"Never mind." His voice was trembling. He was still having difficulty getting his emotions under control. He had never felt stark terror until he realized Taylor was inside with the bastard. He never wanted to feel like that again. He was still sick to his stomach and his nerves were strung tight enough to pop.
"Lucas, quit glaring at me."
"I'm never going through that again. Do you hear me, Taylor. I'm never going to be scared like that again."
"Why do you think you were scared?" She held her breath while she waited for his answer.
"That's an ignorant question."
Lord, he could be impossible. They walked along for several more minutes before she spoke again.
"When I left for my walk, I had made a decision. I decided I didn't want to be married to a man who didn't love me."
"You aren't." He sounded furious with her.
"I know." She sounded thrilled.
"Have you stopped loving me?"
It wasn't what he asked but how his voice shook when he asked that stunned her. His anguish was almost unbearable to witness. He looked as though she was about to destroy him with her answer. He believed he had it all figured out as well, for he was beginning to nod.
"I will never stop loving you," she whispered. She grabbed hold of his hand and held tight. "How can you ask me such a question? Do you think that if you say or do something wrong, I'll stop? Honest to God, Lucas, you're going to drive me out of my mind. My love isn't conditional or temporary. It's forever."
"Then stop asking questions about my past," he ordered. "Leave it alone, Taylor. I'm damned sick of worrying you'll…"
He didn't go on. He pulled away from her and quickened his pace.
"Realize what?" she asked.
He shook his head. She wouldn't give up. "Answer me," she demanded in a near shout.
He turned around and looked at her. "I'm a bastard, remember?"
"I am aware of the circumstances surrounding your birth," she replied. "Madam told me, you told me, and I believe William Merritt told me. It didn't matter then and it doesn't matter now."
"Why the hell doesn't it matter to you? When are you going to realize I'm not…" He stopped suddenly, shook his head again, and then muttered, "I know I don't deserve you. I won't give you up though, no matter how unworthy I am. If you knew all the things I've done, you wouldn't be able to look at me. I started living the day I met you. Let my past alone. And this is the last time I'm ever going to talk about this. Do you understand?"
He didn't wait to hear her agreement. He turned around again and started walking.
The truth was finally out. Lucas was afraid. Dear Lord, why had it taken her so long to understand? He was ashamed of his past and believed that if she knew about his childhood and his war years, she would stop loving him. At the root of his fear was the stigma of being born out of wedlock. She hadn't realized until this very minute how much it had affected him or what his life as a young boy must have been like.
He never called William Merritt by name. He called him a son of a bitch. She had also heard him call William a bastard. He wasn't illegitimate. Neither was her uncle Malcolm, but Lucas called him a bastard, too. She finally understood why. In Lucas's mind, being called a bastard was the most horrible, contemptible, and dishonorable curse one man could put on another.
Seeing such vulnerability made her love him all the more. Her heart was suddenly pounding a furious beat, and all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and cry with joy because he loved her.
She was going to have to get his attention first, and then convince him he was more than worthy. He was the man of her dreams.
She called out to him. He ignored her. She shouted his name the second time. He acted as though he hadn't heard her.
She let out a sigh and reached for her gun. She aimed and shot a pebble off the ground a yard or two in front of him.
He whirled around to face her. "What in thunder do you think you're doing?"
"Getting your attention."
He shook his head. He didn't want to stay and talk until he'd gotten his emotions under control. She had seen enough of his weakness and his vulnerability.
"Put that gun away. I've got things to do. I'm leaving, damn it."
She smiled at him. "Go ahead," she shouted back. "But I'm warning you. I'll only track you down and bring you back home where you belong. I love you, Lucas. You are everything I could ever want."
He turned away from her. She shot a piece of bark off a tree twenty feet away from him.
Then she tucked her gun back into her apron, picked up her skirts, and went running to him. She was sobbing by the time she threw herself into his arms.
He shook with emotion. He couldn't stop telling her how much he loved her. He kissed every inch of her sunburned face and whispered all the words he'd held inside for so long. He wanted to prove to her first that he was worthy. He would give her the kind of life he was certain she wanted and deserved, and once they were living in their fancy house and she was draped in velvet and diamonds, he would tell her he loved her.
She thought that was the most beautiful, loving, and foolish fantasy she'd ever heard. She was already living in a paradise and she never wanted to leave.
Their kisses and their pledges made them hungry for more. She tried to pull him toward the yard that led to their house, but he shook his head and took her to a secluded spot nestled between the pines. They made love then with an intensity and passion that overwhelmed them.
They lazily washed in the stream and made love again. They kissed and stroked each other while they put on their clothes, and the ordinary task took them a long, long while.
Taylor didn't want to go home just yet, but she knew Victoria would be worried. Lucas told her Hunter knew they were going to be late.
Her husband stretched out on his back on a carpet of grass and let out a loud sigh of contentment.
"How did he know we would be late?"
"I told him."
"But you were in such a hurry to get home," she reminded him.
He grinned. "Only when you started pressing me," he told her.
Taylor sat down next to him and stared up at the stars. "I am surrounded by luxury," she whispered. "The stars are my diamonds, and I'm sitting on a carpet of emeralds."
"You're really determined to stay?"
"Oh, yes."
"It will be hard on you. There will be times you'll want to give up."
"I'm sure there will be."
"What will you do?"
"Scream."
He laughed. "Like today."
"Yes."
"You aren't fragile."
She was so pleased with his realization, she leaned over and kissed him.
"When did you figure that out?"
"The rabbit."
She didn't understand. She had to wait until he stopped laughing to hear his explanation.
"It was your concern about your garden, I suppose," he said. And the way she had pulled out her gun to protect what belonged to her.
"What's mine stays mine."
She was throwing his words back at him. He nodded. "That's right."
He cupped the back of her neck and drew her down for another long kiss. When she finally pulled away, he let out another satisfied sigh.
She stretched out next to him. They stared up at the night. She thought about their future. He thought about his past.
Neither spoke for several minutes. Taylor thought the night was filled with magic. She inhaled the sweet mountain air and closed her eyes. She had never known such contentment or peace.
"I used to fall asleep every night staring up at the stars. I would pretend I was the only one who could see them. They belonged to me and only me. I didn't have anything to call my own back then, not even a legitimate name."
He continued to talk for almost an hour about his growing-up years. She didn't interrupt or ask any questions. She simply listened. She smiled when he told her about some of the pranks he and Hunter had pulled, and became teary eyed when he told her about some of the more painful experiences he'd endured.