She narrowed her eyes at him, opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again.
“Dooley has a point,” I said, backing up my buddy.
“Hrmph,” was Harriet’s only response.
Just at that moment, there was a loud commotion nearby. Humans were converging on the scene, and even Odelia hurried to where a small group of other humans stood.
“Uh-oh,” I said. “Looks like something’s going down down there.”
“I don’t care,” said Harriet. When we turned to her, she explained, “I cared when I thought Odelia was cheating on Chase, because…” She bit her lower lip. “I’m starting to think Brutus is cheating on me.” She studied her paws. “There, I said it. Now make fun of me all you want.”
“We’re not going to make fun of you, Harriet,” I said.
“Yeah, we’re your friends,” Dooley chimed in. “We’d never make fun of you.”
Except when she was being unreasonable, which was a lot. Or when she was doing her diva thing again, which was also a lot. But apart from that? Never.
“Hey, you guys,” a voice sounded behind us. It was Tigger, a member of cat choir who lives near the park. “You gotta see this. Brutus is making out with some hot chick.” Then he caught sight of Harriet and gulped then quickly snuck away, clearly fearing her wrath.
“Brutus is making out?” Harriet said between gritted teeth. “Where? Come back here, you little weasel!”
But Tigger was gone. Harriet’s eyes were flashing and she quickly retraced Tigger’s steps, both Dooley and I following in her wake. It didn’t take us long to arrive at the duck pond that’s one of the park’s main features. Children can usually be found there, gleefully ignoring the big ‘DON’T FEED THE DUCKS’ sign and feeding the ducks. There’s a nice copse of beech trees just across the little bridge that spans the pond. Harriet was already sniffing the air, trying to pick up the scent of her errant mate.
Dooley and I exchanged a glance of worry. If Tigger was right, and Brutus was indeed making out with‘some hot chick,’ there would be hell to pay. Not to mention scars to nurse.
Harriet stalked across the bridge, and Dooley and I followed at a little distance. I love Harriet, and she’s one of my best friends, but there are times she scares the crap out of me, and this was one of those times.
We’d arrived on the other side of the bridge, and kids were already pointing in our direction and yelling, “Look, mama, kitty catties!”
Those same mamas probably thought we were stalking a duck breeding ground, and judging from the irate looks on their faces were getting ready to chase us away. What they didn’t know was that we weren’t advancing on a duck breeding ground but apparently on a Brutus breeding ground.
Arriving at the small crop of trees, Harriet sniffed twice, then made a growling sound at the back of her throat. I sniffed, too, and immediately knew we were on the right track. Or the wrong one, depending whose side you were on.
“Brutus!” Harriet bellowed, then made a mighty leap and arrived at the little clearing between the trees.
And there he was, not exactly making out with a hot female feline, but still in flagrante delicto: Brutus, that black, butch cat, was sniffing the butt of a gorgeous redhead.
Chapter 5
Brutus looked exactly like what he was: busted!
“I, um, I’m…” he stammered, then finally resorted to that old standby: “It’s not what it looks like!”
“Oh, puh-lease,” said Harriet, and would have folded her front legs across her chest if she’d been human. “Don’t give me that crap. Don’t tell me you were acting, too.”
“Huh?” said Brutus. To his credit, this was not an excuse he’d considered.
The redhead, whom I’d recognized as Darlene, one of cat choir’s femme fatales, appeared unruffled. She gave Harriet a faux curious look. “So you’re the girlfriend, huh?”
“You know I’m the girlfriend, Darlene,” Harriet snapped. “Though not for much longer. In fact I’m officially handing the girlfriend baton to you.” She slashed the air with her tail for emphasis, then lifted her chin imperiously. “And I sincerely hope you choke on it.” Having delivered this message, she then promptly turned on her heel and stalked off.
Darlene laughed a throaty laugh. She seemed to find the whole thing hilarious.
Brutus was less sanguine.“Sweetums, wait!” he yelled, and would have gone after Harriet if I hadn’t stopped him with a gesture of my paw.
“No good?” he asked.
“No good,” I returned.
I’d known Harriet practically from the cradle, and when she was in a vengeful mood like this, the only thing that would result in Brutus going after her was fur flying and claws slashing tender skin. I might not have liked Brutus in the past, but close association had warmed me to the butch cat, and I couldn’t stand the thought of him having to lick his wounds after a close encounter with Harriet’s wrath. The only words appropriate in a situation like this came to me and so I spoke them.
“What the hell were you thinking?!”
“You guys seem to have a lot to talk about so I’ll leave you to it,” said Darlene. “Toodle-oo.” And she sashayed off, every sign of the feline femme fatale in her manner.
The three of us couldn’t help but stare after her. I might not be a big fan of cat fatales, but that doesn’t mean I can’t admire them when I meet one. Finally, she rounded the bend and when no sounds of cats fighting reached my ear, I assumed Harriet hadn’t been lying in wait and her rival had gotten to safety unchecked and unharmed.
Once again I turned to Brutus.“What were you thinking?” I repeated.
“Yeah, what were you thinking, Brutus?” Dooley echoed.
Brutus looked devastated.“You have to help me, Max. You have to talk to Harriet.”
“All the talking in the world isn’t going to help you now, Brutus. You’ve officially done it.”
“But that’s just it. I haven’t done a thing!” he said, wringing his paws.
I uttered a sound of exasperation.“We saw you! You were… doing whatever you were doing. In the bushes! The clich? to end all clich?s!”
“Officially this is not a bush. It’s a thicket,” Dooley corrected me.
“I wasn’t doing anything! I was never going to let it go that far.”
“You had your nose up Darlene’s butt, Brutus.”
“I hadn’t!”
“Well, from where I was standing it looked like you had.”
“A matter of perspective. My nose wasn’t anywhere near her butt!”
“Who cares where your nose was?! You were in the bushes! Making out!”
“Thicket,” said Dooley, then shut up when I gave him a foul look.
Brutus plunked down on his haunches, a look of distress in his dark eyes.“I know how bad this looks, but… have you never been in a long-term relationship and started to wonder?”
Since I’d never been in a long-term relationship, or a short-term one, I wisely kept my tongue.
“Sometimes you just wonder if you’ve still got it, you know?”
“No, I don’t know. What are you talking about?”
“Yes, what are you talking about, Brutus?” Dooley said, looking as puzzled as I was feeling. “Harriet is the finest cat for miles around. How can you cheat on her?”
Dooley had a point. Harrietwas the finest cat for miles around. What’s more, Dooley had always had a thing for Harriet, so this whole Darlene thing came as a shock to him, too.
Brutus raised a helpless paw.“You wonder if you still have it.”
“Have what?” I asked.
“It! The pizzazz. The fatal attraction.”
“I don’t get it,” I said, in case that wasn’t obvious from the confused look on my map.
Brutus sighed.“I used to be a big thing before, you know. Cats would fawn over me. I’d strut my stuff and heads would turn. I was the Tom Brady of cats, all eyes on me. Queens wanted to be with me—tomcats wanted to be me. I was top cat. Leader of the pack. Head of the herd. Now, no cat looks at me twice, because they know I’m with Harriet. So they don’t even bother. It’s like I’ve become invisible, all of a sudden. Not worth their while.”