Brutus looked up.“Hey! Don’t talk to my lady like that, Max. Show some respect.”
“Brutus, my friend,” I began.
He gave me the evil eye.“Don’t go getting all soft on me again, Max. We’re all catly cats together. There’s no reason to get mushy.” He directed a grin at Harriet. “Isn’t that right, sugar lips?”
“That’s absolutely right, my stud muffin,” she cooed.
Brutus took me aside, and whispered,“Just play along, Max! She likes me all butch and macho so butch and macho is what she gets. Capisce?”
“But I liked you better when you were, you know, normal!”
Brutus rolled his eyes.“Haven’t you ever been in love, Max?”
“Um, no?”
He punched my chest.“Fall in love, and then we’ll talk again. And now don’t cramp my style, buddy. I’m warning you. Don’t ruin this for me.”
“What are you two whispering about, Brutus?” Harriet asked.
“Just telling this chump what’s what, my queen.” Quieter, he hissed, “I like you, Max. I like you a lot, and I wanna thank you for what you did for me. But this is how it’s gonna be from now on, got me?” Then, louder again, “You little weasel! If you talk to me like that again, I’m kicking your big, hairy, orange butt!”
And then he stalked off, leaving me staring after him, floored.
Oh, great. Instead of a real bully, now I got the Actors Studio version.
Dooley wandered over.“Don’t you think Norma’s fur is the color of—”
“No, I don’t!” I interrupted him brutally. “And please don’t talk to me about that cat again. Ever!”
Dooley stared at me, rudely awakened from his roseate dream. And as I sat there, moping, suddenly Harriet stole over to me. She gave me a gentle shove.“Maxie,” she said in a sultry voice. “I never saw this side of you before. When did you become all dominant and butch?”
I stared at her.“Huh?”
She giggled, a low and seductive sound.“I like this new Max a lot better than the old one. How about we share a piece of chicken?”
This was just too much. After all this nonsense with Diego, and now Brutus, she wanted to steal my chicken? No way!“You’ve got your own damn piece of chicken,” I snapped. “I’m not sharing mine.”
“Ooh, Maxie,” she cooed. “My butchy Maxie!”
And then she threw herself into my paws and kissed me!
5. PURRFECT CRIME
Prologue
Donna Bruce was a woman profoundly in love with herself. From personal experience she knew there was no other person as amazing as she was. She was smart, successful, beautiful, and, above all, she was kind to humans, children and dogs, which cannot be said about everyone. She was a giver, not a taker. In fact she gave so much she often wondered if people appreciated her enough.
Her kids, for instance, could probably love her more for all the sacrifices she had made. For one thing, they’d pretty much ruined her figure. After the twins were born, something strange but not very wonderful had happened to her hips. They’d never looked the same again. And when she saw what breastfeeding did to her boobs, she’d vowed never to fall into that horrible trap again.
She now carefully tucked her golden tresses beneath the pink shower cap, wrapped the white towel embroidered with her company’s crest—a nicely rendered tiara—around her perfectly toned and tanned body, and stepped into the sauna cabin. She had the cabin installed only six months ago as a special treat to herself when donna.vip, the lifestyle website she’d launched a decade ago, had topped 200 million in revenue.
She languidly stretched out on the authentic Finnish wood bench, took a sip from her flute of Mo?t& Chandon Dom Perignon, and closed her eyes. She’d just done a conference call with her CEO and now it was time to relax. Later today she had a session with her private fitness coach scheduled, and to top it all off she was going to treat herself to a healing massage as well. Time to get pampered!
And she’d just reached that slightly drowsy state she enjoyed so much when a soft clanking sound attracted her attention. She opened her eyes and saw through the slight haze that filled the cabin that there was someone moving about outside.
She frowned, wondering who it could be. Her housekeeper Jackie wasn’t coming in until ten, and the rest of the staff knew better than to intrude on her alone time. It was hard to make out the person’s face, as the one small window was all steamed up. With a grunt of annoyance she got up and wiped her hand across the glass to look out. And that’s when she noticed something very disturbing: the person was wearing a mask of some kind. One of those silly Halloween masks.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she called out.
But the intruder just stood there, unmoving, staring at her through the black mask that covered his or her entire face.
“Who are you?” she asked. “Answer me at once!”
When the person didn’t respond, she shook her head and took a firm grip on the wood door handle, giving it a good yank. The door didn’t budge. She tried again, knowing that these sauna doors could be sticky, but to no avail. And that’s when she saw that someone—presumably the masked person outside—had stuck a long object through the door’s handle, blocking it. It was her long handle loofah, the one she’d intended to take into the sauna with her.
“Hey! This isn’t funny!” she cried, tapping the pane furiously. “Open this door right now!”
And that’s when the masked figure reacted for the first time by raising a hand and pointing a finger at her, cocking their thumb and making a shooting gesture. And in that exact moment, she became aware of an odd sound that seemed to come from somewhere above her head. A buzzing sound. She looked up in alarm, and when she saw the first dozen bees streaming into the sauna cabin, she uttered a cry of shock and fear.
She rapped the window again, more frantic this time.“Let me out! Why are you doing this to me?! Just let me out of here!”
More bees fluttered into the cramped space and soon started filling it. There must have been hundreds, or maybe even thousands! And as they descended upon her, she felt the first stings. She started swatting them away with her towel, but there were too many of them, and for some reason they seemed drawn to her, whipped into a frenzy by some unknown cause. And as she stumbled and fell, desperately flapping her hands in a bid to get rid of the pesky insects, she soon succumbed. Her final thought, before she lost consciousness was,“Why me?!”
Chapter 1
Having spent most of the night outside, looking up at the stars and commenting to Dooley on their curious shape, attending a meeting of cat choir in the nearby Hampton Cove Park, and generally contemplating the state of the world and my place in it, I was ready to perform my daily duty and make sure my human Odelia Poole got a bright and early start on her day. I do this by jumping up onto her bed, plodding across Odelia’s sleeping form, and finally kneading her arm until she wakes up and gives me a cuddle. This has been our morning ritual since just about forever.
When I finally reached the top of the stairs, slightly winded, a pleasant sound emanating from the bedroom filled me with a warm and fuzzy feeling of benevolence: Odelia was softly snoring, indicating she was in urgent need of a wake-up catcall. So I padded over, and jumped up onto the foot of the bed. At least, that was my intention, only for some reason I must have misjudged the distance, for instead of landing on all fours on the bed, I landed on my butt on the bedside rug.
I shook my head, happy that no one saw me in this awkward position. With a slight shrug of the shoulders, I decided to try again. This time the result was even worse. I never even cleared the bed frame, let alone the mattress or the comforter. Like an Olympic pole vaulter who discovers he’s lost the ability, I suddenly found myself facing a new and horrifying reality: I couldn’t jump anymore!
“Hey, Max,” a familiar voice sounded behind me. “What are you doing?”