We both shook our heads. “Nope,” I said.
Gran’s lips tightened into an expression of disapproval. “They promised me it would arrive today.”
“But you already had two packages today,” I reminded her.
“So? Three’s the charm. This third package is the bee’s knees. The absolute cream of the crop. It’s a…” She hesitated, taking in our curious expressions. Then she shook her head. “I’d better not tell you. This is for adults only.”
“But we are adults,” said Dooley. “I’m four, which in human years is…” He thought hard, but finally had to give up.
“You’re still too young,” said Gran. “I don’t want to spoil your innocence. Odelia would never forgive me. Which reminds me—when a new package arrives, can you let me know right away? Odelia doesn’t even have to know about it.”
“Sure,” I said. “We’ll be your eyes and ears, Gran.”
She smiled. “I will make it worth your while.” She opened a desk drawer and took out a small packet of Cat Snax, tore it open and distributed its contents on the floor.
“Oh, gee, Gran!” I cried, digging in with relish. “How did you know these are my favorite?!”
Her smile widened. “Grandmothers know these things, Max. And if you keep me informed about the UPS guy arriving, there’s a lot more where this came from.”
“But he’s not supposed to,” said Dooley. “Max, you’re not supposed to. You’re on a diet.”
“Diet schmiet,” said Gran. “You only live once, Max. So you better enjoy it while you can.”
“My kind of woman,” I said, swallowing down some more of the tasty treats.
“But he’s too fat!” Dooley cried. “Vena said he’s going to get heart ar—arithmetic.”
“Arrhythmia?” asked Gran. “Don’t listen to doctors, Dooley. They’ll only try to scare you into giving up the best things in life. Take me for example. Tex has been telling me for years I shouldn’t drink coffee. That it’s bad for me. Well, no doctor in the world is going to make me give up coffee.” And to show us she meant business, she took a sip from her cup of coffee, slurping loudly and smacking her lips with relish. “You just enjoy your Cat Snax, Max,” she said, “and don’t let that nasty Vena take them away from you.”
I looked up, having devoured the entire packet. “Thanks, Gran. I think you just graduated to being my favorite person on the planet.”
“You can’t do that,” said Dooley, alarmed. “She’s my favorite person on the planet.”
“She can be both our favorite person on the planet,” I told him.
“She can?” he asked, surprised.
“Sure. There’s no limit on how many people’s favorite person you can be.”
“Oh, crap,” Gran suddenly said, looking up in alarm. When I saw Odelia peeking down at us from across the counter, I knew we were in trouble. Big trouble.
Chapter 16
“Max! Gran!” Odelia didn’t know who she should be mad at more: Gran for providing Max with these sugary snacks that would ruin his diet, or Max for accepting and eating them.
“I was giving him what he needs,” said Gran snappishly. “You can’t expect him to subsist on such a crappy diet.”
“He’s too fat. He has to go on a diet,” she said. “If he doesn’t, he might get all kinds of diseases.”
“Says who?”
“Says Vena!”
Gran waved a deprecating hand. “Who listens to stupid doctors?”
“I do—you do—we all do!”
“Not me. Uh-uh. If I’d listened to your father I’d have stopped working a long time ago, and would be sitting at home crocheting. He seems to think that a woman my age has no business being out and about and enjoying life to the fullest.”
“That’s not true and you know it. Dad was the one who told you to work past your retirement. He said you’re way too active to sit at home and do nothing.”
“Look, Max is my baby and if I can’t even spoil my babies…”
Odelia’s eye fell on the copy of Donna Magazine. “Don’t tell me you’ve been ordering more of that Donna junk.” When her grandmother didn’t respond, she cried, “Gran!”
“What? I need this stuff. I need all of it!”
“You don’t need any of it. If Dad knew you’ve been ordering online again, he’d cut up his credit cards and make sure you never get near a computer again.”
“Well, he won’t know if you won’t tell him, will he?”
Just at that moment, the door to Dad’s office opened and Tex Poole himself walked out. Dad was a big and bluff man, well-liked and respected by the Hampton Cove community. He was also a great doctor. “What’s going on here?” he asked. “I thought a fight had broken out or something.”
“A fight has broken out,” Odelia assured him. “Gran has been giving Max Cat Snax.”
“Oh?” asked Dad. “And that’s bad because…”
“Because Max is on a diet. He’s not supposed to eat anything other than the diet kibble Vena has prescribed him.”
“Right,” Dad said. “Of course.” He wagged a dutiful finger in Gran’s face. “Only diet food from now on, Vesta. No more Cat Snax for Max.”
“But he loves his Cat Snax,” said Gran. “And look at him. He’s not fat. He’s just the right size for his body type.” To prove her point, she tried to pick Max up from the floor and deposit him on her desk. Unfortunately, the ginger cat proved too heavy and she couldn’t manage. “That doesn’t mean a thing,” she said defiantly.
Dad stepped into the breach and picked Max up and studied him. The way he was dangling from Dad’s large hands, his hind paws stretched out and his face a mask of annoyance, it appeared the ginger tabby wasn’t too happy to be handled like this.
“He is a bit on the heavy side,” Dad agreed. “And he could definitely use some more exercise.”
At this, Max’s eyes went wide. “Exercise?” he cried. “I don’t need no stinkin’ exercise!”
“Maybe you’re right, Dad,” said Odelia. “If he’s not going to follow his diet, maybe we should just make sure he’s more active. Maybe I should take him to the gym with me from now on. Make him run on the treadmill. A couple of miles a day would do the trick.”
“Not the treadmill!” Max cried. “I hate the treadmill!”
“They sell special cat treadmills nowadays,” said Dad. “It’s more like a big hamster wheel, built for cats, but it’ll do the trick.”
“But I’m not a hamster!” Max yelled, still dangling from Dad’s hands. “Please—I’ll be good. I won’t eat Cat Snax anymore. I’ll stick to my diet from now on.”
“Or maybe you could just take him for a walk every day,” Dad continued. “You could buy him one of those leashes—like the ones they use for dogs—and you walk him twice a day. That should take care of that excess weight.”
Odelia thought about this. “You know, Dad?” she finally said. “That might not be such a bad idea.”
“No! I’ll be good! I’ll eat that diet crap—I mean that diet food!”
“Or I could do both,” said Odelia. “I could feed him the diet kibble and take him for a walk every day.” She nodded, her mind made up. “It’s good for you, Max, and it will speed up your weight loss. Kickstart it.” She ignored the look of panic in the cat’s eyes. “And who knows, if you lose those pounds fast enough, I might even let you have some Cat Snax from time to time.”
“I just think you’re torturing the poor creature,” said Gran disdainfully.
“And as for you,” Odelia said, turning to her grandmother, “no more ordering stuff online. Is that understood?”
“Has she been ordering online again?” asked Dad, surprised.
“Loads of stuff. She’s been shipping it to my address.” Gran darted a quick look in Max’s direction and Odelia saw what was going on here. A secret alliance between cat and human. No more, though. She wasn’t going to condone this kind of subterfuge. “Dad, I think you better cancel your credit cards.”