46. PURRFECT DOUBLE
Chapter 1
The Karat GroupÆs annual shareholdersÆ meeting didnÆt exactly go as planned. The shareholders were all there, and so was the chairman of the board, Diedrich Karat, but the star of the show was of course current CEO Cotton Karat. Or at least he should have been, as he was expected to lead the meeting and discuss both the groupÆs past yearÆs financial results as well as future expected earnings and projections. Instead, all he seemed interested in was to salivating over his new girlfriend, the delectable Ebony Pilay.
Many a shareholder, from the lowliest ones, with only a few Karat Group shares in their investment portfolio, to the biggest specimens, proud to own a large chunk of the company, was stunned as the meeting progressed, and the groupÆs current leader couldnÆt keep his eyes or his hands off his supermodel girlfriend. The fact alone that heÆd placed her center stage for this all-important event was a blatant departure from tradition.
As far as the collected shareholders, and the denizens of the financial press were aware, Ebony Pilay, though a well-known fashion model, owned no Karat Group shares, nor did she play any part in the groupÆs organizational structure. She wasnÆt a CEO, CFO, COO or any of the other acronyms one often sees bandied about in theWall Street Journal. Her only claim to that most coveted position next to the CEO was that she was his girlfriend. And Cotton Karat, the third scion of the Karat family to lead the luxury goods group, made sure no one could forget it. Lovey-dovey was one way to describe the scene.
It led to several members of the press corps to titter without inhibition, which was a strange spectacle to be sure. Usually the dreariest of journos, absolutely devoid of a sense of humor, and only perking up when being asked to write about interest rates or the price-to-earnings ratio, they now behaved as if they were all writing for theNational Enquirer, ears red and eyes glittering with glee at this awful train wreck in progress.
Diedrich Karat, CottonÆs dad and the groupÆs previous CEO, looked as if he was barely hanging on to his equanimity. HeÆd already engaged in a bout of furious whisperings with the groupÆs legal advisor Tobias Pushman, but what could they do? They couldnÆt berate Cotton in public, or frogmarch his girlfriend offthe stage. The rest of the groupÆs main players, all gathered on that stage, seemed to have accepted their role in the drama, and adopted a policy of grinning and bearing it and trying to act as if this was the most natural thing in the world, and not a complete meltdown of one of the countryÆsbiggest concerns.
The Karat GroupÆs stock was trading at a thousand dollars a share at the start of the meeting. By the time the meeting finally adjourned, the stock had dropped to five hundred a share. One hundred billion dollars in value had been erased from the market cap. In other words: the single-largest drop in share price since the crash of 2001.
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ôHave you completely lost your mind?!ö
ôItÆs just a dip, Dad,ö Cotton said.
ôA dip? A DIP?!ö
Tobias Pushman, the groupÆs legal beagle, gave his former boss and current chairman of the board a look of concern. DiedrichÆs face had turned the color of a ripe tomato. Drops of sweat were beading the manÆs brow and skipping down his temples, and his hair was matted to his sizable dome. If his blood pressure kept rising, a coronary was a given.
ôSir, I think you better sit down,ö Tobias suggested.
ôI wonÆt sit down until this matter is resolved and resolved to my satisfaction!ö Diedrich thundered, swinging his arms dangerously. ôDo you realize what youÆve done? YouÆve singlehandedly wrecked the group! Reduced us to a Wall Street laughingstock!ö
ôYouÆre exaggerating, Dad,ö said Cotton, whoÆd placed his sneakered feet up on his desk and was throwing a stress ball into the air with his left hand and deftly catching it with his right. ôSo the stock dropped a couple of points. ItÆll self-correct. YouÆll see.ö
ôIt wonÆt self-correct,ö said Diedrich, shaking with righteous anger at so much ignorance. ôIt will self-destruct if you keep fornicating with thisà thisà this Jezebel!ö
ôHey, Ebony is a highly respected and extremely successful model, Dad. TwentyVogue covers and counting. And we werenÆt fornicating. We were merely displaying our mutual affection.ö
ôItÆs not done, son! You canÆt organize a petting session at the annual shareholdersÆ meeting!ö
ôItÆs not a good look,ö Tobias agreed.
