“I don’t think you should have done that, Jer,” said Johnny. “God doesn’t like it when you knock out his priests.”
“God doesn’t like it when his people are imprisoned for no good reason,” Jerry countered. “Now help me undress them, and be quick about it.”
Within moments, both men had been stripped of their outer garments and tucked onto the metal bunks and covered with state-issued threadbare brown blankets.
“How do I look?” asked Johnny as he showcased his snazzy new outfit.
“Perfect fit, just like I thought,” said Jerry, well pleased as he inspected himself.
Being dragged from the street into the paddy wagon and straight into the police station holding tank had soiled their own outfits to a certain extent. But even before that, since they were on a budget, and they’d been forced to return the money stolen from Capital First Bank, they’d never been able to splurge on these kinds of super-duper suits.
“Now for the next part,” he said, and took a deep breath. “Let me do the talking.”
“Okay, Jer,” said Johnny.
“I mean, not a peep, okay?”
“Sure, Jer.” The big guy glanced at the two elders. “Are you sure they didn’t suffer?”
“Nothing that two ibuprofen won’t fix,” grunted Jerry, then hollered, “We’re ready in here, officer!”
A young officer came ambling up, noticed the two inert figures tucked into bed and grinned. “You managed to sermon them to sleep, did you? Good job.”
“They are contemplating their evil deeds,” said Jerry, adopting Elder Thaddeus’s high reedy voice and holding his Bible in front of his face, as did Johnny. “Thinking hard about their sins and possible redemption.”
The sound of a key turning in a lock and the iron door swinging open was like music to his ears.
Vesta and Scarlett were celebrating the latest win for their neighborhood watch seated outside Pier’s Pont, the popular bar in downtown Hampton Cove.
“The watch is quickly becoming a force to be reckoned with,” said Vesta. “Pretty soon now Alec will have to admit we can’t be ignored.”
“Yeah, we did great,” said Scarlett as she checked her look in a small pocket mirror. And as she did, she couldn’t help but notice how Vesta’s son and Mayor Butterwick were seated only a couple of tables back, talking with Dan Goory.
“Don’t look now, but Alec and his girlfriend are chatting with Dan Goory,” she whispered.
Of course Vesta had to glance over, though she did manage to be discreet about it.
“Probably talking about the article on Dan’s website,” said Vesta, lowering her voice and darting occasional glances at her son over Scarlett’s left shoulder.
“What article?” asked Scarlett, who didn’t read the Gazette. Or any other newspaper for that matter.
“They were both caught playing hooky. Skipping work so they could spend a late lunch together. I could have told Alec that if he wanted to do some canoodling to do it either at his place or hers. Though he probably wouldn’t listen,” she added with a mother’s proper pique. “That’s kids for you. Always getting themselves in trouble.”
“Canoodling? You mean they were…”
“Nah. They kept it strictly PC, but some sourpuss still took offense and snapped a couple of shots on a smartphone and sent them to Dan, who published it on his website, the jerk. As if public servants aren’t entitled to enjoying a proper love affair.”
“Do you think Alec and Charlene will get married?”
Vesta shrugged. “Kids these days don’t get married anymore, honey. Not like in our day. They hook up, move in together, and that’s it. No muss, no fuss. Too bad, I say. I like a nice wedding.”
“I think they make a great couple,” said Scarlett, glancing surreptitiously over her shoulder. “I hope they stick it out.”
“I think they will. It takes more than an amateur paparazzo to break up that band.”
And as Vesta smiled a rare smile at the thought of her one and only son finally finding love again, suddenly she thought she saw two familiar figures walking across the street. They were both dressed to the nines, only something wasn’t quite right about them.
And then she got it.
“Hey!” she said, getting up. “It’s those two crooks! They’re getting away!”
Her shouts hadn’t missed their effect: Alec was also looking in the direction she was pointing, and so were Charlene and Dan Goory.
Johnny and Jerry, for that’s who they were, must have discovered they’d been discovered, for they broke into a frantic run.
Alec went in pursuit, stomping across the street, and so did Charlene and Dan, followed by Vesta and Scarlett. Scarlett, on her high heels, was last, and soon fell behind.
Vesta, who hadn’t run a race in forty years, was soon huffing and puffing, and had to give up. Her son, too, quickly lost his puff, due to his voluminous size, and supported himself against a parked pickup, sucking in breath by the cubic meter, red in the face.
Dan, on the other hand, was still going strong, his white beard flapping in the wind, but it was actually Charlene who was in pole position, and gaining on the two crooks. The robbery to which they’d subjected her clearly still rankled and she was determined to get her men.
Vesta watched the drama unfold from her position on the sidewalk, and even climbed a chair to get a better view.
Johnny was slowing down, while Jerry clearly suffered from a stitch in his side. What actually finished it for them, though, were Wilbur Vickery and Father Reilly stepping out of the General Store for a chat, and accidentally stepping into the fleeing duo’s flight path.
There was a big collision, and it was up to Charlene to identify the crooks in the tangle of arms and legs. Soon Johnny and Jerry had been duly arrested by Alec, still puffing like a cigarette smoker after his second pack of the day, and the race was run.
“You did it again!” Scarlett cried, finally catching up. “The neighborhood watch is on fire!”
“We did it,” Vesta corrected her friend. She grinned at Father Reilly and Wilbur. “If you guys hadn’t stepped out when you did, they might have gotten away.”
“We caught them,” said Father Reilly, checking his chassis for scuffs, scrapes or dents.
“Glad to be of assistance,” said Wilbur, gingerly touching his jaw where presumably one of the two gangsters had smashed into him.
“Now this is the kind of stuff you should be writing about,” said Charlene, addressing Dan, who was snapping a couple of shots of the neighborhood watch for his newspaper.
“I know, I know,” said Dan, looking a little rueful. “But you gotta admit it’s not a good look when the mayor and the chief of police spend their time fondling each other when they should be handling their workload.”
Charlene winced a little at the man’s words, then nodded. “Fine. You’ve made your point. Now can we leave this episode behind?”
“Less talk, more pictures!” Scarlett said.
And so Dan shot more pictures of the four neighborhood watch members who’d made all the difference and had caught the bad guys. Again!
Chapter 24
That evening, I was sitting in the window for a change. Yes, I know cats sitting in the window looking out into the street is a cliché, but I never said I was Mr. Original, did I? Besides, Dooley was also there, snoozing and enjoying a pleasant break from the excitement of before.
“I really thought it was a UFO, Max,” said my friend now. “It looked like a UFO, and it sounded like a UFO, so why wasn’t it a UFO?”
“Maybe the people who designed it are UFO fans,” I suggested. I didn’t care what it was, I was simply glad Odelia had gotten rid of it, and had promised us she’d never buy another. Which didn’t mean much, of course, as she hadn’t bought this one either.