Yeah. Right. My perfect life. My perfect princess life, with Michael, my perfect princely boyfriend. Let me tell you something, Kenny. You want to know how NOT perfect my perfect princess life is? My perfect princely boyfriend is getting ready to dump me, because I don’t want to Do It. How’s that for perfect, Kenny?
Except, of course, I couldn’t say that. Because that’s none of Kenny’s business. Also, because I don’t much want the whole Michael-wants-to-Do-It thing getting around school. Thanks to the many movies based—however loosely—on my life that are floating around out there, enough people already think they know everything there is to know about me. I don’t need any MORE info leaking out.
But whatever. I just assured Kenny that my life isn’t as perfect as he might think. That, in fact, I have a LOT of problems, among them the fact that I am a baby-licker and very nearly got my own country kicked out of the EU.
Surprisingly, this information seemed to cheer him up excessively. So much so, in fact, that I’m feeling kind of annoyed.
Wha—
Oh, no. The classroom loudspeaker just crackled. Principal Gupta is coming on to announce the results of today’s votes.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Here it is:
Lana Weinberger, three hundred fifty nine votes.
Mia Thermopolis, six hundred forty one votes.
Oh, my God.
OH, MY GOD.
I’M THE NEW STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT OF ALBERT EINSTEIN HIGH.Monday, September 14, 5 p.m., Ray’s Pizza
Okay. That was…that was just totally surreal.
I don’t even know how else to describe it. I’m in a total and complete daze. Still. And it’s been two hours since Principal Gupta declared me the winner. And I’ve had half a plain cheese pizza and three Cokes since then.
And I’m STILL in shock.
Maybe it’s not so much winning the election as it is what happened after I found out I won the election. Which was…
…a LOT, actually.
First off, everyone in my Earth Science class, including Kenny, started jumping all over the place, congratulating me, then asking me if I could please ask the trustees to buy the bio lab electrophoresis kits, something for which they’d unsuccessfully lobbied the last president.
So, obviously, in no time at all, I understood the full weight of the responsibility I would bear as president.
And…
I welcomed it.
I know. I KNOW.
I mean, like it’s not enough I’m
the princess of Genovia
sister to a defenseless infant whose mother and father are somewhat lacking in the parenting department, if you know what I mean
a budding writer who still has to get through sophomore Geometry this year
a teen, with all that that word implies, such as mood swings, insecurities, and the occasional zit
in love with a college boy.
Now I’m actually entertaining the idea of being all that, AND president of my school student council???
But. Well. Yeah.
Yeah, I am. Because winning that election against Lana?
That totally RULED.
But anyway. That was just the FIRST thing that happened.
The next thing was that after the bell rang, letting us out for the day, I was making my way down to my locker—slowly…very slowly, because everyone kept stopping me to congratulate me—when I ran into Lilly, who leapt into my arms (even though I’m a lot taller than she is, she still weighs more. She’s lucky I didn’t drop her. But I guess I had, like, that adrenaline thing you get when your baby is stuck under a car or you win the presidency of your school’s student council, or something, since I was able to hold on to her until she climbed down again).
Anyway, Lilly was all, “WE DID IT!!! WE DID IT!!!!”
And then Tina and Boris and Shameeka and Ling Su and Perin showed up, and started jumping up and down along with us. Then, we all made our way down to my locker, singing that “We Are the Champions” song.
Then, as everybody else was chatting excitedly, and I was working the combination to my locker, I noticed something very odd going on at the locker next door to mine. And that was that Ramon Riveras, flanked by Principal Gupta and Lana Weinberger’s DAD, of all people, was taking everything—and I do mean EVERYTHING—out of his locker, and putting it glumly in his gym bag.
And standing a little ways behind him, tears streaming down her face, was Lana, who kept stomping her foot and going, “But, Daddy, WHY???? Why, Daddy, WHY???”
Except that Dr. Weinberger wasn’t answering her. He just stood there, looking very solemn, until Ramon had gotten the last of his stuff out of the locker. Then Principal Gupta said, “Very well. Come along.”
And she, Ramon, Dr. Weinberger, and Lana all trailed back to the principal’s office.
But not before Lana swung a decidedly nasty look over her shoulder at me, and hissed, “I’ll get you back for this if it’s the last thing I do! You’ll be sorry!”
I thought she meant she’d get back at me for winning the election over her. But when Shameeka went, “Hey, where are they taking Ramon?” Lilly smiled in an evil way and said, “The airport, probably.”
While we all asked, in a chorus, what she was talking about, Lilly said, “My secret weapon. Only after that speech you gave, Mia, I knew we didn’t need it. Looks like that grandmother of yours dropped the dime on the Weinbergers anyway, even though she didn’t have to. I have to hand it to that Clarisse. She is one old dame you don’t want to get on your bad side.”
Since this didn’t exactly clear the matter up any—at least as far as I was concerned—I asked Lilly just what the heck she was talking about, and she explained. It turns out that day at the soccer game, when Lilly had been sitting behind Lana’s parents, she’d totally eavesdropped on their conversation, and found out that Ramon is a ringer!
Yes! He is already a high school graduate! He graduated last year, back in his native Brazil, where he’d led his school district to claim the national championship! Dr. Weinberger and a couple of the other trustees got the brilliant idea to PAY him to come to this country and enroll at AEHS, so we’d have a chance at actually winning some games for a change.
Lilly and Grandmère had planned on using this information as part of a smear campaign against Lana, in the event that it looked as if, after the debate, she was going to win.
But my pulling out Sailor Moon and that John Locke quote convinced them I had the election in the bag. So, Grandmère ended up not calling Principal Gupta’s office to tell her about Ramon until after the election results were announced.
I must say, this information caused me to look at Lilly in a new light. I mean, I’ve always known that Lilly is capable of some underhanded things. And I’m not saying the Weinbergers had a right to use poor Ramon that way, or to dupe the other trustees.
But, geez! I would not want to be on the wrong side of Lilly—much less Grandmère—in a fight.
Lilly was standing there looking all pleased with herself while everyone else patted her on the back and said what a cool thing she had done.
And I guess it was cool, in a way, if you agree—which I most definitely do—that anything that makes Lana cry is a good thing.
“So,” Lilly said, when I’d gotten all my stuff together and was standing there, ready to go. “Since Clarisse let you out of princess hell for the day, want to go celebrate OUR victory?”
She put a very significant emphasis on the word OUR that only a moron would have missed.
I got it, all right.
And felt my stomach lurch.
“Um,” I said. “Yeah, Lilly. About that. Something kind of happened when I was giving that speech today….”
“You’re telling me something happened,” Lilly said, patting me on the back. “You struck a blow for unpopular kids everywhere, is what happened while you were giving that speech today.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I know. About that. I just don’t know how I feel about it now. I mean, Lilly, don’t you think your plan is kind of unfair? Those people voted for me. I’m the one they expect—”