“That was when I decided not to let anyone in. Being alone was better than letting someone down.” His head hangs and his eyes focus on the floor.
Seeing him like this is breaking my heart. I stand up and sit down on his lap, facing him. He leans back against the couch, his hands resting at my sides. “You were not to blame, Hunter. She was sick. Whether you were there or not, it wouldn’t have made a difference. You can’t beat yourself up for living your life. Amy wouldn’t have wanted you to do that. She definitely wouldn’t want you closing yourself off from everyone.” That’s when the realization hits me. “This is why you seemed so mad at me in the hospital.”
“Yeah, I can’t go through that again, Sam. I can’t let you get hurt. I can’t lose you.”
I wrap Hunter in my arms, placing a small kiss on his cheek and laying my head on his chest.
Now it all makes sense.
He isn’t the asshole he pretended to be.
He’s damaged.
Just like me.
Chapter Fifteen
Samantha
It’s been almost a month since Hunter opened up to me, since we decided that we wanted to try to make something out of this, and it’s been amazing. I have never had someone like Hunter in my life. He is always by my side, he’s my rock. I know that if everything is going shitty, that he will still be there. I used to laugh at the people that would fool themselves into thinking they could fall in love with someone in an instant, now I’m one of them. I love Hunter Stone.
I wouldn’t dare tell him this because I’m pretty sure he would go running for the hills. His cocky attitude is still there, but so is an amazing guy that I can’t get enough of. My mother has been in rare form since she found out about us, and by rare form I mean on a fucking war path. Hunter is always telling me that I just need to cut her out of my life but I can’t. She’s the only family that I have and as useless as it may be, I’m clinging to her hoping she will find a way to love me.
We have gotten a few more of the black roses and with each one, the fear builds inside of me. I can tell it’s putting a strain on Hunter too. He is absolutely petrified that something will happen to me. The other day at the airport, he made me go into the family restroom with him so that I wasn’t alone in the bathroom. While his intentions are honorable, his hovering is driving me crazy. I downplay my fear a lot for him because he is panicking enough for the both of us. I feel like wherever I go, someone is watching, waiting. It’s completely unnerving and stressful.
The tour is almost over and I couldn’t be more thankful. I love being able to be on stage and perform but I am absolutely exhausted. Plus, once the tour is over and I go home, the interaction with my mother will decrease and all of us will be better off. Hunter thinks I’m coming home with him at the end of all this but he is greatly mistaken. We don’t have a show tonight and are only a couple of hours from his friend Brian’s house; apparently there is a barbecue today and Hunter wants me to come with him.
Even though I met his friends before, it’s still unnerving to try to get ready and go over there. The first time Hunter and I weren’t really an item; I guess I just feel like I need their approval. I want them to like me because of how much I love him. Brian told Hunter that it was warm enough and they planned to go in the pool. When I grabbed my bathing suit, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. I mean, you would have thought that the man had never seen a bikini before. I won the battle because I didn’t own any suits that weren’t two pieces and I refused to go buy a one piece. I grab a sundress from my suitcase, slipping it on over the bathing suit.
When I walk out of the room, Hunter is sitting on the couch. He is wearing a navy t-shirt that hugs his arms, showing off the sculpted muscles he has. He also has on a black swim trunks with a white stripe down the side. “I’m ready,” I say with a smile in his direction.
“I’m not.” He grabs my hand, as he sulks out of the room like a child heading to timeout.
The ride isn’t bad, mainly because I end up taking a nap. The traveling, performing, and other media obligations have really taken a toll on me. Hunter wakes me by gently rubbing my arm. I look up to see the house and stretch, trying to bring feeling back to my limbs. We walk straight into the backyard and find everyone hanging out on the porch.
“Sam!” Jules shouts, as she runs over to me. She is holding a margarita glass in her hand and I can’t help but laugh. “Hunter, I am taking Sam on a trip to Margaritaville, see you in a little.”
“Damn Jules, you know it’s only like one o’clock in the afternoon, right?” He laughs as I’m dragged away from him.
“What’s your point? After dealing with you, I’m sure she needs like five of these.” She winks at him before we head into the house in a fit of giggles. I take a seat at her kitchen counter while she makes her way over to the blender. “So girl spill, how’s it been with the slug?”
I laugh at the nickname and how much Hunter says he hates it. “You know I called him that a few days ago and I thought his head might pop off.”
She shakes her head as her friend Lacey walks in from the front of the house. “How did I know not to even bother with the backyard, but my first instinct was to check the kitchen?”
“Because you’re my soul sista, and you know I like to let loose given the occasion.”
“What’s the occasion?” I ask, hoping that it isn’t anyone’s birthday and I don’t look like a jerk for not knowing.
Lacey and Jules look at each other. “Um, it’s Saturday,” They both say, laughing at their identical response.
I really like these girls. Growing up in the business I did, it was hard to find friends that weren’t in it to get something from you.
“Nice distraction Sam, but I still want to know how our favorite man whore is doing.”
Jules passes me a margarita as her and Lacey take their seats across from me. I take a sip of the drink, needing the liquid courage. “It’s actually been going great. He is so amazing.” It isn’t lost on me that I sound like a love struck teenager gushing about her crush. I haven’t had anyone to talk to about Hunter and I’m taking advantage. “He is always by my side and he does the most thoughtful things for me. The other night I had a really rough day and when we got back to the room, I immediately jumped in the shower. I came out and he had candles lit all over the room. He spent almost an hour giving me a massage with the oil he had bought. It was so incredible. He has opened up to me and I’ve told him things I never tell anyone. I’ve never known anyone like him.” They are both staring at me, mouths hanging open. “What?”
“Holy shit. I can’t believe the slug is in love,” Lacey blurts out.
Jules nods her head in agreement. “Never thought I would see the day. Honestly, I thought his dick would fall off before he stopped sleeping with randoms.” I grimace at the mention of him having sex with other girls. I’m more than aware of his past sexcapades but hearing and talking about them is not something I want. “Shit, sorry. I’m already a margarita deep and my common sense is the first thing to go.”
“It’s okay. I don’t think he loves me, though. It’s too soon.” I try to cover up the disappointment in my voice as I say he doesn’t share my feelings.
“Girl, Brian and I knew each other for a week before I knew he was it for me. We faced obstacles, and were apart for years, but none of it mattered. Love isn’t something that works on a clock. It’s either there or it isn’t. You can’t force it, you can’t wish it, you can only feel it. Once you do, it will take a hold of you and never let go.”
I try to absorb what she is saying. I know how I feel about Hunter but I can’t let myself think he loves me until I hear it from him. It will only get my hopes up. I nod my head, taking another long drink of my margarita.