“But that doesn’t mean I’ve changed my mind about her.” He turned his eyes on the fire. He never should have let Dru talk him into going to Boise to hire a teacher for the children. What was so all-fired important for them to learn that Dru couldn’t teach them? The Blakes sure didn’t have a lot of extra money to be throwing away. The last year had been good to them, but if they wanted the Lucky Strike to be a success, they needed to put everything they made back into it. He was hoping to have his neighbor, Patrick O’Donnell, pick up a new bull for him next summer up in Montana, and a prize bull wouldn’t come cheap. No, it would have been better if they’d never gone to Boise. Rachel Harris didn’t belong with the Blakes. Yet strangely, he couldn’t remember what it had been like before she’d come to stay.
Chapter Seven
Gavin felt the stillness first. He opened his eyes, his body alert. The bedroom he shared with Dru was dark, but he knew instantly that his wife’s bed was empty. His feet touched the cool wood floor as he sat up. He reached for his trousers and slipped into them, then pulled on his boots. Listening for any sound out of the ordinary, he rose and quickly strode across the bedroom. There was a faint glimmer of red coals lingering on the sitting room hearth, shedding just enough light for him to see the open front door. As he stepped outside, the first flash of lightning lit up the sky. Seconds later, the resultant crack of thunder split the silent air. Before the sound had faded, the heavens sparked again and then again.
She was standing in the middle of the yard, halfway between the house and the barn. She was wearing a brown shawl over her white nightgown. Her graying brown hair hung free down the middle of her back. She looked as if a breeze could blow her over. As if in response to his observation, the wind rose, stirring the white fabric around her ankles and revealing bare feet. Gavin walked slowly forward.
“Dru?” She didn’t turn to look at him. Her voice was soft, barely audible above the peals of thunder.
“I could feel it coming. The air was so still. Thick, like you could cut it with a knife. I wanted to see the storm.” Silently, he stood beside her. He thought to put his arm around her shoulders, but something told him she didn’t wish to be held.
“I’ll miss these storms.” She turned to look at him, her face spotlighted by another flash of lightning.
“Do you know how many things I’m gonna miss about being’ here?” He had no reply. He tried to pretend she was talking about leaving the basin, but he knew she wasn’t.
“But I’ll be with Charlie, so I guess I won’t mind so much.” Her fingers lightly touched Gavin’s shoulder.
“It makes the goin’ not so hard when you love somebody the way I love Charlie. Can you understand that?” He couldn’t. He’d tried, but he couldn’t. The wind increased. Dru’s hair billowed out behind her. Black clouds, turned silver by the lightning, rolled overhead.
“It wasn’t right of me to ask you t’marry me, Gavin. You should’ve had a chance to find what Charlie and I shared. If it weren’t for my girls…”
“I wanted to do it,” he replied gruffly.
“I’ll do my best by Brina and Pet. They’ll never want for anything.” Her face was turned up toward the sky.
“Lovin’s the only thing that makes sense in this old world, Gav. Only thing worth livin’ or dyin’ for.” She turned suddenly, piercing him with a shrewd gaze.
“What happened that made you so determined never to love a woman?” His gut tightened.
“I care about you, Dru.” She stepped toward him, placing her hand on his forearm. Her voice was softer now, her look somehow pleading.
“I know you care. You care ‘cause I was Charlie’s wife and we were all family. You care for me as you would a sister if you’d had one. But that’s not the kind of lovin’ I’m talkin’ about, Gavin. Just carin’s not enough for a man like you.”
“I like things just fine the way they are.” Dru leaned her head against his chest, whispering, “No you don’t, Gav. No you don’t.” She’d been awakened by Joker’s scratching at her door. The moment she opened it, the big wolfhound had leapt onto her bed and burrowed under the covers. Suddenly, a loud crack of thunder shook the house. Rachel squealed and was about to close the door and jump into bed with Joker when she noticed the front door was wide open. She rushed across the room, prepared to close it quickly. She saw them standing in the middle of the yard, Dru’s head resting against Gavin’s bare chest, his arms around her back as he stared up at the sky. There was something poignant, something overwhelmingly powerful about the scene that caught at Rachel’s throat and made tears burn her eyes. She took a quick step
backward, then spun around and returned to her room, where she crawled beneath the blankets. She didn’t bother to push Joker off the bed. She felt a sudden need not to be alone. Even that mangy hound was better than nothing—or no one. In her mind, she kept seeing that strange expression on Gavin’s face. Pain. It was filled with pain. She couldn’t imagine a man like Gavin Blake feeling pain of any kind. She wished she could… What? What did she wish she could do? Again in her mind’s eye, she envisioned them—her and Gavin—standing together in the wind, beneath the crashing heavens, the earth shaking beneath their feet. She could feel the muscles of his chest beneath her cheek, hear the rapid beating of her heart, knew the moment she would look up at him and he would bend slowly forward and their lips… Heat turned her cheeks scarlet. She pressed her cool fingers against her flesh and willed the image to go away. She couldn’t be thinking such things about her employer, about another woman’s husband. She wouldn’t allow herself to think such things. But she couldn’t stop herself. She still imagined his arms around her, pressing her tightly against him.
