Briana refused to let the comment sting. “Or maybe one of us needs to believe.”
He clenched his jaw. “Believe in what?”
“That some things can be changed if you’re willing to fight for them. The same thing Arthur believed in. The same belief that made you want to become one of his knights.”
Lucan snorted. “Like the Korrigan said, look how that turned out.”
Something inside her broke a little. He’d warned her in the alley that he’d never been the man she thought he was, and for the first time she had to face that maybe she had been wrong about him.
“The hunt for Excalibur can turn even the most trusted friend into an enemy. Your wolf or huntress friends would betray you for even a taste of the power or strength they could possess if they got their hands on Arthur’s sword. Do you realize that?”
“Not everyone would sacrifice their friends and loved ones—”
He laughed bitterly. “Of course they would. Under the right circumstances everyone is capable of betrayal.”
“Including you? You’d betray friends and people you cared about?”
He took a step toward her, close enough she could read the sincerity in his eyes. “In a heartbeat. To be free of Rhiannon, I, especially, would be capable of anything.”
“You wouldn’t hurt me.”
Lifting a hand to touch her, he seemed to think better of it, making his words even more unexpected. “You would be the easiest of them all to hurt.”
“You’re not making any sense.” She took an involuntary step back, chilled by the hardness in his eyes. “Why are you so determined to leave when staying could mean the difference between an eternity of servitude or getting your life back?”
“Do you honestly think winning will accomplish anything aside from trading one god for another? I don’t need another god manipulating me or taking the things I care about and hurting them, torturing them just to inflict more pain. Because that’s what they do. They wait and see what matters most in this world and when you lower your guard, even just a fraction, they swoop in and destroy it.”
Her eyes widened. “Is that what Rhiannon did to you? Is that why you—”
He grabbed her arms, hauling her close, his grip unbreakable. She would have thought the wraith was in control if not for the furious green eyes boring into hers. “Rhiannon had nothing to do with what I said in the alley. She’s not the reason I don’t want to be with you.”
The cat in her roared at the denial, dragging its claws along the edges of her mind and heart, shredding the last of the hope she’d secreted away. For just a moment she’d imagined winning the sword and using it to bargain with Rhiannon for Lucan’s freedom, and for what? Over and over again he’d made his feelings perfectly clear. He didn’t want to be with her. Didn’t want a future with her.
“I get it.” Three little words, and they ravaged her throat, tearing her down as much as they hardened something inside her.
“Then tell me you’re not staying.” His grip tightened. “I can’t be saved.”
The emotions heaped on top of each other crumbled, leaving in their place an arctic resolve to survive the Gauntlet—to survive Lucan. “If I’m staying to save anyone, it’s myself.”
Confusion ran riot across the handsome face a part of her still ached to touch. The cat’s needs warred with the woman’s better judgment, urging her to slide her palm across Lucan’s cheek. In another time and place, she could picture his forest-green eyes, so full of secrets and shadows, sliding closed as he lifted his hand to cover her own.
Only it would never happen.
Staying was her only option now. She couldn’t go home and face her brothers knowing she’d passed up the opportunity to fight for Excalibur. What would she tell them? That she was too scared? In over her head?
None of that mattered now.
She couldn’t let them down, not after everything they’d done for her over the years. Doing everything possible to win the Gauntlet and stop Morgana from driving Avalon into the ground was all that counted. No matter how worried or angry Briana’s brothers would be at her for staying, they’d understand her choice.
Winning Excalibur was also the only shot she had of freeing herself from a bond that had the potential to destroy her. Forged by the Lady of the Lake, the sword possessed unimaginable magic, powerful enough even the gods knew it could sway the outcome of the next Campaign.
And in the right hands, the sword’s magic might just be capable of making her forget that Lucan was her mate or force the cat to reject him. It wasn’t too late to move on with her life if her feline half turned away from Lucan, saving her from the self-destructive path of the Forgotten.
His hands fell back to his sides. “Briana?”
“You’re right. You’re not the man I remember. The man I foolishly convinced myself you were. We should be competitors. It’ll be better that way.”
“Don’t do this. I can’t… Your family can’t lose you.”
Where her heart might have quickened at what Lucan might have almost said, she felt only a steely determination. “And they can’t help me either.” She turned away from him.
“You don’t know what you risk by staying.”
“And you don’t know what I risk by leaving.” Clinging to the belief that she’d made the right decision—the only decision—she walked away from him.
Only when she was inside and alone in the kitchen, the others’ voices coming from another room, did she grip the edge of the counter until her claws scratched the granite.
“You’d think he’d have more reason than anyone to compete.”
Still riled up, the cat growled at Vaughn’s presence, urging her to take action. She just didn’t know which instinct was driving her the hardest—the yearning to mark Lucan as hers, or the determination to protect herself from the one person capable of hurting her the most.
She was crazy to stay, she knew that. Even though Lucan had praised her sword and tracking skills—something that meant entirely too much to her under the circumstances—she knew she didn’t have the same deadly training as he or Nessa possessed, or the magic that Elena and the Fae could wield.
But leaving would mean accepting that she’d been denied her mate. She’d meant what she said to Lucan. Her family wouldn’t be able to help her. She’d eventually become hostile and aggressive until the cat took over entirely. Not even her brothers could prevent her from becoming one of the Forgotten.
“What’s the story with you two anyway?” Vaughn slid onto a stool, and she noticed he’d exchanged the towel Elena had provided for a black T-shirt and jeans.
“It’s…” She hitched a shoulder, knowing she was better off saying nothing. While she didn’t have Lucan’s innate mistrust of everyone, she also knew anyone who stayed would be playing to win.
“Complicated as fuck?”
Despite herself, she grinned and turned toward him. His arms were open before she made the conscious decision to move into them. Strong and warm, the embrace felt safe, predictable. Like family.
She pulled back and gave him a once over. “So what kind of trouble were you in before this?” She motioned to their surroundings.
“Nothing I can’t handle.” He grinned, but something dark flashed in his eyes. He gave her a hard squeeze, and crossed to the fridge to poked around inside.
“Anyone going to miss you if you stay and compete?”
He shot her a knowing look. “If you’re asking if I’ve hitched my rope to the mating post, then no.”
She smiled softly, the first genuine smile in what felt like forever. “Maybe I was asking about your sister.” Briana had missed both of them more than she realized. Their families had been nearly inseparable once upon a time.
Vaughn shuddered. “I pity the wolf that sets out to claim her. No one can flip a bitch switch faster than she can.”