I asked.
"Oh, this and that," he said. "There's a big, wonderful world out there, Mabel. A lot of fun, a lot of laughs. You should be getting your share."
"Someday," I said. "Maybe."
He came up close behind me and put a hand on my fanny.
"Don't wait too long, sweetie," he whispered in my ear. "You and I could have a great scene together.
"Yeah?" I said. "How could we do that?" I don't know why I said it.
"It could be worked," he said, stroking my can. "Trust me.
It would take some finagling, but it could be done. Will you think about it?"
I nodded, still not looking at him. He gave my butt a final pat and then he left. I held the edge of the sink because I was shaking. It was the first time a man had come on to me since my marriage, and I was all bollixed up. I decided I better tell Dr. Noble about it. That's what I was paying her for, wasn't itadvice.
I had a session with Cherry on Tuesday and told her how I had been propositioned. I didn't say who it was, but I had already mentioned Herman Todd so she probably guessed.
"How do you feel about it?" she asked me.
"Shaky," I said. "I want to and I don't want to. Oh, shit, I don't know how I feel. Tickled in a way because I can still turn a man on.
What do you think I should do?"
She looked at me a moment, not saying anything. Then, "Mabel, how often do you and your husband have sex?"
"Infrequently," I said. "And that's one word, not two.
She didn't even smile. "Were you sexually active before your marriage?"
"Very. And I do mean very."
"What made you decide to get married?"
"Oh, I just figured it was time to settle down."
"Were you in love with Gregory?"
"Oh sure, I liked him. But to tell you the truth, doc, I liked all the men I dated, one way or another. I like men.
That's no sin, is it?"
"Of course not. But of all the men you liked, you picked Gregory. Was there something special about him? " I laughed. "Sure there was. He had a good job and good chances for promotion. You can't blame a girl for being practical, can you?"
"Mmm. Do you want to save your marriage, Mabel? "
"Of course I do. if it can be saved. I'm willing to do anything I can, but I'm not sure Greg is going to change. He's so cold and distant."
"Have you ever told him how you feel?"
"I've tried to. He just doesn't want to talk about it. To talk about us."
"Do you think he'd be willing to talk to me? I could see the two of you separately and then, if progress is made, the two of you together."
"Greg would never go for it. A lot of the work he does at the lab is secret, he never says a word about it. And gradually his life has become secret, too. He just won't reveal anything about himself. He won't talk about personal things. Not to me anyway. Sometimes I think he must hate me."
"Why would he hate you, Mabel?"
"Who the hell knows. I've never hurt him."
"Never?
I found it hard to tell her. Listen, it's not easy to confess private things to a stranger. She may have been my therapist but she was still a stranger. I mean I liked her and all, but I wouldn't strip myself naked in front of her. And what she was asking was a lot harder than taking your clothes off.
But then I figured what was I paying her for and then holding back things that might help her to help me. That didn't make any sense at all. So I decided to tell her. I was sure she had heard worse things from some of her screwed-up customers.
"Actually, I did something," I told Dr. Noble, "but it couldn't have hurt Greg because he doesn't know the truth about it."
"What was it, Mabel?"
"Well, before I was married, I got pregnant. I told Greg it was his.
Look, it might have been, I wasn't really telling a lie.
But it also could have been four or five other guys. I was playing a big field and I just didn't know for sure."
"But you selected Gregory?"
I nodded.
"Why him?"
"I told you. He was smart and making a good living. The other guys weren't serious. If I had told them I was pregnant by them, maybe they'd have offered to pay for an abortion but probably they'd have said, Tata, Mabel, lots of luck."
"
"Why didn't you have an abortion?"
I figured I better level with her. I had already confessed so much, it seemed silly to stop now.
"At the time I was working in a bakery. It was just walking around money but I didn't need much. I was dating almost every night, so my food bills were nothing. And sometimes the guys would give me gifts.
Costume jewelry or maybe a sweater. Nothing really expensive. I never took cash. Never! I had a great body in those days. Everyone said so.
But the fun and games went on and on, and I began to get scared.
I still had the bod, but I was getting a little long in the tooth. You know what South Florida is like-a new crop of centerfolds every year.
I wasn't ancient or anything like that but I began to wonder what was going to happen to me. I'd see a bag lady ooting through a garbage can and I'd get the chills. r I figured I better make a permanent connection real soon.
And then I got knocked up. I know I'm not the brainiest woman in the world-you've probably discovered that for yourself-but I saw the pregnancy as leverage. You know? To get what I wanted, a steady husband and a home. So I picked Greg. I suppose you think I'm a stinker for doing that."
"No, I don't think you're a stinker, Mabel," Dr. Noble said.
She really did have a nice smile. "I think you reacted to your circumstances in a remarkably sensible way.
What you did solved your immediate problems-but it resulted in the new problems you have today. Do you think that's a fair assessment?" guess.
"Mabel, I previously urged that until we can get your life straightened out I would prefer your not making any major changes.
That includes having relations with the man you say propositioned you.
I can't tell you what to do, of course, it's your decision.
But I believe that if you start a new intimate relationship at this time, it will only add to your problems and make a solution more difficult. Will you think long and carefully before you decide?"
"Oh sure, doc, I'll do that."
"And now I think our time is up. See you on Thursday? "
"I'll be here."
I left Dr. Noble's office realizing she hadn't really told me what to do. I guess she didn't want to be blamed if what she told me to do turned sour. Like she said, it was my decision. The way I saw it, it was a no-win situation.
Laura at Hashbeam's had sent me a postcard saying they had a new shipment of sequined T-shirts she thought I might like. So I walked over there to take a look. I was feeling so miserable I had to buy something. just for a lift, you know.
I've played the fool all my life. And I've discovered l'you can know it and not do a damned thing about it. I mean you can be stone-cold sober and still act the fool. You do something stupid and you say to yourself, "This is stupid," but you keep right on doing it. I've decided a man is really a slave to his glands.
At least I am.
"You're an erotomaniac," Chas once said to me. "When the hell are you going to grow up?"
"Never," I said. "What's the point, big brother?"
Wednesday was a rough one at the office. Most of my days are rough, but this was supertough, a lot of unexpected claims, two big deals that fell through, and a nutsy client who stormed into my office screaming his policy was paid up but he just of another premium notice. It took me an hour to calm him down and send him on his way. He was wrong, of course.
By four in the afternoon I'd had it and told Goldie I was going out to the club and she could reach me there if the office burned down or one of our agents dropped dead.