“I think she lost interest about halfway through our climb.”
“I like that cat.”
“Me too. Though to be honest I like Harriet more.”
“What?! Then why did you put the moves on Princess?”
He shrugged.“I’m a cat, Max. Putting the moves on felines is what I do.”
We were quiet for a while, sitting there side by side while we listened to the cats singing up a storm. Then the first neighbor opened his window and shouted something. Then the second neighbor opened his window and threw a shoe. Sound carries, and the sound of two dozen cats screeching as if their whiskers are being plucked from their faces with tweezers carries even more. Not that I’m not proud of cat choir, but I may have exaggerated a little when I was telling Princess how good we are. Actually we kinda suck. Big time.
“How are we going to get out of this tree?” I asked.
“Beats me,” Brutus said. “I’ve never climbed this high before.”
He sounded just as unnerved as I was feeling.
“Max?” he asked.
“Uh-huh.”
“If we get out of this alive, I want you to know I think you’re pretty brave.”
“Come again?”
“Discovering that murder weapon today? That took guts.”
“I only climbed that pipe because you locked us up.”
“You know why I did that, right?”
“Actually, I don’t.”
He hesitated.“The thing is… Chase isn’t my human.”
“He’s not?” This surprised me. “But I thought—”
“His mother is. She took me in straight from the nest. But then she got sick and had to go and live in some place where cats are not allowed, so Chase had to decide whether to put me in a shelter or to keep me. Lucky for me he kept me, but… well, let’s just say Chase isn’t much of a cat person.”
“No, he doesn’t strike me as one.”
“I mean, he never cuddles me, or scratches me behind my ears. He just feeds me and that’s it.”
“Yeah, but he feeds you real meat.”
He gave me a sad glance.“I’d trade all that for a cuddle. You and Odelia? You guys have such a great bond. She cares about you, and even lets you sleep on the bed and all.”
“Chase doesn’t let you sleep on the bed?”
“Never. He kicks me out of the house when he goes to bed.”
“That’s not very nice.”
He shrugged.“It’s all he knows, I guess. His mother was the same. Cats aren’t supposed to sleep in the house. They should be outside. Catch mice.”
“It’s nice to sleep on the bed,” I said. “Nice and warm and soft. In the morning I like to snuggle up to Odelia and she hugs me. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.”
“I’d like that,” he said softly. “I’d like to have a human who cares about me like that. That’s why I wanted to be the one to tell her about Dion Dread’s new show. That way she might want to, you know, adopt me, maybe?”
I hesitated, then said,“You know, if you like we can share Odelia. She’s got a big enough heart for two.”
He was silent for a beat, then said huskily,“Thank you, Max. I’d really like that.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do. You practically live with us anyway, so…”
He glanced at me.“You’re all right, Max.”
“You’re all right, too, Brutus.”
We gave an awkward high five and then lapsed into silence once more. All this talk of Odelia was fine and dandy, but if nobody came to save us, we’d probably never see her again. I just hoped Dooley was calling 911.
Chapter 16
Odelia woke up from a pronounced whispering nearby. She’d been dreaming of Chase, more particularly Chase’s remarkably soft lips, and she so didn’t want to wake up right now. The whispering persisted, and she dragged her mind back from her sweet dreams to the cold reality of her empty bed. Well, not completely empty. Two cats were seated next to her in the darkness.
She moved, and the whispering stopped. She closed her eyes, ready for more Chase. The whispering started again, Dooley and Harriet having some kind of argument.
“God. What’s with all the whispering?!”
“No, I’m not telling her,” Harriet was saying.
“We have to tell her,” Dooley said. “We can’t just leave them up there.”
“We can and we will,” Harriet insisted stubbornly.
Odelia smacked her lips. The pressure of Chase’s lips against hers lingered. If Real Chase was as good a kisser as Dream Chase she was hoping her dream might turn into a reality one day. Maybe the day hell froze over.
“Leave who where?” she finally asked, giving up on her dream.
“Max and Brutus are stuck in a tree,” said Dooley.
“Dooley!” hissed Harriet. “I told you not to tell her!”
“Look, I don’t care about Brutus, but this is Max we’re talking about. He could be stuck up there for days! Or even forever!”
“Serves him right. Serves them both right. They shouldn’t have made such a spectacle of themselves in the first place. And all over some dumb broad. She can’t even sing!”
Dooley giggled.“Yeah, she sounded pretty awful. No way she was John Paul George’s muse. She fooled us all.”
“Not me. She didn’t fool me. Not for one second.”
“What’s going on?” Odelia asked tiredly, propping herself up on her elbows. She stared into the darkness. All she could see were two pairs of cat’s eyes staring back at her.
“Max and Brutus decided to impress Princess,” Dooley said.
“The skankiest cat alive,” said Harriet.
“Princess isn’t skanky. She’s just… not a great singer.”
“She is skanky. A classy cat would never get two cats to fight over her.”
“Well, anyway,” said Dooley, “Max and Brutus decided to impress Princess so they climbed a tree.”
“Who gave them that idea?” asked Odelia, rubbing her eyes.
“Dooley did,” said Harriet. “This was all his idea. Yes, it was!”
“I just figured it would give Max an edge. It looked like Brutus was winning her over and Max was very upset so I told him to climb a tree.”
“So Brutus and Max were going after the same cat?” asked Odelia.
“Yes, they were.”
“But I thought you and Brutus were a thing, Harriet?”
“We were. And now we’re not. If he likes that stupid Princess he’s welcome to her.”
“So it’s official now?” asked Dooley. “You and Brutus are history?”
“Ancient history.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said, though he didn’t sound sorry.
“I don’t care,” she said. “I don’t mind being single again. I’m too young to be tied down. In fact Brutus did me a favor. A big one.”
“So where are Max and Brutus now?” asked Odelia. She was starting to get the picture.
“Still in that tree,” said Dooley. “They can’t get down. It’s too high.”
She did a mental head slap.“I better call the fire department.”
“Or you could leave them up there,” said Harriet, returning to her favorite theme. “At least a couple of days. That should teach them a lesson.”
“I can’t, Harriet. Max is my cat. I can’t leave him up there.”
“Then just leave Brutus up there. I’m sure Chase won’t mind.”
Yep. Cats were more like humans than people thought. A woman scorned and all that.“I have to get a hold of Chase. Tell him his cat is stuck in a tree.”
She swung her feet from between the sheets and found her slippers. She shuffled over to the window and opened the curtains. It was still completely dark out, though on the horizon she thought she could detect first light trying to hoist itself over the skyline. It was doing a pretty half-ass job of it, too.
“What time is it?” she asked with a yawn.
Dooley had joined her at the window.“Um, like, seven?”
“So how long have they been up there?”
“Since after midnight.”
“Oh, those poor dears. They must be terrified.”
“Especially since Max and Brutus hate each other,” said Harriet.
“Yeah, it wouldn’t surprise me if they’ve eaten each other by now,” said Dooley. “Like in that Tom Hanks movie? When he was stuck on that island?”