“What’s going on?” Chase asked as he joined her.
“No idea.”
Chase opened the window and leaned out, looking up.“Oh, hell,” he said.
A jolt of premonition sliced through Odelia.“What is it?”
He retracted his head.“It’s Max. He’s dangling from the gutter.”
Chapter 36
I know, I know. Cats don’t usually dangle from gutters. And I wasn’t! I was dangling from a protuberance. Some thingamajig jutting out of the wall. Possibly an ancient piece of flagpole or lightning rod or what was left of a bust dedicated to the manor’s original owners. At any rate, the iron rod—whatever it was—had effectively saved my life. The striped cat’s kick had taken me by surprise to the extent that I’d gone over the edge without having the presence of mind to stick out a paw when I whizzed past the gutter and into the precipice.
By the time my survival instincts finally kicked in, I was one floor down, with the ground rising up fast. In desperation I’d grabbed at the wall, and that’s when this rod turned up out of the blue and I managed to save myself. The bad news was that I was now dangling between the second and third floor, with no way to go but down. Cats may be capable of gravity-defying feats of acrobatics but we’re not exactly Spider-Man. We can’t scale walls!
So there I was, wondering how I was going to save myself from my predicament when suddenly a window below me opened and Chase’s head appeared.
“Hey, buddy,” he said.
“Hey, Chase,” I said, even though I knew he couldn’t understand feline.
“Now how in the hell did you get up there?”
I could have told him but instead I produced the kind of plaintive mewling sound people have come to expect from cats in great trouble. Firemen used to saving cats from trees know the kind of mewling I’m talking about, and clearly Chase got the message.
“Listen, just jump, okay?” he said. “I’ll catch you.”
I gave him a doubtful look. Yeah, right, that look indicated. What if at the last moment he retracted his arms and said,‘Just kidding!’
Not that I didn’t trust Chase but he’s human, after all, and humans are notoriously unreliable. One minute they stuff their faces with cake and chocolate and the next they’re on the treadmill, swearing never to touch sugar ever again in their lives, before starting the whole cycle once more two days into their diet.
“Um…” I said.
“Jump,” Chase said encouragingly, holding out his arms. “I got you.”
“I don’t know about this.”
“Trust me.”
“Trust him, Max!” Dooley bellowed from below.
I looked past Chase and saw Dooley staring up at me. And so were Harriet and Brutus and a big crowd of people, practically all of whom were pointing their smartphones at me, filming the whole thing. Oh, great. This was going to go viral, wasn’t it? There went my reputation. I’d be the talk of the town for months to come, and not in a good way.
“Jump!” Dooley repeated. “He’s Jesus!”
And that did it. For one thing, how long was I going to be able to hold on? Not very long. And then what? The fire department would show up with their ladders and I’d have to be saved by a fireman. I’d been through the process before and even though I loved firemen word would spread and even before the fire truck arrived all of Hampton Cove would come running, with their smartphones and then I’d be the laughingstock of the nation.
“He’s Jesus!” Dooley repeated, and that did it.
I closed my eyes and I jumped.
Moments later I landed safely in Chase’s arms.
He looked down at me, his features backlit by the sun. Like a halo of light.
“Jesus,” I muttered. “It’s really you.”
“See?” Chase asked with a smile. “I told you I’d catch you.”
“Max!” Odelia cried. She was inside, right next to Chase, and took me over.
“He’s Jesus,” I said, still under the influence of the vision I’d just had. Chase stood in the window, that halo of light now illuminating his long hair and his perfectly shaped face.
“I’m so glad you’re all right,” said Odelia, burying my face in her hair.
But I only had eyes for Chase.“Why did you shave your beard, Jesus?” I asked. “No wonder I didn’t recognize you. You shaved your beard to walk among us undetected.”
Chase patted my head.“You’re all right, little buddy,” he said. “You’re all right.”
“I am now,” I agreed. “I am now.”
And then Chase took me over from Odelia, walked over to the window and held me up for the crowd below to see. They all broke into loud cheers and applause.
I gotta tell you, it was a real Lion King moment, only better. I mean, come on. Jesus!
Once we were downstairs again, we were greeted like rock stars, people flocking around. Man, oh, man. It was a real eye-opener for me. So this was what it felt like to enjoy your five minutes of fame. I kinda liked it. A real ego-boost, let me tell you.
Finally, things settled down, a band began to play, and the party kicked into higher gear, with Odelia, Gran, Marge, Chase and Uncle Alec standing together, discussing clues and suspects and whatnot. Harriet, Brutus and Dooley also gathered around.
“So what happened, Max?” asked Brutus.
“I was kicked off the roof by a femme fatale and saved by Jesus,” I explained, giving them the CliffsNotes version of events.
“That’s great,” said Brutus, a little doubtfully. “So what did you find out?”
“That Odelia is one lucky lady,” I said. “What did you find out?”
“Nothing much,” said Harriet. “Apart from the fact that I don’t like caviar.”
“They have caviar?” asked Dooley.
“Sure. They’ve got everything.”
“They sure do,” said Odelia quietly, her face suddenly heaving into view. She then proceeded to distribute sizable morsels of the most delicious fish dish I’d ever tasted. “There’s more where that came from,” she promised. She then tapped my nose. “How are you feeling, flyboy?”
“Great,” I said. “Thanks to Chase.”
“He’s something else, isn’t he?” she said, smiling.
“He’s the best,” I said, also smiling.
“Does he have a sheep?” asked Dooley.
But Odelia had already moved out of earshot, on a mission to procure us more food. People were dancing, the band was rocking, and I was starting to experience that mellow feeling that comes upon you when adrenaline levels start settling down. I could suddenly feel a nap coming on, and so when our humans started drifting towards the cars, I didn’t complain. The entire drive back I slept like a log, and so did Dooley, Harriet and Brutus. I’d always wondered what divine intervention looked like, and now I knew it firsthand. Though I’d call it Chase Intervention instead—after my hero and savior.
Odelia was one lucky woman. And I was one very lucky cat. And I was still basking in that warm and fuzzy glow when the car suddenly jounced to a halt and Odelia announced in chipper tones,“Wake up, you guys. We’re here!”
When I glanced out the window I recognized where we were and promptly broke out in a cold sweat.
Oh, no.
Vena’s!
Chapter 37
“So what have we here?!” boomed Vena.
I cringed, and so did the rest of the cat contingent. Vena has that effect on cats. She has a big voice, an even bigger personality, and resembles The Rock in more ways than one. She stood before us, hands planted on her hips, a mass of muscle and hearty good cheer.
“They’ve got a cold,” Odelia intimated.
“Yeah, they’ve been sneezing and coughing all day,” Gran chimed in.
“The poor dears,” Marge added.
“Let’s have a look,” said Vena. Without effort, she picked me up and plunked me down on the operating table. I fully expected her to start probing me with all manner of metal implements before plunging some type of syringe into my neck but instead her surprisingly gentle touch and warm hands performed a quick but thorough examination.