"Well, sometimes you say things because you want something, or to keep me happy, or because you don't want an argument. And all the time you don't really mean what you're saying."
"You're nuts," he said. "When did I ever do things like that? "
"All the time," I said. "Like I can tell that now you don't really want to run away. You're just pretending."
"Oh my gosh," he said. "I told you I'd leave with you, didn't I? I promised, didn't I?"
"But you don't really mean it," I said. "I can tell."
"I do so mean it."
No, you don't. At the last minute you'll make some excuse not to go."
"You know," he said, "you can be a real pita.
"Pita?" I said. "That's like a bread."
"Yeah, I know," he said. "It also stands for'pain in the ass." And that's what you can be."
I started crying. "That's the worst thing anyone ever called me in my whole life," I told him, "and I hate you."
"Well, you called me a liar."
"Did not. I just said that sometimes you say things you don't really mean. Like running away."
"But I do mean it " he insisted. "Will you stop crying, for gosh sakes. just because I said maybe we should think about it some more, that don't mean-"
"Doesn't."
"That doesn't mean I'm not going to keep my word. When did I ever go back on my word, tell me that."
"Cross your heart and hope to die that you'll absolutely, positively, run away with me on Wednesday, September second."
"All right," he said. "Cross my heart and hope to die."
"Well, that's better," I said, sniffing.
"You believe me now?"
"Yes, I believe you."
We've got some frozen Milky Ways in our fridge, he said. "You want one?"
"Okay, " I said. Making up after an argument is the best part.
Hey," Chet said,,what you said about hating me you don't really mean that, do you?"
"No," I told him. "I just said it because you called me a pita and I was mad, but I didn't really mean it." ,That's good," he said.
After we ate our frozen Milky Ways, we decided to put on our bathing suits and have a hose fight. So that's what we did. We were playing around, dousing each other, when suddenly Chet stopped and stared out at Hibiscus Drive. I looked and saw a big silver car driving slowly by.
"There's that guy again," Chet said.
"What guy?" I asked him.
"A man who knows my mom and dad. He says he's going to stop by when they're both home and surprise them. it's supposed to be a secret."
"What's his name?"
"He didn't say. But he gave me five bucks."
"That was nice of him," I said., "Yeah," Chet said. "He's an okay guy.
BOBBYGURK Something going down," Teddy O. says to me.
"I can smell it."
"How do you figure that?", I ask him.
He squints at me through those crazy specs he wears. "The three of them, Brevoort and the two women, are thick as thieves.
They get together almost every night. Usually at Fiddler's house, but sometimes at Gunther's condo."
"But never at Willie's place?"
"I've never spotted them there."
"Teddy, what do you think they're cooking?"
"You want me to guess?" he says. "That's all I can do-guess.
I'd guess they haven't got the ZAP pill yet from the Mcwhortle chemist.
Otherwise they'd be long gone. Am I right? But they know they're going to get it, maybe soon, and they're figuring how to handle it. If I was them, I'd grab the pill, get out of town, and set up business somewhere else."
I think about this a long time. "Yeah," I tell him finally, "I do believe you got it. And I can't stand the idea of getting the shaft on this deal. People are such rat finks-you know?"
"Maybe we should move on them right away," Teddy O. says.
"Even before they get the pill. Make them tell us the name of the chemist." He takes his ice pick out of the sheath strapped to his shin and waves it at me. "I know how to do it," he says.
"Sure you do," I says. "And maybe we'll have to do it your way. But if we lean on them to get the chemist's name, then we need to pick up the chemist and lean on him to get the pill. So it gets messy-know what I mean? Maybe someone goes screaming to the cops-and then where are we?
If it has to be done, then we'll do it. But first let the Gunther dame again. Maybe she'll go missing.
"I think she's in on the swindle," Teddy O. says.
"Maybe yes, maybe no, I says. "I'll sure as hell find out."
So I give Laura a call and tell her I'm stopping by that night.
"That's nice," she says.
I shouldn't be telling you this because you might think I'm an airhead, but I had a thing for tazy dame. Like what they call a soft spot in my heart.
She's a tall, busty broad with a dirty mouth, but what I like about her is that she's always cracking wise and just don't give a damn.
But, of course, my liking her has got nothing to do with business.
I barge into her place, and she's wearing these baby-doll pajamas that show a lot of skin and make her look as big as a house. I figure it's smart to knock off a piece before I brace her, because who knows what kind of a mood she'll be in after I lower the boom.
So after I get up off the floor, she pours us belts of Chivas, and we just sit around bare-ass naked and shoot the bull awhile. Finally I decide to lay it on her.
"Hey," I says, "I hear you and Willie and a blond twist have become palsy-walsy.
"Yeah?" she says. "Where did you hear that?"
"Oh, you know how word gets around. Who's the blonde?"
"A playmate of Willie's. Her name's Thelma something.
So right away I know she's lying, because the blonde is Jessica Fiddler, and if Laura is palling around with her she'd know her name.
"Uh-huh' I says, like I'm not really inarrested. "The three of you having a scene?"
"Now and then," she says. "You got any objections?
"Not me," I says. "Live and let live. How about an invite to make it a foursome?"
"Not your style," she tells me. "Unless you do coke."
"Oh-ho, I says, not believing her for a minute. "Nose buddies, is that it?"
"That's it," she says. "Just to relax occasionally. Take our minds off our troubles."
"We all got 'em," I says. "Some more than others. What do you hear from Willie about the ZAP pill?
"Not a word. Bobby, you might as well forget that deal.
Since old man Mcwhortle croaked, all the work at his lab has come to a screeching halt."
"it don't make sense," I says. "There's a lot of loot to be made from that pill. Funny that they'd just drop it." i She shrugs and pours us a refill. She's really got all the goodies.
Beefy but not fat, if you know what good skin. Creamy.
I'd hate to bat er I mean. And around and spoil her complexion, but I could do it if I had to.
"What's Willie up to these days?" I ask her.
"How the fuck should I know?" she says. "He doesn't blab about his personal business. I guess he's doing what he did before, peddling information. Why don't you ask him?"
"I haven't seem him around lately. I thought maybe he's cooking up a big deal. I've done a lot for Willie. I hope he remembers who his friends are.
"You figure you're a friend of his?"
"Sure I am."
She laughs. "Come on, Bobby. You're the guy who was planning to shaft him."
"That was just business, but personally I like him. I hear he does drag."
She looks at me. "You hear a lot of things, don't YOU? if Does he or doesn't he?"