“Did you find the sheets?” she asked, then saw that Gran had. Her finest pink ones, no less. The ones with the Hello Kitty theme. The ones she’d put away when Chase started staying over. Nothing acts as a natural testosterone repellent like Hello Kitty pink does.
“I found a male toothbrush in the bathroom,” Gran announced sternly.
How she would distinguish a male toothbrush from a female one Odelia did not know. As far as she knew toothbrushes were genderless. Nevertheless she blushed.
“It’s possible Chase has been staying over once or twice.”
Gran cocked her head.“Honey, I don’t want to interfere with your love life.”
Hope surged.
“So whenever you guys feel horny just tell me and I’ll put in my earplugs.”
Hope crashed.
“How long will you be staying?” she asked, braving Granny’s ire.
“Forever by the looks of things.” She glanced around at the guest bedroom, a small affair in comparison to Gran’s own room next door. “I like it here. I think I’ll be very happy. Do you have a VCR? I don’t want to miss my favorite shows. I like to tape them just in case.”
“VCR went out the window when the world went digital, Gran.”
Gran’s eyes went wide. “I’m gonna miss my shows? I can’t miss my shows!”
“Relax. I’ve got DVR, and so has Dad.”
“Yeah, ask for instructions. He’s got all the deets. He’s been taping my stuff forever.” A cloud momentarily passed over her face, and her dentures dug into her lower lip at the mention of her son-in-law. The moment passed and then she was strong again. “Better yet, ask Alec. He’ll knowwhat to do. At least Alec never kicked me out of his home.”
“You never lived in Alec’s home, Gran.”
“That’s what I meant,” she said vaguely, then bounced up from the bed. “Now show me how to work the shower. I like it not too hot, not too cold, and Tex never moves the mixer tap. I hate it when people move the mixer tap. Pisses me off big time.”
And as Odelia followed her grandmother into the bathroom, she discovered a newfound appreciation for her mother and father’s predicament. She’d lived with her grandmother for all of half an hour and already she was contemplating geronticide.
Chapter 27
We were finally on our way home, having struck out in our mission to find Burt’s Shadow. Dooley kept harping on about Uncle Alec and Harriet and Brutus for a while but then fell into a contemplative silence. Which suited me just fine. I had my own thoughts to contend with. It might surprise you but cats are deep thinkers. And so it was that when Dooley finally spoke again,it was to launch into a train of thought that took me by surprise.
“Maybe we should get girlfriends, Max.”
I was slightly taken aback.“Girlfriends? What do you mean?”
“Like Uncle Alec and that mystery woman in the car. Or Brutus and Harriet.” He shrugged. “Everybody has a girlfriend. Even Uncle Alec has a girlfriend. What about Shanille? You like Shanille, don’t you? And she can sing. Who doesn’t want a girlfriend who can sing?”
The thought of Father Reilly’s homely tabby didn’t stir any of those finer feelings in me that one associates with eternal love and affection and I told Dooley in no uncertain terms that never in my life would I want to find myself in a passionate embrace with Shanille.
“Then who, Max? There has to be a Molly out there for us somewhere, right?”
Frankly I hadn’t given the matter as much thought as Dooley obviously had. Which just goes to show. Still waters sometimes do run deep. Or is it shallow waters? No matter.
“Look, if the right one is out there for us, one day we’ll find her. Or she’ll find us.”
He gave me a look of hope.“You think so?”
“I know so.” Actually I didn’t, but the topic of conversation was not one on which I cared to dwell at the moment.
“What about Clarice?”
“What about her?”
“Doesn’t she make your heart go pitter-patter?”
Clarice did make my heart go pitter-patter, but that was probably because she scared the living daylights out of me.“Not really. Why? Do you like her?”
He gave this serious consideration.“I admire her. I think she’s great. But I don’t see her in a romantic light. Not like Richard Gere saw Julia at the end ofPretty Woman. Or all those couples inLove Actually. Though I do think that one day Clarice will find love again.”
“Again? You think she found it before?”
That was a toughie, and he was lost in thought once more. When he finally emerged, it was to address a different topic altogether.“Maybe I should take one of those pills.”
I looked up in alarm.“Pills? What pills?”
“The ones you and Brutus took. It’s obvious they did you a lot of good.”
“They made us puke our guts out.”
“And then they made you find love.”
“I didn’t find love.”
“You found Clarice—and I do think she likes you, Max. The way she was looking at you just now.”
“She called me a sissy cat!”
“I’m sure she meant it as a compliment.” He sighed wistfully. “My one true love will come to me once I take those pills. I’m sure about that now.”
Good thing Odelia threw those pills in the trash. We’d arrived home and traipsed in through the cat door Odelia had her dad and uncle and Chase install in the kitchen. Yes, it had taken three men to install one little door. Yours truly had gotten stuck in the first iteration, and the next ones, but the current version was one size fits all—even my size.
To our surprise Grandma was seated on the sofa, watching one of her daytime soaps.
“Gran? What are you doing here?” I asked upon seeing the crusty old lady.
“Watching television. What does it look like I’m doing?” she said without looking away from a couple of overly handsome doctors chatting up a couple of overly pretty female patients.
“Shouldn’t you be watching television in your own home?” I asked, having developed a powerful sense of privacy ever since the Brutuses and Chase Kingsleys of this world had started invading my home.
She waved an annoyed hand.“This is my home now. I moved in with my granddaughter.”
Dooley and I shared a look of surprise.
“You’re not going to Colorado?” asked Dooley, hope surging.
“Nah. The Goldsmiths can have their Colorado. They don’t want me—I don’t want them. Good riddance.” She cast a quick glance down at Dooley. “You look awfully pleased.”
Dooley couldn’t speak from the emotion clogging up his throat so I decided to speak for him. “Dooley was afraid you were going to take him to Colorado, away from his friends and family.”
Grandma frowned, as if she hadn’t considered this. “Look, fellas,” she said finally, “maybe this whole Goldsmith business wasn’t such a bright idea after all. I mean, going to live with one’s in-laws can be a terrible nuisance. Just look at me and Tex. What a mess! I swear to God, if that Philippe or any of his ilk had given you or me a hard time, I’d have packed my bags and returned to Hampton Cove just as soon as I had the chance, millions or no millions.” She scratched Dooley, who’d jumped up on the couch, behind the ears. “I’d never let anyone talk down to you, my pet. You know that, right? If those people had given you the cold shoulder I’d have told them to go screw themselves. Besides, I’m needed here.”
This gave me pause. Needed here? Dooley, too, found this statement odd.
“Needed for what, Gran?” he asked.
One eye on her soap opera and one eye on Dooley, she said vaguely,“Odelia, of course. It’s obvious she’s gonna need the sage advice of a wise woman like myself.”
This could only mean one thing, and Dooley came right out and said it:“Babies?”
“Uh-huh,” said Gran absently. A particularly handsome doctor was now nuzzling the neck of a particularly pretty female patient, and so she shushed us when we said more.
Dooley jumped down from the couch and joined me for an impromptu emergency meeting in the kitchen, next to my bowls of filtered water, tasty kibble and prime p?t?.