he couldn’t be this person anymore.
He’d gone from being a thousand woman man, to one woman. No one would ever satisfy the craving within him other than Sydney. She was the love of his life.
Jason left the stage as Deep grew louder with her moans. He returned to the dressing room to find Richard playing a game.
“What’s going on?”
“I can’t do it.”
“What?”
“You’re right. I had to make a decision of what I wanted to do, and up ‘til this moment I didn’t realize it.”
Richard pocketed his cell phone, giving him his undivided attention. “What have you realized?”
“I can’t do this anymore. I’ve been coming away from it more and more. The last four weeks with Sydney have been the best of my life. I’m done with this.”
“What will you do?”
“I’ve got options, and I’m going to make sure by the time I go for Sydney, I’m not going to be this person anymore.”
“Are you sure?”
“More than anything.” Jason smiled as he pulled his clothes back on. “You’re the best friend a man could ever ask for, Richard.”
“I can’t leave this life yet. I love it.”
“I’m not asking you to leave it.” Jason moved toward his friend, and pulled him in for a hug. “I’ll support you every step of the way. I’ve got enough money, and I’m comfortable with my investment. I’ve got time to do something else with my life.”
“I love you, man,” Richard said. “Are you going to get Sydney now?”
“No. I’m going to be the perfect man for her. Then I’m going to go and get her.”
****
Sydney stares down at the piece of paper in her hands, and she wished it had said something other than she was all clean. If Jason had lied, and she had some kind of sexual disease, she could have tried to hate him just a little bit.
The last week she’d been an emotional wreck, crying at every moment, hating life in the next. She’d escaped to the toilet at work every chance she got just so she could cry in peace without someone watching her.
Ben had been a welcome distraction. She’d not allowed him to take her out, but he kept trying now that she was no longer with a man. He’d seen her with Jason, and had put her emotions down to finishing with him.
“What’s the matter?” Dawn asked.
Since she kicked her sister out, Dawn just kept coming back to her. Sydney had long lost the heart to be mad at her anymore.
“Nothing.”
Dawn took the piece of paper and read the words on the page. “He was clean?”
“Yeah, he was clean, and so was I.”
“What are you going to do?” Dawn asked.
“Nothing. I’m not going to do anything.” Sydney picked up her purse and began closing her windows. It had become an endless routine of closing up her home before she left. “I’ve got to get to work today. That’s all I’m going to do, and then I’m going to come home, make dinner, go to bed after reading, then start the whole process again.”
“What’s going on with you?” Dawn asked.
“Nothing is going on with me. I’m just tired of constantly being wrong.”
“There’s more men out there, Syd. Jason wasn’t the only man who’d love a chance to be with you.” Dawn placed the letter down on the table. “Who was that guy’s name? You know, the one who works with you?”
“Ben?
“Yeah, he had a thing for you. Why don’t you give him a chance?”
“Jason was in love with me, or is in love with me, whatever the correct way of thinking is. I love him, Dawn. I’m not going to move on, and pretend to love someone else. I can’t do that.”
“This doesn’t prove anything.” Dawn pointed at the sheet of paper. “All this proves is that he was clean.”
“I believe what he said, Dawn. He lied about what he did, but everything else, that wasn’t lies.” She walked to her door, waiting for Dawn to follow behind her.
“Are you coming?”
“Yes.”
She waited for Dawn to leave her home before locking the door. Hugging her sister, she didn’t wait around for pleasantries, and walked the distance to the shop. She needed to clear her mind, and the only way to do that was with walking.
He’s a porn star.
He lied about who he was.
Did he really lie?
Everything he said apart from being a PA could have been the truth.
Her thoughts and questions went on and on. Her feelings, they were all real to her. She had fallen in love with Jason, and knew given the chance, she’d fall in love with him again and again.
Ben was arriving at the shop as she was.
“Hello,” he said.
“Hi, Ben.”
“How are you feeling today?”
“I’m good. You?”
Tricia was already in the back, taking a delivery from the local farmer.
“I’m great. I was wondering if you’d like to go out to dinner with me tonight.”
She was going to give him the same kind of brush off she’d been given him the past couple of weeks. Instead, she turned to look at him. “Ben, you’re a great guy, and any other time I might have jumped at the chance to have dinner with you.”
“Another time, maybe?”
Sydney hated being mean, but she refused to let him think he had a shot with her. There wasn’t a chance with her. She didn’t intend to stick around to be with him for long.
“No, not another time. It’s time you started trying to find someone else. I’m in love with another man.”
“I thought you’d broken up with him.”
“We’re taking a break. I love Jason, and we’re getting through some problems. I can’t walk away from him.” The words were not complete lies. They hadn’t broken up, not really. She’d kicked him out of her home, and they’d not spoken in the last week.
He’s a porn star.
Who fucking cares?
Staring at the dimming hope in Ben’s eyes, she smiled at him.
“Don’t wait for me, Ben. I’m already taken.”
And that was the truth. She had slowly come to terms with the fact that Jason was a porn star. Could she accept him as a porn star, or give him up?
The past week had been a nightmare without him. She missed him all the time. Not a moment went by when she didn’t think about it. It was the strangest thing in the world. When she baked a new cake, she wanted to send him a picture to show what she’d done that day. So his pictures would contain his dick inside another woman.
She closed her eyes.
Couples in porn movies had successful relationships, or at least she’d read that some stars were married. If they could have a go at it, why couldn’t she accept Jason for what had earned him a living? They were all good at something. She was good at baking, Dawn was hot at taxes, and Jason was good at turning people on for a living.
She had to make it work, as otherwise she was going to be more miserable without him.
Getting into work, she resolved herself to finally go and talk to him. She had to. This misery had to come to an end.