“Stop!” she whispered, squeezing her eyes closed. Joker whined and inched his way up until his muzzle was near her face. Rachel pressed her forehead behind his ear.
“Please go away,” she whispered, but she didn’t mean the dog. Dru listened to Gavin’s steady breathing and knew he was asleep at last. She let a tired sigh slip past her lips. She supposed she should try to sleep, too, but she felt the wasting away of time. She would have eternity to rest. She wanted to live now, while she still could. There was so much she still had to get done. She heard Gavin shift on his cot. She turned her head toward the sound, gazing in his direction even though she couldn’t see across the dark bedroom. Strange. She’d known him for over five years now. He’d been a part of the Porter family, much more than just a friend. Charlie and Gavin had been like brothers. When things had been at their blackest for Dru, he’d been there. He’d been there to help comfort her when Charlie’s son was stillborn. He’d eased her pain when Charlie died not long after. He’d been her rock when they first learned she was dying. Finally, he’d even married her to make sure her daughters had a home when she was gone, given them all his name and the security that went with it.
All this, and still she knew so little about him. If it weren’t for what information she’d pried out of Stubs over the years, she wouldn’t know anything about his past at all. It was Stubs who’d told her that Gavin’s parents had divorced when he was a boy and that he never spoke about his mother. A woman’s instinct had filled in the rest. She knew there was a world of hurt inside the man Gavin had become. She knew he’d chosen to remain detached from women, sworn never to marry. If she hadn’t become ill, he would have kept that promise too. And it was a shame. He had so darned much love to give, but he held it in, never let anyone get too close. Except for Sabrina and Petula. Dru smiled into the darkness. Gavin couldn’t hold his love for the girls in check. He was scared about raising them alone, afraid he didn’t know how to be a father. He didn’t talk about it, but she knew he was scared. She wasn’t worried. She’d seen him acting like a father long before Charlie died. It was the one time he was truly happy, when he was playing with the girls. What he needed now was a woman to share the rest of his love and to love him in return. Her thoughts strayed across the silent house to the other bedroom-Gavin’s room before they’d gone to Boise to hire a governess. She hoped and prayed her instincts had been right about Miss Harris. She wouldn’t have another chance. Dru rolled onto her side and hugged the pillow to her breast as she pictured Rachel. She was incredibly beautiful. Anyone—man or woman—would have to be blind and half dead not to think so. Of course, if looks were all she had, Dru never would have brought her back with them. Rachel Harris had gumption, too, and she was bright and witty. As they’d sat in that room at the Overland Hotel, talking about Rachel’s sister and her husband and their children, Rachel had revealed more about herself than she’d realized. She was a young woman with a lot of love to give to those around her, but she wasn’t out to just marry any man that came along. When she married, it would be for love and forever. Just like her and Charlie. I don’t have much left to do, Charlie, she thought as she closed her eyes. You always said Gavin deserved the best. Well, I think maybe I’ve found her for him. She’s gonna be good with our girls, too. She’ll love ‘em and make sure they don’t forget us. Just a little more time so I can get ‘em pointed in the right direction, and then I can come to you. Just a little more time, Charlie. She drifted off to sleep. Rachel scarcely slept all night—and when she did, she was troubled by strange dreams of Gavin Blake. He seemed to be scowling at her, his expression dark and censuring. An unknown danger seemed to lurk in the steel gray of his eyes. And yet she wasn’t afraid. Rather, she was drawn toward him. When she awakened for the third time, the dream always the same, her heart hammering madly in her chest, she decided it was better not to sleep. She pushed aside the blankets and rose from the bed. The previous night’s thunderstorm had been followed by a drenching rain. The air in her room felt chill and damp, and she shivered as she hurried toward the makeshift dresser. She didn’t waste any time selecting what clothes she would wear. She just wanted to get dressed and get out of this room. She needed a deep breath of fresh air to clear her head. Tying her flowing blond hair at the nape of her neck with a narrow scarf, Rachel slipped from her bedroom and through the sitting room. She lifted the latch with care, trying not to make any