I said, “Okay, he’s gone. Now tell me.”
Lilly took a deep, shuddering breath. Then, glancing around at everyone else in the room—all of whom immediately ducked their heads, pretending to be engrossed in their individual projects, something that NEVER happens unless Mrs. Hill is in the room, which she most decidedly was not just then—Lilly whispered, “J.P. just broke up with me.”
I stared at her in complete and utter astonishment.“What?”
“You heard me.” Lilly reached up and wiped her eyes with the back of her wrist, leaving a long black mascara stain on each side of her face. “He dumped me.”
I pulled out the chair next to Lilly’s just in time to collapse into it and not onto the floor.
“You’re joking,” I said. Because it was the only thing I could think of to say.
But it was painfully clear by the way tears continued to stream from her eyes that shewasn’t joking.
“Butwhy ?” I asked.“When?”
“Just now,” Lilly said. “Outside on the front steps, next to Joe.” Joe is the stone lion that flanks the stairs leading to the front doors of Albert Einstein High. “He said he felt really bad, but that he doesn’t feel the same way about me that I do about him. He said he values me as a friend, but that he’s never lo-loved me!”
I couldn’t stop staring at her. Somehow, this was way more horrible than what Michael had done to me. I mean, Michael had had sex with Judith Gershner and lied to me about it, and all.
But he had never said he didn’t love me.
“Oh, Lilly,” I breathed. I forgot about being a nihilist. All I could think about was how much Lilly was hurting. “Oh, Lilly. I’m so sorry.”
“So am I,” Lilly said, wiping her eyes again. “Sorry I was such anidiot for not admitting to myself what I KNEW was going on sooner.”
I blinked at her. “What do you mean?”
“Well, the very first time I told him that I loved him, and all he said was thank you? I mean, I should have taken that as a sign that he didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him, right?”
“But we all just thought it was because he wasn’t used to having a girl like him,” I said. “Remember, Tina said—”
“Right, that he was like the Beast fromBeauty and the Beast , unused to human love, and uncertain how to react to it. Well, guess what? Tina was wrong. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to react. He just didn’t love me back, and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me so. So he just led me on, all these months.”
I couldn’t help sucking in my breath. “Oh, Lilly,” I said. “No! I mean, he must have thought maybe—”
“That he’d grow to love me?” Lilly managed a bitter smile. “Yeah, well, apparently it didn’t work.”
“Oh, Lilly,” I said. I could have killed J.P. right then. I really could have. I couldn’t believe he was putting her through this.
And to do it at school! Of all places! I mean, why couldn’t he have waited until they were somewhere alone, like Ray’s Pizza, and broken the news to her then, so she could cry in private? What’swrong with boys?
I’ll kill him. Seriously. I’m going to kill him.
I didn’t even realize I’d said the words out loud until Lilly reached out and grabbed my wrist and said, “Mia. No. Don’t.”
I looked at her, startled. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t say anything to him about it. Really. It’s my fault. I…I sort of knew all along that he didn’t love me.”
“What?”I’ve heard about this before. When victims of rat fink boyfriends blame themselves for what the loser himself did.
But I never thought LILLY, of all people, would be one of them.
“What are youtalking about, you knew? Obviously you didn’t know, Lilly, or you wouldn’t have—”
“No, it’s true,” Lilly said, her voice hoarse with tears. “When he never said he loved me back, I suspected that there was something wrong. But I—well, like you said. I thought he might learn to love me. So I stayed with him, instead of breaking it off, like I should have. It’s not his fault. He tried, Mia. He really did. It was actually really nice of him not to let it go farther than it did. He could really have taken advantage. But he didn’t.”
I couldn’t help being all, “So, wait. Does that mean that you two never—”
Lilly’s eyes narrowed. “Nice try, POG,” she said. “I’m down, but I’m not out. We still have a presidential election to plan, you know.”
I dropped my head down to the top of the desk. “Lilly,” I said. “I can’t. I just can’t. Can’t you see I’m broken?”
“Well, I’m broken, too,” Lilly said defensively. “And I’m still able to FUNCTION. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”
I really hate this expression. I bet fish would totally want bicycles, if they had legs.
Then, in a gentler voice, Lilly added, “Look, POG, about you and my brother. I’m sorry.”
“Thanks,” I said. And all the tears I thought I had successfully fought down in the cafeteria came rushing back.
“But I don’t get it,” Lilly said.
“Of course you don’t get it,” I said miserably, to the top of the desk. “You’re his sister. You’re on his side.”
“I may be his sister,” Lilly said. “But I’m your best friend, too. And it just seems like such a stupid waste. I know you’re mad at him, but really…what did he do that was so wrong? So he slept with Judith Gershner. Big deal. It’s not like he did it WHILE you two were going out.”
“It IS a big deal,” I insisted. “I just…I never thought Michael, of all people, would do something like that. Sleep with someone he didn’t even love. And then LIE to me about it. And I KNOW you think that’s just me inflicting my beliefs onto him. But I always just assumed he and I shared the same beliefs. And now I find out he’s more…well, he’s more likeJosh Richter than he is like me!”
“Josh Richter?” Lilly rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. How is my brother REMOTELY like Josh Richter?
“Because sleeping with a girl you don’t even love…that’s something Josh Richter does.”
“It’s only a Josh Richter thing to do if the girl had a major crush on him and he used her and she got hurt.”
I lifted my head to stare at her. “You mean like you and J.P.?” I asked, trying to sound as concerned as possible.
Lilly just glared at me, though. “Nice try, Mia,” she said. “But I’m not falling for that one.”
Dang.
“Mia,” Lilly said. “You can’t get all bent out of shape over the fact that Michael has been with other girls before you. That’s just STUPID.”
NowI narrowed my eyes ather. “What do you mean, GIRLS?”
“Well, like that girl from Hebrew camp—”
“WHAT GIRL FROM HEBREW CAMP?” I screamed so loudly that Boris actually stuck his head out of the supply closet to see what was going on.
“Relax,” Lilly said disgustedly. “They just made out. And he was, like, in ninth grade, or something.”
“Was she pretty?” I wanted to know. “Who was she? What base did they get to?”
“You,” Lilly said, “need therapy. Now, can we talk about something other than our romantic travails for a moment? Because we need to work on your speech.”
I blinked at her. “My what?”
“Your speech. You think just because we’ve broken up with our boyfriends, we’re no longer capable of improving our academic environment, or leading our peers to a better tomorrow?”
“No,” I said. “But—”
“Good. Because you know you have to give your student council president speech at Assembly today, right?”
I swallowed. Hard. “Lilly,” I said. “That is not going to be possible.”
“You don’t have a choice, POG,” Lilly said. “I’ve let you off easy this week because of the whole Michael thing. But this part I can’t do for you. You’re going to have to get up there and speak. I figured you wouldn’t have prepared anything, so I took the liberty of doing so.” She slid a piece of paper—covered with Lilly’s tiniest handwriting—toward me. “It’s pretty much the answers to questions posed on the table-toppers in the caf. You know, what to do in the event of a Category Five hurricane or dirty bomb attack. Nothing new. At least, not to you. It should be a snap.”