“A new bathroom?” said Harriet as we emerged through the pet flap. “I thought Gran said they’re building a spa resort?”
“You need plenty of bathrooms in those resorts,” said Brutus. “To wash off the mud from those mud baths and the sweat from those saunas. I’ll bet this is just the first of many more.” He shrugged. “You have to start somewhere.”
It sounded reasonable enough, and since we were all pretty tired from the emotional rollercoaster we’d been through, we followed Odelia and Marge through the opening in the hedge, into the house, up the stairs, into Gran’s room, where we all settled ourselves on the old lady’s bed and were soon fast asleep.
CHAPTER 13
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At some point Odelia joined us, and I must say we spent a fair time taking a well-deserved nap… until a loud voice awoke us. It seemed to come from somewhere nearby, and even though I didn’t immediately recognize the voice, it was clear that Odelia did, for she groaned and said, “Oh, God, not again.”
It was, of course, one of the guests of her Airbnb, namely Janine Boggle, inquiring loudly where her landlady had gone off to or words to that effect.
Odelia walked out of the room on her tippy toes, careful not to disturb us, and moments later I could hear her converse with her esteemed guest on the landing.
“Oh, there you are.”
“I was just—“
“I wanted to talk to you about meal arrangements.”
“Yes?”
“Well, the thing is that both John and I are very particular where our meals are concerned. As it is, we’re vegetarians, and also we don’t do dairy or gluten or anything that contains glutamate. So what did you have in mind for dinner?”
“Um, well, I have to admit I haven’t, um…”
“Cause I was thinking about something simple yet hearty. Like perhaps a vegetarian wellington? Or enchiladas? Or penne with avocado? Oh, you know what would be great? Butternut squash and sage risotto. What do you think?”
“That… sounds like a good idea.”
“Great. That’s settled then. What time can we expect to sit down for dinner?”
“Oh, you mean I’m the one who—“
“I was thinking six o’clock. John and I are very particular about mealtimes. We think it’s important to train one’s digestive system to adhere to a strict regimen. So let’s settle on six o’clock, shall we? And let’s do lunch at twelve sharp. We like a light lunch—something simple like bean and halloumi stew.”
“Hallou—”
“And while we’re on the subject, we always breakfast at nine. I was thinking carrot cake porridge for me and fried egg Florentine toasties for John—whole-grain only, of course, and preferably spelt, if you can get it, einkorn if not.”
“Ein…”
“Thanks ever so much, Amelia.”
“It’s actually Ode—“
“And don’t forget about those beddings. It’s important that John gets a good night’s sleep. He’s a very important man with a lot of important things to do.”
The creaking of the stairs told us Janine had delivered her list of demands and was exiting the scene. Moments later Odelia entered the bedroom, and wordlessly dropped down on the bed. She looked a little shell-shocked, I had to say. And she’d only been lying there for about five seconds when she bounced up again, muttering something about having to do some shopping. And then she was off.
“It sure isn’t easy being in charge of an Airbnb,” Brutus remarked.
“No, it’s certainly a full-time job,” I agreed.
“So if an Airbnb is a bed and breakfast in the air, why is it in our house?” asked Dooley.
“How can a bed and breakfast be in the air, Dooley?” said Harriet.
“I don’t know. I just pictured it like a hotel floating in the sky.”
We all smiled at the quaint image Dooley had pictured, but then reality sunk in again.“I don’t like to say this, you guys,” said Brutus, “but I’m afraid we’re all going to have to start looking for a new home.”
“I’m afraid you’re right,” I said.
“With Odelia’s place infested with guests and dogs, and Marge and Tex turning their home into a spa resort, it’s obvious we’ve outstayed our welcome here.”
“I hate to agree with you, Brutus, but when you’re right, you’re right.”
“But I don’t want to go,” said Dooley. “I like it here. It’s our home.”
“Not anymore, it’s not,” said Harriet sadly. “Now it’s the Boggles’ home.”
We all took a moment to let that sink in. It was a sobering thought. Then Brutus said,“Let’s not fret, my friends. We had a good run, but it was going to end sooner or later. So let’s simply approach this situation in a rational way. I’ll bet there are plenty of places we can go.”
“We could go and live with Uncle Alec,” I suggested. “Or Charlene.”
We’d spent some time with Charlene Butterwick, Alec’s girlfriend, and even though she’s not used to hosting cats, she’d still welcomed us into her home and had done her utmost to provide us with everything a grown cat needs.
“I like Charlene,” said Harriet. “Uncle Alec, too, but his place is a mess.”
“Bachelors,” Brutus grunted, as if he was an expert on the subject, which perhaps he was, since he’d briefly stayed with Uncle Alec, back when Chase was still living with Odelia’s uncle.
“Okay, so Charlene it is,” I said. “So when do you propose we move in with her?”
“The sooner the better,” said Brutus. “It’s obvious that this place is about to turn into a building site, which will make our lives a living hell, and Odelia’s house is already a disaster zone.”
“It is,” I said sadly. “It really is.”
Just then, as if to spur us into action, somewhere nearby Grace opened her pipes again, and was wailing away to her heart’s content, possibly expressing an urgent desire to be fed, or else she’d managed to fill up her diaper once more.
“It’s an odd thing about babies, isn’t it, Max?” said Dooley. “Either they’re eating, or they’re pooping, or both. Isn’t there anything else they can do?”
“You mean like tricks or something?” said Brutus with a grin. “Babies aren’t circus artists, Dooley, didn’t you know?”
“No, I mean, they have a very limited range, don’t they?”
This made Brutus laugh even louder.“Limited range! Like second-rate actors!”
“So when are we making the move to Charlene’s place?” asked Harriet, who was grooming her shiny white fur. “Or do you think we should give the Pooles another day to get their act together and remember that they have a responsibility toward their cats?”
“We could give them until tomorrow,” I said.
“You mean like a multitatum?” asked Dooley.
“An ultimatum, yes. This whole business with the Boggles obviously took Odelia by surprise. She probably hadn’t expected them to be so demanding.”
“Paying guests are always demanding,” said Harriet. “They expect the very best, and if they don’t get it they will leave a scathing review on Welp.”
“Yelp,” I corrected her.
“That’s what I said.”
“I think Airbnb has its own review system. No Yelp involved.”
“Okay, so let’s give them until tomorrow,” said Brutus. “But if things don’t improve within the next twenty-four hours, we’re out of here—agreed?”
“Agreed,” I said, with a touch of reluctance, for I like the Pooles—they’re our family. Then again, Charlene is also family, and she probably wouldn’t dream of turning her home into an Airbnb or a spa resort.
“I like Charlene,” said Harriet. “She’s very classy, like me.”
“I also agree,” said Dooley, “but only if I can watch the Discovery Channel in Charlene’s place. Do you think she has a TV? I don’t remember.”
“Of course she has a TV,” said Harriet. “I’ll bet she has the latest model.”