Diedrich threw a copy of theWall Street Journal onto his sonÆs desk. The headline screamed, æCotton Kills Karat.Æ ôIf you keep this up, weÆre toast, Cotton. Toast!ö
ôIÆm sure itÆs not as bad as all that,ö Cotton tut-tutted.
ôItÆs worse! TheyÆre predicting weÆll be ripe for a hostile takeover bid before the end of the next fiscal quarter. Our shareholders are all threatening to sue!ö
Cotton rolled his eyes. He didnÆt seem overly concerned. On his desk, a framed picture of Ebony Pilay held pride of place. It was the first of manyVogue covers sheÆd graced with her willowy presence, and she was staring into the lens as lusciously as she had gazed at Cotton at that fateful meeting.
ôJust imagine if Warren Buffett brought a supermodel to Berkshire HathawayÆs annual meeting,ö said Diedrich, ôand instead of talking about the value of the company portfolio spent two hours canoodling with his girlfriend instead! The man would be vilified!ö
ôNow youÆre simply being dramatic,ö said Cotton as he aimed the ball at a mini basketball hoop in the corner of his office and hit it on the first try. ôAnd now if youÆll both excuse me, IÆve got a lunch date with Ebony, and the lady doesnÆt like to be kept waiting.ö
And watched on by his dumbfounded dad and his apoplectic legal advisor, the youngest CEO in the business left the room, carelessly hummingæYouÆre still the one.Æ
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For a moment, silence reigned in the room, then Diedrich turned a look of desperation to the man whose legal acumen was only rivaled by his unparalleled knack for designing daring schemes, and said,ôGive me something, Tobias. Anything.ö
Tobias, a swarthy man with thick brows that concealed two cold blue eyes, steepled his fingers and brought them to his lips.ôI think I might have an idea for you, sir.ö
ôWhat is it?ö
ôItÆs a little risky, but it might offer a solution for all of our problems.ö
ôDoes it involve murdering Cotton and making it look like an accident?ö
ôNot exactly, sir. Though it does involve putting him on ice for a little while.ö
Diedrich allowed himself to drop down in one of the wingback chairs in the big office. His face was still an unhealthy shade of puce, and judging from the veins throbbing in his neck, the man was in urgent need of his blood pressure medication.ôWhat did you have in mind?ö
ôHave you ever seen a French comedy named æLe Con,Æ sir?ö
ôIÆm not really into French comedy, though I have a feeling IÆm in one right now. Though it could also be a French horror movie.ö
ôIn the movie, the CEO of one of those big French conglomerates finds himself at the center of some serious fracas, so his assistant comes up with the brilliant idea of replacing him with a double. The double is just a nobody, of course, with no real powers or authority. A puppet, if you will, controlled by the companyÆs board of directors.ö
ôA double?ö
The sharpest legal mind ever to graduate from NYU nodded earnestly.ôWe ship Cotton off to the Heartfield Clinic, where he can be cured of his sex addiction. We buy off Miss Pilay so she will sever all ties with Cotton, and while your son is safely tucked away at Heartfield, a double takes his place, his every decision controlled by us.ö
ôI see,ö said Diedrich thoughtfully. ôAnd where do you propose we find this idiot?ö
The lawyerÆs lips formed a devious moue. ôOh, I have one lined up for us already, sir.ö
Chapter 2
Eric Blandine was a man as bland as his name suggested. He was a lowly worker drone whoÆd spent his entire adult life stocking tins of foie gras, drums of caviar and boxes of exclusive pralines in one of the many warehouses that furnished these delicacies to airport stores and gift shops supplied by the Karat Group. And he was just fulfilling a large order of foie gras and boxing them up for imminent shipment when a low whistle sounded in his rear. He turned, and found himself looking at his buddy James Perkins.