“If you want to give her a fighting chance,” Peter says. “She has to go now. In a few more hours she won’t last fifteen minutes.”
A fighting chance.
Did I want to give her a fighting chance? Did they give Abe a chance?
My answer was that I would.
For a moment that morning, I lost who I was. Whether or not they were deadly, I took two human lives and was facing that guilt. Her death would not be at my hands, and I could mentally deal with setting her out into the wilderness if I gave her a fighting chance.
I packed a backpack with rations and water. In that bag was a Mylar blanket, matches, and hand warmers.
We had six arctic suits and I gave her one along with a good strong hand held spot light.
“Are we putting on the perimeter lights?” Peter asked.
“No. I don’t want to light up the world for everyone to see. She has the spotlight, she can make it,” I said. I believed that.
Tony and I didn’t don full arctic gear, but we wore the coats as we escorted her up to the bay.
Luke came with us and we covered him in a thermal blanket
We debated on letting him see his mother leave. But Clarisse wanted to have a last goodbye with her son before she walked out the door into the black cold abyss.
The mother in me could not deny that.
Did I feel guilty? Yes. I struggled with the decision. I actually did.
“This is insane,” Tony whispered to me. “You saw what they did. I would have just taken her out as is.”
“Wasn’t there enough death today?”
Clarisse was calm and knew she had to leave. She didn’t fight it and she showed no fear.
“If I survive this,” she said. “I want to come back for my son. I’ll stand at the gate until you see me.”
I didn’t answer her, but I was certain my eyes conveyed that I understood.
The door was still closed, she had all she needed and before covering her face, she kneeled down to be at her son’s level.
Luke grabbed on to her. “Don’t go.”
“I have to.” She said. “Mommy did something bad.”
“Please. Please. Don’t leave.” He cried.
“I have to. I’ll be back. I will. I love you. I love you so much. Everything I did, I did so you will live. This… is so you’ll live.”
He shook his head, clutching to her.
“Baby, let go.” She removed his arms. “Mommy has to leave.”
Clarisse had to pry his arms from her and she didn’t make eye contact with me during her goodbye. I suppose she didn’t want me to think she was trying to change our minds.
She had accepted her fate.
I truly felt bad for the boy.
“Cover your face and lower the goggles.” Tony told her. “The cold will burn your eyes, they’ll water and the tears will freeze.”
She did as instructed.
Luke sobbed loudly once more.
Tony reached for the door. “Anna, hold your breath, cover the boy and move him back.”
I wrapped Luke tighter in the blanket and inched him back from the blast of cold air that I knew would come in.
Tony undid the locks.
He looked at me and opened the door.
I was holding my breath, but even in the coat I could feel the cold air.
Clarisse looked over her shoulder at Luke, and after adjusting the bag over her shoulder she turned on the spotlight and stepped into the darkness.
It consumed her and the light almost immediately.
Tony pushed on the door, but before it latched and closed, Luke cried out a screaming, “Mommy”” and took off out the door after her.
He left the blanket behind and a state of panic hit me.
He was a child, a small child.
He vanished into the blackness. How scared would he be? Driven by the bravery to be with his mother, the child ran out without thinking.
He would drown in that sea of dark, frigid air.
“Oh my God.” I grabbed the radio. “Pete hit the perimeter lights now!”
“What are you doing?” Tony asked.
I started to hyperventilate, and within seconds the huge spotlights outside lit up and brightened a wide area.
It was something we didn’t want to do. The glow of it would send a smoke signal. But it had to be done.
And I was grateful I made that choice.
Clarisse never knew her son followed her. She had veered left and the child ran straight.
Without a coat he was a good thirty feet from his mother, in the dark he would had never seen her.
When the lights came on, Clarisse stopped.
I raced out despite Tony’s warning, and ran to the child.
The cold air caused a stabbing pain in my bronchial tube, I was afraid to breathe, but in the few seconds, the child, without a coat, was on the frozen ground.
When I arrived at the boy, he was already frosted over. Again, I panicked. I had to get him back in and fast. I saw Clarisse running our way and just as I shucked my coat in a rush from my shoulders, another coat landed over the child and Tony swept Luke into his arms, spun, didn’t say anything, and raced back to the bunker.
It was a freezing cold, like I had never felt. A ‘to the bone’ cold and I pulled my jacket back on, slipped a little on the ground as I stood and headed to the bunker.
In my route, I passed Clarisse and stopped.
Her goggles were off and she stared at me desperately. Her eyelashes were frozen over and I could feel mine doing the same.
She was a mother fearing for her son. And whether she was a good person or bad, I understood her worry. I really did.
The lights went back off as soon as I hit the open bunker doors. I could only assume, Peter was watching. I walked in and shut the door. I was still cold. A cold that had reached my bones and I was only outside for a few minutes. Survival, in my opinion, was not an option if left exposed. It was flat out impossible.
I headed down the long haul of stairs to the main fail safe door and Tony approached as soon as I emerged on the walkway that connected the two hives.
“Anna.” He spoke firmly yet calmly.“You are a good person, you really are, and I understand why you did that. But you lit us up like the Madison Square Garden Christmas tree. Anyone even remotely close saw that.”
“No one is out there, Tony. It’s too cold.”
“It was a crazy thing to do. I know the boy ran out. It crushed me when I saw it too. But he wanted his mother. It was insane Anna, you could have died. I wanted to kill you for that choice.”
“Yeah, well, if you wanted to kill me over that choice. I guess I’m a goner over this one.”
“What are you talking about?”
I stepped back and reached into the stairwell, waved my hand, and Clarisse emerged.
Tony looked at me and then walked away.
40 – BEING HUMAN
Because he was unprotected by the elements, and the temperature was severely low, Luke suffered immediately form hypothermia. He was being monitored and treated in the medical room. Of course, he had an IV.
I placed Ben as guard on the door, while Clarisse sat with her son. I was prepared for the backlash. Ben didn’t say much; just that it was my decision.
“Are you one of those bleeding hearts?” asked Nelly. She griped and complained but then, like Ben, said it was my choice.
Melissa understood. She even stated such. If there were more than one remaining, she would disagree, but it was just the one woman. How much damage could she do?
Tom wholeheartedly disagreed with that. We were merely guessing that there weren’t any more people at the fire hall. We didn’t know for sure. He wasn’t trusting her. Why would he?
Craig and Skyler pretty much mirrored each other in opinions. Stating ‘what’s done is done’, and ‘you can’t send her out there now’.
“You could,” said Duke. “But since you’re being humane, then you don’t. We place her under lock and watch. What else can we do?”