I left her wandering between the racks and set out to gather the cash we needed before we could go anywhere. I went to the nearest bank because, as some bank-robber once remarked, that’s where the money was. The tellers had not yet opened their windows but the bank was already filled with damp customers, queuing up or completing slips at tall desks round the edge of the room.
I joined the crowd, watching for suitable marks. These bucolics still preferred cash to cards and were preparing to pay it in or draw it out. Presently a large red-faced man laid down his checkbook and a pile of checks on one of the desks and began to complete a paying-in slip.
I went to stand beside him and started to make out a similar slip. By opening my windbreaker at a critical moment I sent a puff of air along the desk which blew his checks among the feet of customers crowding into the bank. He didn’t recognize the source of the sudden draft but dived into the crowd to recover the checks from among their muddy boots. By the time he returned, cursing and counting, I had acquired his slip and one of his blank checks. When he couldn’t find his slip he cursed again and began to make out another while I moved to a desk on the far side of the room.
The Secret Service had been founded to catch counterfeiters and forgers. My basic training had taught me the methods of both and turned me into a fair penman. By the time the tellers opened their windows and my mark was making his deposit I had produced a reasonable facsimile of his signature on a check withdrawing a tenth of what he had just deposited. Two thousand dollars—a sum large enough for our immediate needs but too small to arouse teller interest.
I gave the computer time to enter the appropriate credits, then joined the queue at another window. It inched forward while I listened to those around me complaining of the weather, the price of hogs, and the Government, in that order. When I presented the check the computer approved it and the teller hardly looked up as she gave me the cash. I left the bank slowly,, counting my money in the manner of a careful countryman.
Outside in the mall I bought myself a long plastic raincoat, a wide-brimmed rain hat, and a woman’s purse. I slipped twenty fifties into the purse and went to see how Judith was doing.
I found her inspecting herself in a knit dress of drab design, her face showing her dislike of the effect. Only a few hours out of the Pen, in imminent danger of recapture and mind-wipe, she was still a woman buying a new dress. “Perfect!” I muttered, laying the purse down beside her. “There’s a grand in that. Get yourself a raincoat with hood. Then wait for me in the coffee shop by the Eastern entrance.”
She nodded without looking at me and I went out into the rain to walk among the rows of cars in the agitated manner of a driver who cannot remember where he is parked. As the sumptuary laws had restricted the scope of auto stylists they had switched their talents to the design of advertisements and left the designing of autos to the engineers who built them. The result had been a notable improvement in taste and a trend toward standardization. With color choice limited, most cars looked remarkably alike. I went searching for any auto in which some hurried shopper had left the keys, but these rustics were a careful bunch and I had covered a large part of the lot without success when S saw a GM “Auditor” swing in to park.
Its owner got out, locked up, put the keys in the right-hand pocket of his raincoat, and ran toward the mall entrance. 1 walked after him into the automat where he flung his coat across a chair and went to purchase breakfast from the dispensers.
I collected an empty coffee mug, put my own raincoat across the same chair, and sat down at the same table. I then began to search my pockets, transferred the search to my raincoat, and then to his. The keys of the Auditor were on the same ring as his other keys so I was able to detach them and have the rest stowed back in his coat while he was still waiting for his fried eggs to emerge from the slot at the dispenser. By the time he got back to-the table I was leaving the automat and heading for the coffee shop where Judith should be waiting.
She was both waiting and eating. The sight of her consuming doughnuts made me realize how hungry I was but we had already had more than our share of good luck, Judith’s Light had beamed upon us, and I dared not demand more. She joined me in the Mall, still munching a doughnut, at the moment when we heard the wail of a distant police siren and froze in mid-chew.
“Relax! We’re not the only crooks they’re after!” That did not convince me but it started her chewing again. “I’ve got an auto. A dark-blue Auditor. Wait for me in the passenger pick-up shelter outside the Eastern entrance. I’ll be round to collect yon in ten minutes. Make sure it’s me. There are hundreds of dark-blue Auditors in that lot.”
“What can I do to help?”
“Pray to Saint Ditmas.”
“Saint who?”
“Ditmas. The patron saint of thieves. If I don’t arrive within fifteen minutes turn on your charm and pick up a lonely farmer. Guys are usually helpful to a girl who’s been stood up. Especially a pretty girl like you!” On the impulse I kissed her, then faded into the crowds thronging the mall.
I walked out of the Western entrance into the rain to find three State Troopers charging toward me. I continued walking toward them, and was knocked aside. “Outta the way, buster!” The shoppers clustering in the entrance, wiser in the new ways of the police than I was, parted to let them through. I continued toward the Auditor, forcing myself to act with a calmness that was almost a parody.
Judith was waiting and whispered, “Saint Ditmas did his stuff!” as she slipped into the seat beside me.
“Go on bribing him!” I muttered as I headed the Auditor toward the exit. “Here comes the cavalry.” Two State Trooper helicopters were angling in to land. A squad was jumping from them as I turned onto the highway.
After a few kilometers Judith reached in her purse and gave me a chocolate bar. “That was the only eatable in the machine. But your kiss deserved some reward.”
“Better than rubies!” I tore off the wrapping. “Best meal of my life.”
“Where are we going?”
“Hucksters Haven. North of Boston.”
She did not ask me why but sat watching the road astern and the sky above. The girl had the instincts of a good tail-gunner. I sweated out an hour of uneventful driving and only began to relax when we reached the first packaged liquor store, an indicator of the commercial jungle ahead. Next a block of low buildings that screamed “Warehouse Sale Fabulous Furniture” and then we were among every form of scabrous growth an uncontrolled highway can develop.
There were dozens of second-hand auto dealers scattered among the other hucksters. I picked one which displayed a selection of Cadillacs as well as hordes of Auditors and Accountants, parked behind a Howardsons, and opened the trunk.
Judith followed me round to the back of the car. “What are you planning to liberate now?”
“A socket wrench. And here’s the right size.” I patted the rear fender. “Thank your owner for looking after your tool kit.” I crouched to loosen the bolts holding the rear plate. When I had them finger-tight I stood up and faced her. “You stroll over among those Cadillacs, radiating wealth. Charm that salesman who looks as though he hasn’t sold a car or had a girl in months. Turn him on! Make him think he’s a bigger attraction than the Caddies. Fascinate him, so he’ll ignore a slob in a long raincoat who’s kicking tires on used Auditors.”
“Keep his attention on me while you steal a plate?”
“Exactly! You’ll make the big time yet! And carry on conning him after I’ve walked off in disgust. Keep the charm going. Promise to return after you’ve asked Daddy to buy you a Caddy. Then, go to that Austrian abortion-—”