“Talking to your cats again?” Chase asked, ambling up.
Odelia turned to him. “Of course I am. I’m crazy cat lady, remember?”
“You’re my lady,” he said huskily, and took her in an embrace. Smooching ensued, and cheers rang out from Odelia’s family. It was safe to say this burly cop was a big hit with the Poole clan.
Just then, a skinny, pimply UPS guy arrived in their midst, and asked, “Vesta Muffin? Who’s Vesta Muffin?”
“Oh, God. Not again,” Tex muttered.
“That’s me,” said Gran. “Right here, buddy.” She took reception of a small package and signed off on it. And then she went and handed it to… Marge. “Here you go, honey. This is for you.”
Marge gave her mother a look of surprise. “For me? Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am. And I even paid for it with my own money.”
Marge opened the package, and discovered it contained a pair of gold hoops. “Mom!”
Gran nodded. “Just my way of apologizing for all that hoopla with the bees.”
Mom wiped away a tear and took her mother in an embrace. “I love you, Mom.”
“And I love you, honey. Thanks for putting up with me all these years. I know it can’t have been easy.”
Us cats also wiped away tears. Humans. They can really surprise you sometimes.
And as the Pooles sat down for dinner, Marge showing off her gold hoops and Tex showing off his barbecue skills, Uncle Alec and Chase discussed the case and Gran… was carefully looking around, then, when she was sure no one was watching, took the box that had contained Marge’s hoops and retrieved it. And as she stalked off towards the house, I thought I could hear a definite buzzing sound coming from inside that box. When she saw four cats watching her every move, she pressed her finger to her lips. “Not a word, all right?” she whispered, and disappeared inside.
Humans. They’re completely bananas. Or is it beeneenees?
“So Dooley cracked this case, huh, Max?” asked Brutus. “And you slept right through it.”
I might have admitted this to Odelia but I wasn’t going to admit it to Brutus. “Dooley cracked this case but he had a lot of help from me,” I said therefore.
“Max is right,” said Dooley. “I could never have done it without him.”
“But you’re the one who discovered that telling bit about the bees, right?” Brutus insisted.
I saw where he was going with this. “Let me stop you right there, Brutus,” I said. “I was the one who taught Dooley how to surf the web, so technically I’m the one who discovered that clue.”
“Horse manure,” Brutus growled. “You admitted yourself you were passed out on the couch at the time while Dooley did all the heavy lifting. He’s the real hero here. Isn’t that right, Harriet?”
Harriet was otherwise engaged, though, as she sat staring out at the hedge at the end of the garden. “Mh?” she asked finally, when Brutus nudged her. “Oh, you’re right, smooching partner. Dooley solved this case. He won fair and square.”
“It wasn’t a contest,” Dooley muttered, eyeing me uncertainly. “You heard Odelia. We all worked together. Played our part. We’re a real team. Odelia’s fierce feline team.”
“But you played a bigger part than the rest of us,” Brutus said. “So you should get the credit.”
“Oh, I don’t know…”
Brutus slapped him on the back and Dooley hiccuped. “Sherlock Dooley. Got a nice ring to it.”
“I was just messing about online,” Dooley said nervously. “No biggie.”
“You made us all look good, buddy. Respect.”
“Thanks. I guess.”
“And you, Max, have completely lost your touch. I think it’s all that weight loss. It’s affected your brain. I knew this would happen.”
“You did?” I asked, wondering where he was going with this.
“Sure. You lose weight, you lose brain cells. And you, my friend, have lost so much weight you must have lost half of your brain. It’s a miracle you can still think straight. Quick, how much is nine divided by three?”
“T-three?”
He grinned at me. “You weren’t sure, were you? Admit it, Max. Your brain resembles a big chunk of cheese. Swiss cheese. With a big bunch of holes in it. More holes than cheese.”
I gulped, the vivid picture Brutus was painting affecting me powerfully. “You think?”
“Of course!” He shook his head sadly. “Good thing Dooley’s brain is as sharp as ever, or else Odelia would have to trade you in for a new model. Can’t have a cat sleuth with Swiss cheese for a brain.”
He was right, of course. I had been feeling a little weak lately. And after allowing Odelia to walk off into danger like that, it was obvious I was slipping and slipping badly.
“Don’t listen to him, Max,” said Dooley. “Your brain is fine.”
“But I have lost a lot of weight,” I said, gesturing at my flabby belly.
“Brains aren’t muscles,” Dooley said.
“Are you sure?”
He hesitated. “Reasonably.”
I shivered from head to toe. I could see my brain shrinking even more. Soon there would be nothing left!
“You know what I’ll do?” asked Brutus.
“What?”
“Just out of the goodness of my heart, mind you.”
“What is it?”
“From now on why don’t I assume a leadership role in this small outfit of ours?”
I found myself nodding even before he’d finished the sentence. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Dooley will be the brains of the operation—obviously. Harriet will be the pretty face. And I will run the outfit.”
“And me?” I asked in a feeble voice.
He eyed me sternly. “Why don’t I appoint you my assistant?”
“I would like that,” I said, still thinking about my cheesy brain. “But do you think I’m up to the task?”
“We’ll just have to wait and see,” he said. “Somehow I doubt it, Maxie baby, but I’m willing to take a chance on you. That’s the kind of cat I am. Kind-hearted and generous to a fault. Isn’t that right, babe?”
Harriet, still focused on the end of the garden, murmured her assent.
“What are you looking at, sweet cakes?” Brutus asked, annoyed now.
But Harriet didn’t respond. Instead, she jumped down from the swing and picked her way along the humans, who were all gathered around Doctor Tex, toasting his lovely wife Marge.
“What’s the matter with Harriet?” asked Dooley.
We followed Harriet with our eyes, and when she finally reached the hedge, she plunked down on her haunches and just sat there. At least, that’s what I thought. When I looked closer, I saw her lips were moving. She was talking to someone, and that someone was partially obscured by the boxwood hedge.
“Oh, my God,” said Dooley.
“What? What?!” Brutus cried.
“It’s… Diego.”
We all goggled at the scene, and when the orange cat finally emerged from the hedge, and rubbed noses with Harriet, we all gasped in shock.
Our mortal enemy Diego had returned.
“What do we do?” asked Dooley, panicking. “Brutus? What do we do?!”
But Brutus, our newly self-appointed leader, had been struck dumb. Finally, he turned to me. “Max!” he bleated like a sickly sheep. “What do we do?”
“But I thought you were our leader!”
“I can’t be the leader! This is Diego we’re talking about! And he’s stealing my woman! Again!”
“Well, I can’t be the leader. I have Swiss cheese for a brain!”
“I was just joshing you! Your brain is fine!”
“See?” asked Dooley. “Brains aren’t muscles. They’re… something else.”
A feeling of resolve stole over me as I regarded Diego, who’d casually draped a paw across Harriet’s shoulder and was looking more smug than ever. Then I said, “Winter is coming, fellas.”
“What does that even mean?!” Brutus cried, desperately shaking his paws.
I shrugged. “No idea. But it’s got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
Just then, Diego blew us a kiss, his face splitting into a particularly cheeky grin.