She was now reevaluating her decision. Every city in America had access to the telegraphs… and trains. They could easily be found in a city such as St. Louis or even Kansas City. Neither place was far enough away or difficult enough to get to should her uncle decide to send someone after her.
She let out a little sigh. Her voice was a bare whisper when she spoke. "Have you ever had a fear so unreasonable, it consumed you?"
She didn't wait for him to answer her. "I remember once, when I was a little girl, being unreasonably afraid of a falcon my father brought home. It wasn't enough that the predator was in a cage. I couldn't even stay inside the barn. Then the yard wasn't acceptable either. I ended up hiding in my room."
Lucas was curious by what he considered a damned odd reaction. "Why do you think you were so afraid?"
"My uncle Malcolm told me the falcon liked blue eyes. I still get the shivers when I think about what he told me. Have you ever noticed how sharp a falcon's claws are?"
"Your uncle had a cruel sense of humor."
"I was afraid of my uncle as well as the falcon," she confessed in another whisper.
"Was it unreasonable, too?"
"No. I was right to fear him. It's easy to find someone in a city, isn't it? Now that the telegraph has become so fashionable, and trains run almost everywhere, it is awfully easy to find someone… if you're looking. Isn't it?"
"Yes," he answered. "Why do you ask?"
She didn't want to tell him the truth. Perhaps she was being overly anxious. Surely once Uncle Malcolm received his mother's money, he wouldn't think twice about her or the twins. He wouldn't have any reason to come after her.
And yet she knew he would.
"I'm being foolish," she told Lucas.
"What other unreasonable fears did you have?"
"I used to bolt my bedroom door every night for fear someone would come inside while I was asleep."
"That doesn't sound unreasonable to me."
"Maybe it wasn't," she agreed. "But I also pushed the heavy oak dresser in front of the door as an added barrier."
"Who did you think would come inside while you slept? Somebody or anybody?"
"Just somebody." She changed the subject before he had time to question her further. "If you go back to your mountains…"
"Not if, Taylor, when," he corrected.
"What happens if your brothers need you?"
"They'll know where to look. It would only take a month or two of searching."
"I'm sure they'll find that comforting news indeed in the event of an emergency."
"They'll do just fine," he stubbornly insisted.
"I certainly wouldn't come looking for you."
"I didn't think you would."
She snorted. He smiled. The little woman had a temper. She kept trying to hide it from him, but she wasn't doing a very good job. She had a death grip on his arm. Her nails were digging into his skin. He doubted she realized what she was doing. He wondered why she was so outraged on his brothers' behalf. She acted as though he really were abandoning his family. She just didn't understand. He had made a bargain with his brothers when they had asked him for help, and he'd done everything he promised he would do. Hell, he'd done more than enough.
How could she know what his life was like? She'd been pampered and protected all her life. She certainly had never done without. She couldn't imagine what it had been like locked in a two-by-four cell without windows but with plenty of rats and screams of death all around him.
Lucas wasn't going to try to make her understand how he felt or why. He never talked about the war and he wasn't going to start now. Her opinion of him wasn't important.
Lucas recognized the lie immediately. For some reason, her opinion of him did matter. He couldn't imagine why and knew he wasn't making a lick of sense. He was tired, that was all. Fatigue was making it difficult to think straight. The storm was still raging with just as much intensity, and he wouldn't have been surprised to hear the warning bell ring alerting the passengers to abandon ship.
He wasn't going to worry over things he couldn't do anything about. If the ship went down, he'd grab Taylor and swim for the nearest shore or die trying.
He couldn't do anything about Taylor's nearness either. She was so wonderfully soft and silky. She smelled good, too. Like roses. Her smooth, kissable skin could drive a man to distraction, and all he really wanted to do was bury his face in the crook of her neck and fall asleep inhaling her fragrance.
He was lying again. He wanted to make love to her, to bury himself inside…
"Do your brothers realize you're going to desert them?"
He was thankful for the interruption. His thoughts were about to get him into trouble. He didn't mind that her question was actually insulting. She just didn't understand. Until she had called Jordan, Douglas, and Kelsey his family, he really hadn't considered them kin. They were just half brothers. Lucas had been alone for so long now, the notion of family was altogether foreign to him.
"You sound outraged," he remarked with a loud yawn.
"I believe I am a little outraged," she responded. "I realize your brothers and their problems shouldn't be my concern, but-"
He didn't let her finish. "You're right. They aren't your concern. Go to sleep."
"Are we finished discussing family responsibilities then?"
He ignored her question, letting his silence be all the answer she was going to get.
There was a bright side to the odd turn in the conversation, however. Taylor was so caught up in her outrage over what she considered to be disloyal family conduct on his part, she didn't have time or room to be worried about their situation any longer, and he supposed that was all good and well. His hide could withstand a few insults, especially if it kept her from being afraid. He didn't want her to think about drowning or dwell on the possibility. God only knew he had enough concern inside him for the two of them. He was beginning to wonder how much more battering the ship could take before being torn apart.
"Taylor, can you swim?"
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
"Just wondered."
"Can you?"
"Yeah."
A minute passed before she understood the motive behind his question. "Could you swim all the way to Boston?" she asked.
No one could. They were still a good two days away from port, perhaps even more, if the ship had been thrown off course by the high winds and relentless waves. "Sure I could," he answered without even a hint of laughter in his voice. He hoped his lie would help keep her fears at bay.
"Mr. Ross?"
God, he hated it when she called him that. "What now?"
"I'm really not that gullible," she said.
He smiled in the darkness. She let out a loud, lusty yawn. "I wonder if I'll sleep through drowning."
"We won't drown."
"No," she agreed. "We won't."
Several minutes passed in silence. Lucas thought she had finally fallen asleep. He couldn't stop himself from moving just a little bit closer to her. His head dropped to rest in the crook of her neck. He closed his eyes and tried for a long while to block his lustful thoughts. His discipline deserted him. He knew he should turn away from her. He couldn't. He should have been able to control his fantasies, damn it all. She was beguiling, yes, with those magical eyes and enchanting mouth and it was only a normal, healthy reaction on his part to get hard and want her. He was in bed with her, after all, and all she was wearing was a thin white nightgown. In the dark, wasn't one woman as good as another? Of course, he told himself. Taylor wasn't anything special.
And if that wasn't a lie, he didn't know what was. There wasn't a thing ordinary about Taylor. Lucas gritted his teeth and forced himself to roll away from her. He blocked her from being tossed about with his back, closed his eyes, and willed himself to go to sleep.