Peter said to give her a pair of gloves and a bucket and put her on clean up.
I agreed to that and I agreed to locking her up.
Anything to keep the peace because I knew the others weren’t happy with my decision.
Tony on the other hand, avoided me.
I hated that we were once again at odds.
Tony had taken over the little office next to Peter. He didn’t go there to work as much as he went there to hide out from everyone.
Since the Clarisse incident, he had been busy cleaning, despite Craig telling him to take it easy with his facial injuries.
When I knew he was in that office, I cornered him.
“This relationship won’t work,” I said as I entered. “If we keep fighting. It’ll be a long haul.”
“We aren’t fighting.” Tony kicked back at the desk chair. “And this relationship has no choice but to work. We have years to work on it.”
“You’re mad at me.”
“Nope.” He shook his head. “Just trying to understand your reasoning”
“Tony, if you would have seen her face. How desperate she looked.”
“She was cold.”
“It was her son that was injured.”
“If she was so worried about her son she wouldn’t have joined the others.” He leaned forward.
“She did what she did out of desperation. She wanted to make sure he survived.”
“Then she should have asked for our help.”
“Why are you countering everything I say?”
“Why are you defending her?”
I growled.
“Look, here’s the deal.” Tony walked round the desk. “We as a community all agreed to kick her out. You brought her back in. What does that say to us about how you feel about what we want?”
“You’re right.”
“I know.” He stepped to me. “But what’s done is done.”
“I keep hearing that.”
“What else do you want everyone to say? Just stick to your guns about kicking her out when the temperatures are tolerable.”
“I will. I promise.” I held up my hand.
“Now,” He pulled me closer. “How are you?”
“Me? I’m fine.”
“Are you? Because you dealt with a lot today. Things that you typically wouldn’t have to deal with.”
“I know. I’m fine for now. What about you?”
“Well my face hurts and my ego is bruised,” Tony said.
“You’re ego is bruised?”
“Uh, yeah. I did this shit for a living. Yet, part of my rescue team, was a five year old, an old woman, an aging sick cop and Peter. Peter?” He grunted. “Of all people.”
“Peter is a nice man.”
“Yes, everyone is well aware of how nice you think Peter is.”
“You didn’t mention me in your wild rescue crew list.”
“That’s because I’m not surprised. You rise to the occasion Anna.”
“Thank you.”
“Sometimes, you rise and miss the occasion,” he said with sarcasm.
“What do you mean?”
“You get your own agenda in your head. Like when we drove out here. No problem,” Tony waved out his hand. “Come on everybody, hop on in, we’re going to a survival shelter, plenty of room.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. I felt him dart a quick kiss to my lips.
“And on that note,” He squeezed my hand, and placed his lips to my cheek. “Back to work. And… thank you. Thank you for today.” He walked by me to the door.
“Tony.” I reached back and grabbed his hand. “I’ll get better with my choices.”
“Nah. If you did that, just think of how boring things would be.” He opened the door and left.
At first I smiled at his words, but then after a minute, I descended into a metal debate on whether or not he had just complimented my decisions or insulted them. Knowing Tony, I decided to wager on the latter.
Cleaning up took most of the day and into the evening. My room was still not done, and it was the worst. It had the most blood and it would need to be redone.
Tony offered for me to stay with him and Joie, but I declined. There were plenty of rooms available. Although no matter how much we tried, we couldn’t get it very warm in the shelter. It was going to be a long, cold, night. Plus, Tony needed that time alone with Joie. For as tough as she projected to be, Joie had a rough day.
We all did.
I should have been tired but I wasn’t.
Craig and Skyler decided to take on the task of caring for Angel and like everyone else, they were going to bed early.
It was quiet. Tom was working the night shift in the switch room. He was an option to visit if I could just calm down.
Problem for me was, with the quiet of the night came the thoughts and suddenly my mind raced with everything that had happened earlier in the day.
My plan was to go down to the lower level, kick up a fire in the portable fireplace, since no one would see the smoke signal, sip on some wine and just reflect.
Someone else had the same idea.
I spotted the orange glow when I walked in.
Spencer was sitting on one of the couches holding a mug and staring into the fire.
“I’m sorry. Am I interrupting?” I asked.
Being funny, he looked left to right. “Nope. Have a seat. The fire will burn another hour. Enjoy.”
I walked over and sat next to him, turning my body his way to have a face to face conversation.
“What brings you down here?”I asked.
“Reflection.”
“Me, too. Seems we had the same idea.”
He reached over and patted my leg. “How are you?”
I glanced down to my drink. “It’s hitting me.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“I don’t understand what I’m feeling,” I said to him. “I’m afraid to tell Tony.”
“What is it?”
“I feel guilty. Horribly guilty. I feel like I’m in a bad dream and I have this overwhelming feeling of bad. That I did something bad.”
“From taking a life?”
I nodded.
Spencer tightened his lips. “Why wouldn’t you tell Tony that?”
“He’s proud of what I did today.”
“He’s proud of how you reacted.”
“I took two lives today,” I said. “I can’t process all this death. I can’t. And I know what they did and how they acted, and I know their intentions, but no matter what, I still…” I choked on the words. “Killed two men. I can’t forgive myself for that.”
“You will. Eventually, you will.”
“You were a cop. This probably sounds silly to you.”
“Are you kidding me?” Spencer asked. “Anna, it doesn’t matter how many times you fire a gun at someone, you feel it. It bothers you. It bothered me today. Maybe I could have just injured her. We can second guess all we want, but the bottom line is, you feel the way you feel because you are human.”
“But even now, in this new world?”
“Right now, in this new world, it’s even more important not to lose that. You hear me? You make the decisions based on the good of humanity. That’s what makes you the person you are.”
I whispered a thank you and took a sip of my wine. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“You don’t have to tell me. But… why did you want to stay behind and die when the comet was coming?”
Spencer’s first reaction was a heavy exhale.
“You changed your mind.”
“I didn’t want to die, Anna. No one does. And I still feel bad for coming here.”
“Why?”
“For the same reason I wanted to watch it all end. I don’t want to be a bother.”
“Spencer, you are not a bother.”
He paused, then very seriously looked at me. “I’m sick, Anna.”