The effect had been unsettling, to be so rudely touched by a mindless life-form that could be carrying who-knows-what form of infectious disease. She had instantly intellectualized the experience, of course; she had long ago decided the Auroran fear of disease had been taken to ridiculous extremes. Even so, an involuntary sense of revulsion and disgust at the experience, much greater than was warranted, overtook her. It had lingered until she had bathed in a whirlpool of disinfectants.
That night she had dreamed of being swarmed by thousands of ants. The nightmare had been similar to what she was experiencing now.
But the current feeling was much more vivid.
She tried to convince herself that it wasn't real, that neither she nor Derec had detected any form of metallic insect life on this planet. However, the robots had shown definite signs of intellectual evolution. Perhaps that meant the cells forming the city were capable of random mutation, which meant it was not unreasonable to assume that a form of insect life was capable of developing.
Ariel was frozen to the spot with fear. She lowered her gaze, fully expecting to see a horde of ants swarming about her legs, moving up her boots and disappearing into her trouser legs, searching for just the right place to stop and begin gorging themselves, before they started carrying away tiny pieces of her.
But when she closed her eyes, it was all too easy for her to imagine the ants with their big compound eyes, glistening like tin in the sunlight, with their piston-driven spindly legs and their nuclear-battery-powered thoraxes, and especially with the steady, mechanical motions of their mandibles searching over her epidermis like the rods of a geiger counter. She could not as yet feel the mandibles biting and tearing, but she was certain that the pain would come. Beginning at any second.
Where were the robots when you needed them? Couldn't any see her? Weren't any around?
No, of course not,she realized with an ever-sinking sense of futility. You're at the reservoir, and they're all in the city, pining about how there aren't any humans around for them to take care of.
There's soon going to be one less. Oh, Derec, where are you? Why can't you help me?
Ariel was afraid to breathe. She thought that perhaps if she remained utterly stationary, like one who is dead, then the ants might think she was nothing but a dead rock. But how could she remain motionless for long without breathing? Wouldn't the ants hear the sound of air moving in and out of her lungs?
What did it matter? She had to do something, even if it was nothing. She felt the mechanical ants everywhere, crawling up her breasts, nestled in her armpits, inspecting her hair. Why didn't they start eating? Weren't they hungry? What kind of ants were they?
They're robot ants,she thought. Maybe they're trying to see if I'm human. If they decide I am, they may not hurt me. If they decide otherwise
Now she knew why primitive man had worshipped deities-to stave off the tremendous fear of the last moments of life, when there were profound good-byes to be said and resolutions to be imparted, but no one to tell them to, and no time left to tell them.
"Airr-eee-ll?" someone whispered timidly. " Arre 'u asleep?"
Ariel's eyes could not have opened wider or faster if she had received an electrical shock. She jumped back in stunned surprise at the sight of Wolruf squatting directly in front of her. And promptly smacked her head against the boulder.
Things got woozy as the caninoid cocked her head. Wolruf held a clump of stalks in her left hand, and a few strands hung from the fur surrounding her lips. "Arre 'u well?"
"Of course I'm well! What does it look like?"
"My annces'orrs would have said that 'u had vize-atorr."
"Who? What kind?" Ariel snapped. She closed her mouth with a force of will, then tried to compose herself. She was only partially successful. "It should be obvious that until you showed up I was the only one here."
"Two rre-ponnzes: furrst, been watching 'u all nite-"
“What!?"
"Man'elbrrot rreques'ed it. Thought 'u woul'n't apprresee-ate rrobut."
"Why that big hunk of-"
"Pulice, let me finish. Seckon': ancess'ors would have said 'u weren't only theeng in 'ur mind at moment, and I wai'ed, wa'cheeng, thinking it would be best not to dis'urb 'u or 'ur vize-atorr."
"And exactly what made you decide to interrupt my strange interlude?"
"'U looked like 'u were about to faint."
"I see."
Wolruf tipped back further on her haunches, so that her back was perfectly straight. Her posture struck Ariel as being almost humanly annoyed, especially when the caninoid crossed her arms and shook her head, as if in disappointment. She went to great lengths to avoid looking directly into Ariel's eyes, first examining the buildings, the bank, the rocks, and then pointedly turning her back to Ariel, perhaps to have a better view of the reservoir.
"Well, aren't you going to ask me what my problem was?" said Ariel.
Wolruf turned her head slightly. "Why sshhould I?"
"I-I thought you must might want to know, that's all."
"Nne of my bizzness. Not people's way. Deafenly not mine."
"Aren't you worried?"
"No."
"Don't you care?"
"Didn't hav' to wa'ch 'u all nite. Was migh'ily bored. Many times distrrack'ed. Could hav' lef' 'u at any time and Man'elbrrot neither knowed norr carred."
Ariel suddenly felt as tired as she had ever been in her life. Even to shrug with a labored air of nonchalance cost her a tremendous effort. "How flattering," she said sarcastically.
She immediately regretted the words. Wolruf was stopping just short of saying she had stayed to watch because she was concerned for her welfare. There you go, Miss Burgess, Ariel thought. You really will go insane if you can't recognize the good in people, whether they're human or not.
She sat down beside Wolruf and said, "I'm sorry. Please try to understand that in addition to all our other problems, my mental condition gets out of hand sometimes."
"Datzz all rite.”
“It isn't, it's just that I don't know what I can do about it right now. To make matters worse, it always gives me an excuse to misbehave, even if I don't know at the time that that's all it is. "
Wolruf pulled her lips back against her teeth in a kind of smile. "So-are 'u well?"
"I'm better.”
“There's no rreazon to be upset about vize't from tricks' er. Izz how he makes us obey his will, by makin' us see wha' he wantzz."
"That may be easy for your race to accept, but we humans aren't so used to having strange beings make pit stops in our minds at their every convenience."
Wolruf nodded thoughtfully. " 'U simplee lack perrspec'ive."
Ariel nodded in return. She had half expected that as a result of her apology she would feel the haze of exhaustion lift, but instead she imagined each individual cell in her body deteriorating steadily. A little while longer and she'd be a quivering mass of protoplasm.
"It's an old Spacer saying that everybody likes to feel in control of their lives, but with Aurorans it's only more so," she said. " And why not? It's not only an effect of our current culture, but an extension of our own history. As the first Spacers, we terraformed Aurora to suit our own tastes and purposes. We did everything we could to make our new planet a garden. We even brought with us the prettiest, best, and most useful Terran species, leaving behind the ones that would make life too unpleasant."
"If tha' 'ur plane'zz history, then the in'ivi'ual retlec'zz it."
"Yes, until I was exiled and cut off from my funds, I had a great deal of independence. Within socially acceptable limits-which I never really accepted anyway-I had complete freedom of action."