I turn off my computer and put the chair back in position, clean and neat for the next person who occupies this space. I make my way to the doorframe to take one last look at the room when I see something poke out from under the desk. I bend down on the ground and slide out the beautiful black umbrella with its white pearl handle.
I buried it under there for a reason. Subconsciously afraid to acknowledge what it meant. Afraid of what was happening and knowing I had no control to stop it.
The umbrella has a weight to it I hadn’t noticed before. I grab it and hold it, reliving that day we met in the rain. My life would have turned out differently if we hadn’t met under those circumstances. If the train had arrived on time or if it hadn’t been raining, I would have been at the office on time. Asher and I would have met like a typical boss and colleague. He never would have acted the way he did toward me, and our conversations moving forward wouldn’t have been so heated.
If just one thing had gone otherwise that morning, my life would have turned out much differently. The weight of the umbrella feels unbearable.
What I cannot understand, and I tried to figure out all last night, is how on earth Asher didn’t know I had a son. Malory knows about him. She’s mentioned him quite a few times since I’ve worked here. Have my conversations with Asher been so aloof that I never spoke to him about Jackson?
Freud would have a field day with this. Some people believe there are no accidents; each of our actions has a purpose. In this case, I don’t remember a single moment I purposefully did not mention my son.
I also wonder, had I mentioned Jackson at anytime, would the outcome have been any different? I honestly don’t know.
Grabbing the pearl handle, I head down to reception where I can see my redhead.
“Hey, Kat.” Trish is seated behind the desk, her usual boisterous self deflated. “Shame there are no flowers today.”
She’s a sweet thing. I’m going to miss her. “It is a shame. Gonna miss them, huh?”
“Yeah.” She smiles coyly. “Well, come to think of it, they were getting a bit out of hand. And the smell was starting to give me a headache.” She scrunches her nose and wiggles her head.
I smile. “Yes, they were out of hand. Perhaps now Mr. Asher will put his money to better use.”
Trish nods in agreement. “Listen, Kat, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something…” She pauses mid-thought to answer the phone. I place my ID badge and office keys on the counter. Her face shoots up and her mouth fumbles as she talks to the caller on the other end. “No, sir, she hasn’t… Yes, she’s standing right in front of me… I’ll send her right up.” Trish hangs up the phone. “Mr. Asher needs to see you immediately.” Her voice is stern.
I wasn’t planning on facing Asher today, or ever again for that matter. “Call him back and tell him I already left.”
“No way. I already told him you were here. And he called down here personally. My ass is grass if you don’t go up there, and you know it.”
I let out a deep breath from deep inside my gut and surrender. She’s right.
“I’ll be right back.” I step away and take the elevator up to face him. What do I say to him? What does he want to know? Surely he hates me, and I can’t blame him.
The elevator stops on the floor and as the doors open, I can already hear his voice. “Where is she? Is she on her way up?” He’s standing at the reception desk next to Cecilia. I take a step toward them.
“Kathryn.” His resolve quickly morphs from exasperated to steel. He’s wearing his favorite black suit and looks the epitome of control except for how his collar is bunched up at the back of his neck. He looks back at Cecelia and decides we don’t need an audience. He opens his office door and directs me, “In.”
I comply and walk into his office but stop not far beyond the door. No sooner does he close the door behind us then I am immediately overwhelmed with emotion.
Keep it together, Kat.
I try to look around the room. There is the bar and the fancy TV screens. I see the small conference table, the seating area, and the wall where the Crux Gemmata is displayed beautifully. I take another look at the artwork. Its gemstones of emerald, gold, and sapphire pierce my brain, and I’m reminded of the awful mess I’ve made. My beautiful blue-eyed husband and this golden god and everything they’ve done to my life. My alpha and omega.
Focusing on the art, I use it as a distraction not to look over at him. My head is craned so far to the right as I feel him moving around me, circling like a hunter on its prey.
I let out a deep breath and turn slowly toward him. I open my mouth to speak, but there are no words.
Deep, dark circles line his eyes. “You’re leaving?” he asks.
“I have to.” I close my eyes. I didn’t think seeing him would be painful. “I hurt you, Asher. I hurt a lot of people.”
“You lied to me.” His jaws are clenched, but his voice sounds pained. “I bared my soul to you. I told you things I never shared with anyone, yet you held back the most important piece of you.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmur. “I promise you will never have to see me again.”
Asher flinches like my words hit him with an iron brick. He closes the gap between us, his head bent down, looking right into my eyes. “Did you mean what you wrote me in the note?”
I look at him, confused.
“You wrote, ‘You make my life make sense.’ I’ve kept it my pocket since you gave it to me.” He looks down and pulls the note out of his pocket. There it is in his hand, that Asher stationary I sent him with the bottle of intoxicating cologne. The words were a cute play on the gift. They didn’t mean anything at the time. Not to me at least. Not then.
My bottom lip trembles. “I don’t know what makes sense anymore, Alex.”
He smiles at my use of his first name. That’s our way of knowing we’re okay.
Looking down at my hand, Asher notices the umbrella. I hand it over to him. “Part of the no-gift policy,” I say with a shy smile. He knows better than to argue with me over this. He takes the pearl handle and places the umbrella on the floor by the door. If I didn’t know him so well, I would miss the wounded expression that creeps across his face.
He looks back at me. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a son?”
I shrug my shoulders. It’s the question I’ve been asking myself all weekend. As confused as I am about why he never knew, the truth is once he found out I had a son, he freaked out. That is the type of man he is. He wants no strings attached. Fooling around with a married woman was the perfect situation. But throw in a child and you change the game. That is a major string. He reacted just like I thought he would.
Confused and ashamed, I turn my body and start to head toward the door, when a strong hand lands on my shoulder and forces me back around. My body swivels around and into him, landing on his hard chest and staring up into the unwavering eyes of Alexander Asher.
“I never thought I’d find someone like you,” he says. I draw my hand up to his lips to stop him from speaking, but he grabs my finger and pulls it away. “No, Kat, I’ve been thinking about you a lot. I don’t know what is going on with you, with us…” He pauses. “But I can’t lose you.”
His hand holds tight to my cheek, and I try to gently pull away. “I was never yours to lose.” The words are as painful coming off my tongue as they are for him to hear.
He closes his eyes tightly and shakes his head. “No. I need you. I told you that. I need you, any way I can get you.” He opens his eyes and stares through my soul. Full lips so close to mine. I remind myself I can’t lose myself in him again. His words are surprising. I thought he’d be disgusted by me. I thought he’d need me gone. Instead, he’s asking for me any way he can get me.
I step away from his hold and back up a few feet. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“You can’t quit. I have you under contract.”
Two more weeks of this? It will be difficult to look at him every day. It will be too much to look at Erik, Malory, and Heather. I can’t bear the rumors.