Выбрать главу

"Oh well. I guess she's not hungry," Julia said, with a shrug. "Did she just have a bottle, Jack?"

"No," I said. "She doesn't get one until after dinner."

"Well, I know that. I meant, before."

"No," I said. "Not before." I gestured toward Amanda. "Shall I try?"

"Sure." Julia handed me the spoon, and I sat beside Amanda and began to play airplane. "Rrrrr-owwww…" Amanda immediately grinned and opened her mouth.

"Jack's been wonderful with the kids, just wonderful," Julia said to Ellen.

"I think it's good for a man to experience home life," Ellen said.

"Oh, it is. It is. He's helped me a lot." She patted my knee. "You really have, Jack." It was clear to me that Julia was too bright, too cheerful. She was keyed up, talking fast, and obviously trying to impress Ellen that she was in charge of her family. I could see that Ellen wasn't buying it. But Julia was so speedy, she didn't notice. I began to wonder if she were on drugs. Was that the reason for her strange behavior? Was she on amphetamines? "And work," Julia continued, "is so incredible these days. Xymos is really making breakthroughs-the kind of breakthroughs people have been waiting for more than ten years to happen. But at last, it's happening."

"Like the black cloak?" I said, fishing.

Julia blinked. "The what?" She shook her head. "What're you talking about, hon?"

"A black cloak. Didn't you say something about a black cloak the other day?"

"No…" She shook her head. "I don't know what you mean." She turned back to Ellen. "Anyway, all this molecular technology has been much slower to come to market than we expected. But at last, it really is here."

"You seem very excited," Ellen said.

"I have to tell you, it's thrilling, Ellen." She lowered her voice. "And on top of it, we'll probably make a bundle."

"That'd be good," Ellen said. "But I guess you've had to put in long hours…"

"Not that long," Julia said. "All things considered, it hasn't been bad. Just the last week or so." I saw Nicole's eyes widen. Eric was staring at his mother as he ate. But the kids didn't say anything. Neither did I.

"It's just a transition period," Julia continued. "All companies have these transitional periods."

"Of course," Ellen said.

The sun was going down. The air was cooler. The kids left the table. I got up and started to clear. Ellen was helping me. Julia kept talking, then said, "I'd love to stay, but I have something going on, and I have to get back to the office for a while." If Ellen was surprised to hear this, she didn't show it. All she said was, "Long hours."

"Just during this transition." She turned to me. "Thanks for holding the fort, honey." At the door, she turned, blew me an air kiss. "Love, Jack."

And she left.

Ellen frowned, watching her go. "Just a little abrupt, wouldn't you say?"

I shrugged.

"Will she say good-bye to the kids?"

"Probably not."

"She'll just run right out the door?"

"Right."

Ellen shook her head. "Jack," she said, "I don't know if she's having an affair or not, but-what's she taking?"

"Nothing, as far as I know."

"She's on something. I'm certain of it. Would you say she's lost weight?"

"Yes. Some."

"And sleeping very little. And obviously speedy…" Ellen shook her head. "A lot of these hard-charging executives are on drugs."

"I don't know," I said.

She just looked at me.

I went back into my office to call Ricky, and from the office window I saw Julia backing her car down the driveway. I went to wave to her, but she was looking over her shoulder as she backed away. In the evening light I saw golden reflections on the windshield, streaking from the trees above. She had almost reached the street when I thought I saw someone sitting in the passenger seat beside her. It looked like a man.

I couldn't see his features clearly through the windshield, with the car moving down the drive. When Julia backed onto the street, her body blocked my view of the passenger. But it seemed as if Julia was talking to him, animatedly. Then she put the car in gear and leaned back in her seat, and for a moment I had a brief, clear look. The man was backlit, his face in shadow, and he must have been looking directly at her because I still couldn't make out any features, but from the way he was slouching I had the impression of someone young, maybe in his twenties, though I honestly couldn't be sure. It was just a glimpse. Then the BMW accelerated, and she drove off down the street.

I thought: the hell with this. I ran outside, and down the driveway. I reached the street just as Julia came to the stop sign to the end of the block, her brake lights flaring. She was probably fifty yards away, the street illuminated in low, slanting yellow light. It looked as if she was alone in the car, but I really couldn't see well. I felt a moment of relief, and of foolishness. There I was, standing in the street, for no good reason. My mind was playing tricks on me. There was nobody in the car.

Then, as Julia made the right turn, the guy popped up again, like he had been bent over, getting something from the glove compartment. And then the car was gone. And in an instant all my distress came flooding back, like a hot pain that spread across my chest and body. I felt short of breath, and a little dizzy.

There was somebody in the car.

I trudged back up the driveway, feeling churning emotions, not sure what to do next. "You're not sure what to do next?" Ellen said. We were doing the pots and pans at the sink, the things that didn't go in the dishwasher. Ellen was drying, while I scrubbed. "You pick up the phone and call her."

"She's in the car."

"She has a car phone. Call her."

"Uh-huh," I said. "So how do I put it? Hey Julia, who's the guy in the car with you?" I shook my head. "That's going to be a tough conversation."

"Maybe so."

"That'll be a divorce, for sure."

She just stared at me. "You don't want a divorce, do you."

"Hell, no. I want to keep my family together."

"That may not be possible, Jack. It may not be your decision to make."

"None of this makes any sense," I said. "I mean the guy in the car, he was like a kid, somebody young."

"So?"

"That's not Julia's style."

"Oh?" Ellen's eyebrows went up. "He was probably in his twenties or early thirties. And anyway, are you so sure about Julia's style?"

"Well, I've lived with her for thirteen years."

She set down one of the pots with a bang. "Jack. I understand that all this must be hard to accept."

"It is, it is." In my mind, I kept replaying the car backing down the driveway, over and over. I was thinking that there was something strange about the other person in the car, something odd in his appearance. In my mind, I kept trying to see his face but I never could. The features were blurred by the windshield, by the light shifting as she backed down the drive… I couldn't see the eyes, or the cheekbones, or the mouth. In my memory, the whole face was dark and indistinct. I tried to explain that to her.

"It's not surprising."

"No?"

"No. It's called denial. Look Jack, the fact is, you have the evidence right in front of your eyes. You've seen it, Jack. Don't you think it's time you believed it?"

I knew she was right. "Yes," I said. "It's time."

The phone was ringing. My hands were up to the elbows in soap suds. I asked Ellen to get it, but one of the kids had already picked it up. I finished scrubbing the barbecue grill, handed it to Ellen to dry.

"Jack," Ellen said, "you have to start seeing things as they really are, and not as you want them to be."

"You're right," I said. "I'll call her."

At that moment Nicole came into the kitchen, looking pale.

"Dad? It's the police. They want to talk to you."

DAY 5

9:10 P.M.

Julia's convertible had gone off the road about five miles from the house. It had plunged fifty feet down a steep ravine, cutting a track through the sage and juniper bushes. Then it must have rolled, because now it lay at an angle, wheels facing upward. I could see only the underside of the car. The sun was almost down, and the ravine was dark. The three rescue ambulances on the road had their red lights flashing, and the rescue crews were already rappelling down on ropes. As I watched, portable floodlights were set up, bathing the wreck in a harsh blue glow. I heard the crackle of radios all around.